N's and oral...yes or no

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Sep 28 - 5PM
agilitysb (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

No intimacy....

My N wouldn't allow for intimacy in the relationship so it was difficult to set the mood for sex. When we did have sex she was a little hesitant with the oral part and always would stop me before she would.....(I love to give) She then once in a while would give it to me. My N never really seemed like sex was important to her, she never allowed intimacy in our relationship....sometimes it felt like it was a chore for her....there was no emotion, sometimes she would watch tv while we were in the act...not porno...regular programs! this was a turn off for me. One thing that was odd was that when she wanted to start a fight she would say that we didn't F.....enough, I was always perplexed about this because I always wanted it. A big problem in our marriage was that she thought I was having sex with every woman who walked by....it was totally strange because I am a very faithful man.
Sep 28 - 1PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

interesting responses

the general answer is NO, I just find it shocking especially with the sexual narcs, I can take it or leave it it wont break or make a relationship with me, must be some psychological reason most DO NOT, I am not even going to figure that one out who cares I guess they are all the same
Sep 28 - 8PM
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yes. My exN always said he

Yes. My exN always said he felt incompetent in the bedroom, but I was happy. But he did ask for reassurance that he was ok a lot. I just couldnt kiss him after awhile because of all the fooling around he did. I was angry. Couldnt kiss him on the mouth. Is that weird? ~Free to Be~
Sep 28 - 2AM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Big Fat NO. he once said a

Big Fat NO. he once said a dr asked him when was the last time he had oral sex and he said 8 years...dr said you must be married to my wife. He loved telling that story. He believed God was punishing him for being too sexual in his past...so there was a lot of oddness around anything sexual. Although when we got back together for the 2nd time...he didnt mention his fear of being punished as often.
Sep 27 - 11PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Uggh, okay...not into talking about sex on here too much, that's just me...but I had to speak up about this. Mine was sooo not into it, which I really hated. I mentioned it sheepishly, he made up some sh** excuses, like about his confidence?? When we got back together, he promised it wouldn't be an issue...and guess what, nothing. I didn't even bother to ask again because he acted weird the whole time he was here before he D&D'd and dumped me again. He knew this was really important to me, and was never an issue with previous relationships?? But of course, it killed my confidence in me thinking what's wrong with ME...which they are experts at. But if you think about it, if it's only a problem with the stupid Narcs, that kind of makes it dawn on you, that it's NOT you...just like everything else Narcs do to mess with your brain. And the kicker is, he really wanted it for himself...a lot. I always wanted to say WTF dude?? Is this only about YOU?? Uh-huh!!
Sep 27 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the oral argument

exNH - no way jose (he was an intellectual Narc) Psycho-Boy - LOVED GIVING IT... relentlessly (he was a sexual Narc) Just look at his Casual Sex ads: http://Eroticy.com/MySexetera/Profile/ViewProfile.asp?ID=282692 http://Eroticy.com/MySexetera/Profile/ViewProfile.asp?ID=221863 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Sep 28 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Barbara, he has 0 friends!

What's funny about that link is that he has 0 friends. LOL ~Free to Be~
Sep 27 - 9PM
faith999's picture

a big fat YES!

That was one of the ways he kept me under his control.I didn't get the presents or the I love yous very often. I got the "I will give you orgasm after orgasm until you beg for mercy....no man will ever satisfy you like I do"....I know beautiful wasn't it?
Sep 28 - 4AM (Reply to #10)
Monica's picture

Faith999 - same here

Mine was the same. No presents or I love yous. Used sex to keep me under his control. He was a cerebral but he was pretty good at oral. Had ED issues for the "normal" stuff so it was usually oral for us all the time. Marathon masturbator and porn addict that he was.....
Sep 27 - 9PM
tasha's picture


Mine was fairly good at it-it was a norm in our relations...plenty of practice I guess!!slut he was!
Sep 27 - 9PM
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

No to Oral

I posted somewhere else, and the answer was the same, no! lol!
Sep 27 - 9PM
thisisnotfun's picture


Once and it was awful.
Sep 28 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
LAex's picture


It was long distance so when we saw one another, yes. And he loved to mention how he liked to give it. He was really into the kink, me being submissive, porn, and probably anything that caused me pain. Love to masturbate especially over the phone....ick. Feel disgusted by him,
Sep 28 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
GhostBuster's picture


No oral from either of my ex Ns. The second one, the cerebral, even hated receiving it. Absolutely refused...said "I don't like that!" the one time I tried. As for giving, both were completely repulsed by the thought. It didn't matter that much to me, so I didn't push it. There's a longtime friend I've had who I'm questioning now if he could be an N. We slept together once (dumb mistake)...and he couldn't get it up, but loved to give oral. I think he did so to compensate for not being able to get it up.
Oct 1 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
nhtmf's picture

UH-UH, no way no how. Got

UH-UH, no way no how. Got the gifts and I love you's but oral no. He told me that most of the guys he knew hated it so he was just a regular guy. Funny since he doesn't have any male friends. Also, as far as receiving oral, he told me it was beneath me to do that. When the hell did I become a Madonna?
Oct 3 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Chloe's picture

Cerebral vc. Somatic Narcissists

The cerebral narcissist uses his mind, not his body, while the somatic narcissist uses his body. Both narcissists hate intimacy, and in my case, the best sex was when he was drunk. Often, I would be screamed at or pushed when I came near him. He would very regularly moan and groan if I initiated sex. He acted like he was kidding, so when I continued to approach him, he would R A G E!!!!! Out of control. Oral sex? NO! It was exactly like the books say, "masterbating into a warm body." Sorry, it sounds horrible, but worse, it is horrible!
Aug 21 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
Begum's picture


Begum mine loves oral sex. he hardly ever inisiates sex though. i always have to start. one thing i always found wierd was that when i left the room in the mornings he would mastubate.