NVS...YES We have a diagnosis

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 11 - 10AM

betty2020

NVS...YES We have a diagnosis

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/10872.php

I was thinking about how it appears as if we suffer in silence with our illness. What do they call us that have been victims of these horrifying crazy's. Do they even acknowledge that we have been victimized or destroyed by abuse? My friends and family do not understand. It is rarely talked about in the media. Seems as if its not really recognized as a real problem however this is very real to me. You cant begin to look for effective means of treatment until you first acknowledge the problem. We need a wake up call to the world.

#2 Jul 11 - 11PM

SBlaze86

Re: NVS

Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. This is a serious topic that merits public service announcements! People who subject others to this type of treatment are without a doubt abusive and are therefore, abusers! This phenomenon is real and I just hope blogs like this one fuel the discussion that much more. Had it not been for sites like this and others, I might have risked subjecting myself to more 'tough love' and continued to unknowingly assist a potential abuser in diminishing my wants,needs and expectations. Women especially need to know that it's NOT all about him, it's about the BOTH of you.

#3 Jul 11 - 10PM

James (not verified)

NVS

Very good article and thanks so much for sharing. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#4 Jul 11 - 7PM

betty2020

My XN was the Stealth

My XN was the Stealth Narcissist..

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#5 Jul 11 - 7PM

NancyM

Awesome article

And betty you are so right...we need to shout it from the rooftops. I am pretty sure I will dedicate the rest of my life to doing that...dunno how yet though.:)

Nevergoback

#6 Jul 11 - 7PM (Reply to #17)

betty2020

Well Nancy all our heads are

Well Nancy all our heads are better than one so we will discover a way to make this a reality. I will fight this for the rest of my life too. Anyone with advice on how to build awareness, let them please speak now. We just gotta keep it legal...xoxo.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#7 Jul 11 - 12PM

betty2020

and how many of us are out

and how many of us are out there that never find their way to this forum? Lost souls wandering around with no understanding of what happened to them or how to get out of it..

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#8 Jul 11 - 11AM

Scoop

I agree 100% , yesterday i

I agree 100% , yesterday i said to a friend that my narc was a psycopath and he laughrd at me and said laughing "he is not a psycopath".. i lowered my voise and i said right at him "you HAVE to take me seriously on this , i am not joking " it is a terrible thing to live with when even close friends have no understanding of what we went through .When im better im going to look in to doing something about it ... dont know what yet though xx

#9 Jul 11 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

loveofmylife

Yes, you are right

If I was to tell anyone who "knows" N that he is an N - they would laugh. Because everyone loves him, he is "the nicest guy", seems like he would do anything for anyone. And thats actually one of the problems...he will do almost anything for anyone...including fulfilling the needs of dozens of women that want to be in a relationship with him at the same time!!!! He also is so self-effacing and appears to have no ego. That is the part that has always thrown me off and why no one would believe me. But you girls on this board see it all and have told me I've been in complete denial about it! But I guess that's also why our minds get so badly messed up. The dichotomies are unreal! And what they do in public vs. what they do in private can be RADICALLY different!

#10 Jul 11 - 11AM

Steph

Totally agree with you. It

Totally agree with you. It makes everything worse when you feel you are not understood, especially by close friends and family. I know I thought maybe there really was something wrong with me. I think some people just think we are scorned, heartbroken women that can't let it go. But, as we all know, it goes so much deeper than that. This whole Mel Gibson thing just proves how oblivious society is regarding abuse. I wonder if it would have even made the news if he hadn't made racial comments, but was still abusive to her. frustrating

#11 Jul 11 - 11AM (Reply to #12)

Lisa E. Scott

Stayingstrong

Very good point: "This whole Mel Gibson thing just proves how oblivious society is regarding abuse. I wonder if it would have even made the news if he hadn't made racial comments, but was still abusive to her." Just goes to show how much work we have to do! Together, we will build awareness!

#12 Jul 11 - 11AM

Lisa E. Scott

Betty

Thanks for posting this! Together, we will build awareness! "While narcissism itself has been a diagnosis in the DSM - IV, psychiatry's complete reference, little to nothing has been written in the medical literature surrounding those who live with the narcissist - and the torturous lives they live. And there are many of them out there."

