N's and oral...yes or no

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#1 Sep 27 - 9PM
Beachcolors's picture

N's and oral...yes or no

Like some spoke of in another post...it would be interesting to take a poll on the ORAL arguement.

Mine was a big fat NO! He wouldn't even consider it!

He claims he has only done it twice in his entire 45 years.

Aug 26 - 12PM
hopefuljms's picture

Very interesting topic. It

Very interesting topic. It certainly made me reflect on what it was like with the N. The sex was amazing in the beginning. Nothing was off limits. Never said no, was never too tired no matter what time of day or night. Now, that being said, there were some definite oddities. The first thing to stop was oral sex. I had to actually ask for it. The second was the whole eyes shut thing. He would never look at me and a fair amount of the time he was looking at my back when he finished anyway. I used to wonder why he did that and I guess now I know.
Aug 22 - 7PM
gettinbetter's picture

wonder if anyone experienced this...

Is it normal for them to lose their erection? Have their eyes closed part of the time and then tell you how much they love you when they see that you are freaking out (because of the ED?). All I could think is he isnt attracted to me anymore as this was the first time I had been with him in a number of years. Also he would never kiss with an open mouth? I honestly had never had this happen before. I had known him years prior to this and this had never happened before. Its all so very strange. All I can say is that it was "Strange" What is this all about? A control issue?
Aug 22 - 9AM
enoughalready's picture


The first month he told me he only did oral twice to past gf's as he thought it was gross. Then he started doing it to me all the time. I could tell he was telling the truth as he didn't know what he was doing. Toward our 4th year and breaking up intermittently, he would always say" take off your pants so I can eat you", it was almost as if he performed well, I would stay with him. He became very good at it and frankly I think he was doing oral to all the OW when he was cheating and lying on me. Now he's with a stripper-can't imagine what diseases they're sharing.
Aug 21 - 10PM
almostlydia's picture

I guess you mean getting and

I guess you mean getting and not giving because I've never seen a man need to get it more in my entire life and I've been around. He depended on it for his very survival, or so you would think. But give it????? it was like he was doing you the biggest favor in the world. And he didn't he do it well. Mostly very frustrating. He enjoyed letting me know that I was the only one he would do that for. And I believe this may have actually been one of the few truths he ever said. Once when we had broken up for weeks or so, he came over threw me on the bed and spent 30 minutes going at it. Drove my sexless self quite crazy. Then he got up and left. No follow thru. I think he thought he was showing me the most sincere form of love he could show. Course he left me hanging AGAIN. It was definitely about a 20 to 1 deal as to him getting vs. me getting. The main thing is he just didn't get it at all. Like he got all his sex 101 from porn movies. It's ridiculous to not know any better than this by the time you're in your mid 40's. Geesh. I don't know if his eyes were always closed but I know he use to ask me who I fantasized about during sex and I was completely amazed. Obviously, that was what he was doing. Much like having to 'teach' him about kissing. The fact it all comes down to is that have no innate ability to understand intimacy. Only re act what they've seen. Needing to get it as if life itself depended on it was what completely perplexed me. almostlydia


Aug 21 - 8PM
betty2020's picture

Only in the honeymoon

Only in the honeymoon phase..then it was all about him. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 21 - 10PM (Reply to #40)
M's picture

yes honeymoon phase

then sex turned into "Can't you just give me a blow job?"
Aug 23 - 1AM (Reply to #43)
sweetsamm's picture

yes,M,blow jobs......

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't count the times he would ask me to blow him.........why would i give a bj to a guy i hate! When i left him,he said "you suck at head',LOL LOL...........I KNOW i'm good at that! As for oral from him,it was abundant in the beginning,non existent in the end..............sex was great in the beginning,doggie style in the end......if I never bend over for sex again,it will be too soon,lol
Aug 21 - 10PM (Reply to #41)
MsVulcan500's picture

Same here!!

