Obsessed all night after seeing him...

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#1 Dec 19 - 12PM

Run4it

Obsessed all night after seeing him...

Iobsessed all night...ugh... I have been doing very well this past week and this site has been such a help. Went for a run at my friend's house yesterday because she trains with me some. She lives in an area that my Narc does not frequent. She went home early as I was wanted to run further than here. What are the chances?? As I am running around a corner, here comes the NARC with another guy and the OW running right behind him. My heart started pounding and I wanted to turn and run the other way. He saw me. I saw him. I just kept running and ignored them all. I'm sure he didn't want to look bad in front of the other guy so he akwardly yells out, "Hey,how are you doing?"

I felt nothing but absolute anger. To make matters worse. I got back to friends house shaken up and jumped in car with her to deliver gift to a friend and we drove right into them AGAIN. I tumbled right back into the obsessive thinking and rehashing. I read the post about why we obsess, feelings. Why do I keep feeling so angry and hurt and jealous over this asshole? It always appears that he is just cruising along with no consequences for his hideous behaviour and I just crave proof that he is suffering like I have.

Anger. Hurt. Sadness. Lonely. Jealous.

Even though I know, logically, that I am so much better off and will eventually get through this.

How do you deal with seeing them? I have chosen to just ignore his existence each time it happens because I don't want to lose my temper and I certainly don't want him to garner one ounce of pleasure from me ever again.

#2 Dec 19 - 7PM

janemarie

Im gonna say Congrats!!!!

I live 10 minutes from the exn...we belong to the same gym and food shop at the same store....I have to travel a little further but I now go shopping elsewhere and go to a different gym.... Dont know if it's a good thing that I switched because as I have learned...DONT LET THEM CRIPPLE YOU!!!! But I dont think I can handle seeing him...especially if the OW is with him...So did he cripple me by me switching stores? I dont know! I found a box with his childrens personal things that the movers accidently took when I moved out...I waited till 12:30 am to deliver it...and although he wasnt home (thank God) my heart was pounding out of my chest..I guess it was a combo of hurrying before he comes home...and looking at "my" house where I no longer live....ugh A part of me wishes I would run into him like you...at least you now know that you have survived it...even though you hurt and it caused you pain...YOU DID IT!! You didnt die...you didnt cave in front of him...you did it...Look at it as a positive...another step closer to healing....Closer than I am because I have yet to "run into" him and I know it's inevitable...I wish I had the experience already so I too can know that I can survive it...cause right now...I think I would die!!!! Im going to say Congrats to you!! Smile...you are a survivor

#3 Dec 19 - 6PM

ValiditySeeker

So

He's jogging with his new woman and goes out of his way to greet you? Wtf? As the new gf, I'd be a little pissed. It's not like you said hi first and it would have been rude to ignore the greeting. You ran past him without saying a word and he yelled after you. I hope his new gf gave him an earful over that. Or better yet, dumped his stupid ass. Do you see how they don't change? Do you see how the ow is no one to be jealous of? Here he is jogging with her but trying desperately to get your attention. Gag. Remember, better her than you. Keep up the NC. I know it's hard but just continue to ignore him. It'll get easier.

#4 Dec 19 - 9PM (Reply to #9)

Run4it

His image

Speaking to me was in keeping his image up. The OW was a little behind him as he had another guy running beside him. He was just trying to keep the other guy from knowing that there was an issue by trying to be "friendly" in his asshole awkward way. The OW's standard running buddies have all dropped her because they don't want their husband's around her now that they have seen how this all played out. Sick, it is all so sick. I want no part in sick anymore. I went to the gym 45 minutes early tonight so he wouldn't be there because like we said, they are creatures of habit. He freaking showed up at the gym right when I did. Maybe I just need to send him a schedule and tell him when he is allowed to come from now on. The good news is that after my counseling session today, it was a lot easier to just ignore him, put on my music and happily move on with my work-out. I leave for almost 2 weeks on Wednesday to the beach to spend Christmas with my family so good things to look forward to.

#5 Dec 20 - 7AM (Reply to #11)

Laughs Last (not verified)

too coincidental

sending him the schedule is unnecessary - he's already well aware of what you're doing and when - he's deliberately stalking you. I'd go to my gym, walk in, when he walks in, sneak out and head to another gym. If he showed up there, I'd document everything as a potential file for the police. Maybe time for you to rent some exercise videos from Netflix and get your workout in at home until this crap blows over? Be careful.

#6 Dec 19 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

Hunter

You are underestimating this

You are underestimating this guy.. He's watching you..Check you cell phone setting and check you car in the wheel wells!! Too many run ins Run4it indeed.. Hunter

#7 Dec 19 - 5PM

really

In the hood

The N and I live just a few blocks from each other. Running into him is a way of life, but I do try to avoid it as much as possible. I shop in other areas and at times that he typically doesn't. He's a creature of habit and I was aware of his schedule, so it's not that hard to work around. Initially, I would say hello and keep moving when I ran into him. Over time, that turned into ignoring him completely. That's when he called. It's hard being in the same area and I feel for your discomfort. You did great! Ignoring is the best thing.

#8 Dec 19 - 3PM

Run4it

Mtg w/Therapist

My pastor is a licensed counselor and was such a help to me this afternoon. We discussed the "obsessing" and he pointed out that usually obsessing is our way of trying to figure somthing out that is hurting or bothering us deeply. It finally came around to me being angry with myself for allowing the abusive behaviour in my life for so long. Like you all know and I am learning, these guys are "slick", to quote my pastor, and I have to acknowledge the NARC's disorderly behaviour and then learn to not cross that bridge again. I am getting there and it is painful.

#9 Dec 19 - 1PM

Sparrow

I had the luxury of living

I had the luxury of living cross country from N so I didn't have to experience the "run-ins" with him. That made it a lot easier for me in a lot of ways for my recovery. I feel bad for the members here that have to endure the constant narc sightings. I would love to say that you should "brush" it off, but I am sure it is not taht easy. I guess the best bet is to change your routine, to avoid running into him as much as possible. Change running route, supermarket, gym, shopping centers, movie theaters etc.......change as much of it up as possible to avoid him as much as possible. Good luck and stay strong!

#10 Dec 19 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Run4it

The gym is an issue as well

The gym is an issue as well and I hate to let him run me away from a place I love to go and enjoy so much. This is a smaller town so it is hard to avoid at all times. I am going away for a week so that should help me quite a bit.

#11 Dec 19 - 1PM

Hunter

Contact = Pain Ugh..are you

Contact = Pain Ugh..are you sure this was just a chance meeting? You will recover quickly.. Just keep doing what you are doing.. Read a bit to help you.. Hunter

#12 Dec 19 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Run4it

Contact does = Pain

I think it was just chance as I haven't run at her house in months. I had to attend a Christmas concert at the church down the street at 4 so it was just a fluk - crappy fluk though. I am reading(and trying to work:) and have an appt with my therapist at 2 today.

#13 Dec 19 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

NessMIA

The therapist is a great

The therapist is a great idea. After seeing my N on Saturday night, a 1:1 with goldie was very helpful yesterday. My N lives about 15 minutes from me, and in a neighborhood where I know a lot of people and do a lot of shopping etc, but until I am better..I am definitely staying on the other side of town..

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