Ns get miserable when they get older... is it true?

My ex N is 43 years old,and told me in the begin from our liaison that he was only happy the year his mum moved from Tulsa to Vegas with him and his brother and 4 sisters,they stayed for a year and that was the happiest time in his life,because his mum turned into a much caring and happy person,but then he got very ill and she couldn't cope and they moved bck to Tulsa and the hell started again...beatings,abuse etc...she dumped him at his grandma's(his fathers mum )and never looked back again till he was a teenager,then she would smoke pot and drink whisky with him....i think this story is one of the reasons that i really did try too hard to stay with him....aint life a bitch....

mine is bordering misery, not old enough yet, but hes up and down, somedays hes so happy and other days miserable, hes on a roll for five days hes been happy, things are better over there i guess, so hes still carrying on the charade, but with a more pleasant attitude...Jaycee

catches up with the N, my XNH spiraled so quickly, I did not know what was happening..all the shame caught up with him, he loathed himself, women, his mother...but still loved or as close as he could come to it, me and and 2 children..they were 18/16 when he started going down..by the time they were 19/17, he had disappeared...up until that point, he told total strangers and family members that he was dying of cancer..then he would break down in tears and speak about killing himself, we had to divorce, for my own fianancial security, because he just started ordering credit cards and maxing them out..we had to sell our beautiful home, and I let him sleep in the guest house because by then he was living on the streets like a homeless bum, a handsome intelligent man, looked deranged and dirty, and manic, he walked around in the backyard with a loaded gun to his head and would tell me this is it..I learned to not react, because that would cause a reaction..eventually, he left..yes, for the better.,,for all 3 of us, but the big ???? of the town..just like a Narc, people still talk and ask about him...very sad disorder

I am fresh to this site and in fact only very recently finally have a name to put on what I have lived with i'm sorry to say the better part of my life. My mother is an N and I was the scapegoat child. My father was an enabler. I have been no contact with them for several years now and truly don't miss them. So what do I do? You guessed it, I get involved with a N guy. I realize that I found a kind of sick comfort level in him. Pretty pathetic really. Anyway, he is tall, slender and well built, handsome, quite wealthy, charming and humorous when he wants to be. A girls dream. (He would just love to read this) He is accustomed to women noticing him and getting what he wants. He lied about his age when we first met 9 years ago, I guess that should have been a first clue. He is now 57 years old and I have actually seen him get angry when some twenty something year old cutie didn't notice him. OH Brother! Who's pathetiic now! His sources of NS have dwindled and he is feeling the pain. He is noticiably more depressed, angry,complaining and his rages are more frequent and out of control. He has completely alienated friends, co-workers and myself. Nobody can stand to be around him. He talks about death all the time lately which is a real pick me up for anyone who has to listen to him. So, yes they do get worse with age, much worse. Just one more thing to look forward to with an N

well here is where i can speak from experience, as my EXN is in his later 60's and when I wrote him a month or so ago saying maybe he should revisit his relationship with his mother, therein may lie the key to his relationships with the 5 important women in his life including me,he wrote me a hateful, vile letter calling me a slut, whore, offering free sex on the internet, first come, first served, in my "desperate and depraved condition" and going to buy a computer and webcam and do cybersex with it, all HIS words in the letter, There you have his state of mind, a pathetic man reduced to cybersex, which I would NEVER do in a million years, I like the REAL thing, so here he is a bitter, hateful, vengeful man in a desperate and depraved condition, living an isolated,life in a tiny town , where no one really knows him, remember they speak about themselves when they say such things. He never once addressed my thoughts about his mother, not once.ALWAYS throwing back stuff onto you without any self awareness as to what Ihad said to him, it is amazing how these men operate.