Same here!!
Aug 22 - 8AM (Reply to #42)
Bodhi's picture


By the end of the relationship I was just taking care of business myself because he was terrible... he didn't know what I liked because he never paid attention or cared. Also, his idea of sexy time was lying on his back and letting me take care of everything. He was annoyed that I had needs.
Aug 21 - 7PM
OriginalMe's picture

Mine was great at sex (a lot

Mine was great at sex (a lot of practice). But here is a greater question for the group... Were his eyes open during sex, looking at you or were they shut? My exN - SHUT!

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Jun 14 - 4PM
smileyfacepr's picture

oh my goodness!!

We did it alot we both loved it..we had a fantastic sex life all around the whole 7 yrs even up to the end, romance and all...mayb thats y I havent been able to let go!Best lover iv ever had so much so that I cant even imagine being w/anyone else! Is that silly??


Aug 26 - 11AM (Reply to #37)
Nicole96's picture

sex and my n

I am having a similar fear. My N and I were together for over 9 years and the sex (especially in the end) was at its best. He would give me oral a lot and even though i am getting emotionally stronger after the break up i cant shake these dreams where we are intimate. I fear i wont find someone who will satisfy me in this arena.
Aug 21 - 11PM (Reply to #26)
faithinthefuture's picture

Us too

Our sex life was fantastic! Had sex all the time! And if it was oral w/me he would look at me while he was doing it! All the lies cheating and saying what he did about the skanks he was with...like they smelled.EWWW! and the last one saying she had HPV.(he never admitted being w/her. She told everyone at the bar she had it) and finding out he gave me chlamydia. I no longer think of sex with him as being fantastic. The thought of having sex with him now grosses me out! And creeps me out! He's as dirty as the skanks he cheated with.
Aug 22 - 12AM (Reply to #27)
almostlydia's picture

The only phenomenal sex we

The only phenomenal sex we had in the second half of the ten yrs was make up sex (funny I wrote break up sex and then remembered it was 'make up sex') because it never lasted after the break ups turned into some cycle on his calender. The phenomenal part was really just being in our own little world, with no outside influences. Of course, this began to be impossible to as his game of the moment would preclude any being there in the moment with me. Even so, I probably could have survived on our sex life although I wondered what would happen if we lived together and I couldn't go home and finish myself off:) The idea of the 'skanks' did it for me too. The last time I lost it and text him that I just wanted to sleep with him again, after being with toxic friends that depressed me so badly that I text him on the way home, he showed up at my front door within 30 minutes. I said sleep only, no sex because of the skanks, and that's all it was. Sleep. He was perfectly ok with it. Just to sleep with me again. Sad. Sad. Sad. That is the one thing I miss more than anything, just sleeping all cuddled up with him. I had been married to a man for 15 yrs that I couldn't stand to sleep with because he snored so badly it rose the roof. I miss the sleeping part beyond belief. almostlydia


Aug 22 - 7AM (Reply to #28)
helldweller's picture

Oral and

alymostlydia, the "sleeping with" part made me so sad, because we only got into a bed together twice in four years--it was always on the couch or the floor. The only times we slept together we did not actually have sex at all. He expressly told me he would not. "I will spend the night but just sleeping," he said, and he meant it. He left before morning both times. As for giving me oral, he only began it after he devalued me, as part of his hugely sexual "displays of affection" designed to prove (right) how much he loved me. The oral from his was ridiculous. I couldn't reallly even feel if he was succeeding, he was pulling back the whole time. He usually ended up just biting me. As for me giving it to him, yes it was a matter of life and death. I could have told him to go to hell and take his f-ing family with him, called the police on him, slapped him, whatever, and he would text me begging for "just five minutes" if we hadn't gotten to that because of a fight. There were days I had the flu, vomiting, couldn't breathe from respiratory infections, and he would beg and beg, totally oblivious, and I'd be crying and choking, and he just didn't care. That last night, when I threw him out, I had stopped drinking for a few days and he was pouring vodka into my glass and forcing me to drink it. Needless to say, I got very drunk and also sick and I begged him to please just sit with me and he just forced me and forced me and I was crying and then, as soon as he finished, threw him out. Just wanted to mention, he would grab my hair so hard and grind me onto him. He would literally wrap my hair around his hand to get a better grip and end up pulling it out. I finally cut it all off, like a pixie cut, and he would still manage to do it, just pull off tufts of it and then look at the tufts in his fingers with a blank stare while I was doing him. So sick.
Aug 22 - 2PM (Reply to #29)
almostlydia's picture