#13 Jul 11 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

betty2020

Yes and this is a very

Yes and this is a very serious problem. How can we get the victims the help they need if we refuse to make it public. I have to be completely honest. I had no idea that this abuse is so traumatic to the victim until i became one myself. And i do not live in a sheltered world. I am in the medical profession and should be aware of the impact of this type of abuse. Yet i knew nothing! It is by far worse than physical abuse. Bruises go away and you can see them so you know the abuse took place. This is something completely different. When you are made to think that you are crazy and no one in the world will validate what has happened to you it is unbearable. No one sees the scars so it never happened. But it did happen. And it left me a real mess. I just wish i could do something to change this with society. I wish i could scream at the top of my voice....LOOK AT US!!!!!!THIS IS REAL!! sorry if im venting today.. just a little worked up..luv you guys xoxox

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#14 Jul 11 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

almostlydia

I got so upset last year

I got so upset last year when reading an article in the Oprah magazine by a women writer about one of her girlfriends that was a narcissist. In her effort to be humorous she completely disregarded the seriousness of the 'disorder' as well as all the dead bodies they leave in their path. I was so mad I wrote them one of those 'letters to the editor' about how they had completely missed the opportunity to educate on a very important subject and never picked up an Oprah magazine again.

almostlydia

#15 Jul 11 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

betty2020

Did you get a response?

Did you get a response? When i wrote the editors of ABC dateline about the jesse james interview they deleted my blog and never responded to me. They did not want to hear anything about us victims. Just wanted to get their ratings. All i asked was that they expose both sides of the story. The narcissist and the victims perspective. NO RESPONSE> we dont exist i guess

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#16 Jul 11 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

almostlydia

No response, course i never

No response, course i never looked at another magazine to even see if they published my letter. THIS is a big thing to me as well because I struggled for so long thinking something was wrong with me and was made to feel even more like a failure by friends that should have at least tried to understand the abuse or at least noticed the difference in what I was and what I had become. They were adding to my despair in so many ways. It wasn't until I stumbled on this site with all its links that I finally felt validated and relieved. I stopped talking about it with people for the most part except in general terms and what I have found is a growing number of people who have a daughter, friend etc.. involved with narcissist. It's almost like a silent plague. I am happy to do my part to get the word out -

almostlydia

#17 Jul 11 - 7PM (Reply to #5)

betty2020

This is so true. I stopped

This is so true. I stopped talking about it too b/c i just feel like the deer in the headlights analogy. They dont get it and just get this strange look on their faces. They look at me as if this is something i have imagined to justify my behavior. I just cant take it. I wish there was a way to bring this awareness forward and have it well recognized so i dont have to live in the closet anymore. its so frustrating.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#18 Jul 11 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

almostlydia

I felt like I was digging a

I felt like I was digging a bigger hole for myself because so many people were so fooled by him. I assumed it made me look more like the crazy woman I figured he made me out to be because people were so hooked into his charm. After I found this site and all the links, I felt relieved and validated enough just to say I was extremely damaged by a relationship with a psychopath and leave it at that unless someone was dealing with it in some way themselves. Otherwise, they just can't imagine. I think our time of acknowledgement is coming as this is growing. I see this by the number of responses on all the blogs and articles posted. One site I love that someone posted was the planetjan site. she was overwhelmed by the number of responses to her narcissism blog. Our time of recognition is coming. Thanks for the post. It was great and i printed it out to pass along for all the 'nonbelievers'.

almostlydia

#19 Jul 11 - 11PM (Reply to #7)

almostlydia

Posting this site for anyone

Posting this site for anyone who missed it. It's a GREAT read. http://planetjan.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/the-mirror-talks-reflections-on-narcissism-1/

almostlydia

#20 Jul 12 - 12AM (Reply to #8)

betty2020

Thank you for that. It was

Thank you for that. It was an excellent read. It puts finalization to the idea that the N would ever go back to the beginning of idealization after the D&D. It really is just a sequel.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#21 Jul 12 - 11AM (Reply to #9)

Lisa E. Scott

We already are building awareness

I noticed some of you said that once you feel better, you will start building awareness. You already are! Just by being on this site and contributing your insight, experience and advice, you are building awareness. We will take this much further as we are in a unique position to live in a free country where we can be heard. They may delete posts we send into Oprah magazine, ABC or The Bachelorette (i.e. discussing Jake's narcissism), but they cannot prohibit us from speaking our mind in our own forum This forum is all of ours to help educate and build awareness. By taking the on-line discussion into group meetings in metro areas and creating a support group for this kind of abuse, we are building awareness. When we start our support groups in August, they will be the first of their kind. Obviously, it's clear that the demand for such a support group is high. I am determined to expose this pathology and build awareness. I definitely can't do it alone so here's to all of working together to make this happen. Cheers!

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