The N's father was an abuser, no question or doubt about it. During my fog period, I thought the apple fell far from the tree...humph! N used to complain that they'd be HOURS late, heck I noticed they'd be HOURS late because N's father would stand in the mirror for HOURS trimming his moustache???!!! Seriously, plans for lunch around 1pm...they'd show up 7:45 and always due to this man standing in the mirror for HOURS??? I'm not kidding! N's mother, the self made matyr/masochist claimed, she was going crazy because he'd gotten worse with the abuse. I tried to help her, but she loves it too much...I got labeled a bitch!...Humph! Anyhow, that was my proof in the pudding that they do get worse. He's paranoid as hell, she can't leave the house, can't talk to her kids, shoot, can't take a crap without his approval! I'd like to think though that in addition to becomming worse, their penises retract! HA! But, I'm STILL in a good mood. Even more so now that I can branwash myself that in fact, this does happen...may have already happened with the Narc...he's older than me...nanananana

Dont think they do necesarily. Think they can get very set in there ways and become quite comfortable being solitary soul. they suck energy form people all the way ot he end and that enegry keeps some of them going strong.. I know an narc who is in 50's. He used to be a herion addict who abused woman. then he found "GOD' and yoga.. he is like this now... super fit, young looking (from never taking on the stresses of the world that we all have to face) agile, does shady deals and makes alot of money, no relationships becasue of his work, had one relationship recently that didnt last.. Is invloved with loads of woman who are spiritual healers that think he is truly devine soul and dont know hoe he makes his money. He spouts spirtual stuff and sounds liek a genuine caring person. To people who dont know him, he looks like a really healthy happy older man who is enjoying his life.. he travels around the world to crystal conventions and studies homeopathy. he had all his maulled teeth (from the herion) removed and implants put it... he spent thousands on it, to keep his youthful appearance. He genuinely looks and seems satisfied with his life. hours of meditation, retreats and yoga. He has kids that he never linked up with until they were adults.. and he reaps the benefits of those adult relationships that he never put anything into when they were young and needed him.. he really seems to be happy.. He is NOT narly or miserable like you speak of. Once my depressed friend came to my house.. he is supposed to be a crystal healer.. right.. I said to him, that my friend was comign over who has severe mental health problems. he said to me ' good luck with that' like saying, 'yea, you do that, but I wouldn't touch it' he believes (like my narc husband who is his mate) that he has to keep all the 'toxic' people out his life at all costs. Now there is difference between keeping out toxic people and supporting friends who needs your help' God if my mates had disowned me when all this was going on because my energy was bad for them, then I would be very screwed... He said it becasue he has no comapssion. And he is supposed to be a healer.. Of course 'cystal healer' is his cover.. SO no they dont all get miserable, some of them enjoy being alone, being right, being in control without anyone to come between them and there meeting there own needs...

..I fully intend to make sure that he IS... :-) You didn't hear that from me! :-)

Mine complained all the time. It became like white noise, I would just think blah blah blah... He hated his job (he should have been taken more seriously), his kids (with the exW) didn't respect him, his health was always crappy (what a suprise)...The last real conversation we had was him saying how miserable he was and that he was going into therapy to get his head on straight and come back to me... ALL LIES! He was already engaged and had been for several years. When I finally found out he rushed this poor girl to the alter. She has married a pathological liar and I feel really sorry for her!

But from what I can tell from my own situation, it seems as though when they get older two things happen: 1) they're no longer able to get the supply they did when they were younger; 2) the karma from many many years of messing with people's minds and lives, and not being authentic, comes back to bit them big time. I think they find themselves with few friends, their career prospects may suffer, their love life may suffer, they look for help but won't get the generous outpouring that they feel they so rightly deserve. The ex was often generous, however what he doesn't realize is how freakin' obvious the price tag was. He helped you and then expected eternal gratitude and worship for it, also he may call it in later. So there's my .02. I've seen the ex's life just go completely haywire since I left, in every respect. It's been shocking really.

my exh became known asthis miserable sod of an actor who was in a sitcom in uk...i wont write the name...but the actor words were...I DONT BELIEVE IT, and he never stopped moaning and always had a long face.... he b/c a cult figure here..the actor i mean, not my exh....well only in his own mindlol.....he didnt stop moaning from morning till night, then had the cheek to say...oh well mustnt grumble......he never stopped..