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Oh dear...I just read what Lisa has to say about NC

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#1 May 27 - 3PM
adoette
adoette's picture

Oh dear...I just read what Lisa has to say about NC

Oh dear. I thought NC meant that I didn't contact HIM. Most avenues are blocked, but he can still get to me through my work email. (and he has) And I'm still friends with him on FB (highest privacy settings), because I fear public retaliation.

I delete anything he sends me (Lame hovering...few words and often cryptic) AFTER I've read it. Delete BEFORE I read it? Seriously? Do any of you out there do that?

I'm going to still count my 50 days NC, even though it hasn't been "pure" NC...but I have to think about this...

Thoughts?

From Lisa:

NO CONTACT means just that…..you must have absolutely NO CONTACT with your Narcissist. In other words:

No personal visits
No phone calls, incoming or outgoing.
Do not answer his calls.
Block his phone number.
If he uses a different number and you do answer, hang up immediately.
No emails, incoming or outgoing. Delete before reading.
No texts, incoming or outgoing. Delete before reading.
No Facebook, MySpace or dating websites where he may be found.
Do not look for him on the Internet.
Do not Google his name.
Do not talk to his friends or family. Avoid these conversations at all costs.
Delete and destroy any reminders of him.
Do not save emails, letters or photos. Everything must go!

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/04/09/please-read-posting-your-story

May 28 - 1PM
College_girl
College_girl's picture

I did delete mine from

I did delete mine from facebook.. but i kind of want to add him back. And I am NC with him I guess... but I have contacted him before sometimes, even though he broke up with me he STILL replies to my texts and says its good to hear my voice.. but in a non romantic way. its like he knows I still love him.. a professional said hes still grooming me .. but not to be his girlfriend. idk! Im sorry about your situation, I think you are doing great! If NC is what you want to do, then you should definitely stick to that!
May 28 - 6AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Adoette

I would not worry about it ,if I were you, you are doing a good job. After he dumped me i sent cards and postcards to him, have not seen him in 2 years but strangely as a result of my correspondence with him, it has actually helped me get over him, espically the horrible letters i got back and the total lack of caring from him, after I helped him and was by his side for 15 years, it shows me his true character. or lack thereof I should say.I am finally done except for residue that takes time.......we are all different and need to do what we are comfortable to get over these men and get our own closure.
May 28 - 6AM (Reply to #7)
adoette
adoette's picture

onwithmylife

yes, the residue will take time. well said. i guess everyone is so passionate about NC (understandably so), i had a small moment of panic when i thought i wasn't doing it "right". I'll limp along best I can to get out, and some day dance again :-) (corny, i know)
May 27 - 4PM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

;(

NC is sad time for me. When I go to get my things I will have to throw away all those photos, and touch his things. I do not answer his calls but I do listen to the voice mails. It's just so hard for me so hurt over the girl I hate I had to see it. Can I wash my eyeballs please? He stops by work at random and at lunch, I hide and leave through side entrances and borrow other people cars. its crazy I know!
May 28 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
adoette
adoette's picture

badabing

you really amaze me with your strength and determination. if my N was hovering like yours, i'm not sure i'd have the resolve to stay away. thinking of you during this brutal time. you have a very very very difficult situation. peace and strength to you.
May 28 - 3AM (Reply to #4)
dudette
dudette's picture

Badabing

I am very sorry about your pain. I have been reading about yuor story and its developments and my heart breaks for you absolutely... There is no doubt in my mind that NC is the best thing for you... Take it from an old NCer like me that it is absolutely the right thing to do and in its absolute form.... I know because I tried the alternative and it still hurt like hell.... You will never be able to forget what you saw so use it constructively, every time he promises you that he will change and he loves you, remember what he did and what you saw.... It will help with CG, I only have my imagination and that's no better I can tell you.... Take good care honey, I have been there, I know how hard it is Dx
May 27 - 4PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

auto permanent delete

You should have a setting in your email client program whereby you can put in his email addy and set the client to automatically delete any email coming from him before you have a chance to read it. It comes in, poof, it's gone! and You never saw it!
May 27 - 4PM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

I'm still working on it

I'm still working on it myself (I check a blog written by one of his ex's that he contacted the day after our ending) I do still google his name, too...not even sure what I'm looking for and I check a.f.f. to see that he has logged in, that's all, I just do it to remind myself he's not who I thought he was. NC is a journey for some of us I guess. wow, writing that out makes me see it for what it is...a connection to him I'm going to try harder. Let's be buddies, we can both start today, right now...I won't if you won't