OMG, girl. This 'man' is a freaking maniac. I am so glad you're getting away from this. Where I live they're dropping judges like flies. 16 so far forced to resign for mostly bad behavior. They said they've never seen anything like it but others say it's been going on for years and just now coming to light. And to think these maniacs can hold your fate in their hands. Scary stuff. Back to the subject, tho. I'm still curious as hell as to what it is about blow jobs and these guys. I thought maybe it was the ultimate power over someone, having them kneel before you so to speak. But it really is putting your most vulnerable thing right out there to be severely damaged at will I would think. How does one google this subject:)? almostlydia


Aug 22 - 2PM (Reply to #30)
Janet's picture

When I was on my period (we

When I was on my period (we would often still have sex with a towel under) but he would say, "oh good, bj night". While the sex seemed like it was great, there were a lot of weird things going on that I turned a blind eye to. I don't know how you google it without getting a lot of porn sites (I have tried). Peace. J

Peace. J

Aug 22 - 4PM (Reply to #31)
helldweller's picture


He would say, "Bad for you, good for me" when I had my period, which was just silly because he always got it anyway, and absolutely insisted on mauling me until I cried or bled or whatever, so it was just something he heard and was repeating, I guess.
Aug 23 - 2AM (Reply to #36)
sweetsamm's picture

I have an IUD,no periods!

I have an IUD,no periods! So,noooooo just blowjob nights...but,he would think of any reason for one...ugh,i'm throwing up in my mouth now........i'm actually too embarrassed to say what he had me do in the beginning.....RED FLAG!!!
Aug 22 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
MsVulcan500's picture

Funny thing,

When I was on my period I would tell him "It's all about you tonight." Hahahaha! A little ironic since now that's where I'm spending my time, on "It's all about him"! But then it turned out it was always all about him. He always got me worked up then left me hanging. I went through so many batteries while dating him I could have owned Duracell!
Aug 22 - 11PM (Reply to #35)
almostlydia's picture


Know exactly what you mean. Could have a chunk of duracell myself. almostlydia


Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #33)
Janet's picture

Yo - Rechargeable is the way

Yo - Rechargeable is the way to go. Peace. J

Peace. J

Aug 22 - 11PM (Reply to #34)
almostlydia's picture

Thank you, Janet

for giving me a much needed laugh. I love you guys. After ten years of lying, cheating sh*t isn't is just amazing to say it all like it is with no holding back? God I love it. It reminds me of being in the hospital after my son was born, thinking who gives a sh*t now everyone and his brother has seen it all, come on in. I got nothing to cover up anymore. almostlydia


Jun 14 - 3PM
rainbow1's picture


Mine never would do this! Ever! In the year that we were together he would only do it if I were doing it to him at the same time (only twice). I would ask him many times but he would tell me no. However, he had no problem waking me up with his junk in my face. Or straight up saying "suck my dick now". (sorry for the vulger language). I was expected to do it multiple times a week but never got anything in return. However, I thought it was very weird that he said he has never came from oral. is that normal?

"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Sep 28 - 9PM
Marie's picture

Yes but that's it

That's all he would do or I should say could do. Even that grew lame after awhile. Sex with him was just awful, the worst.Near the end I wouldn't even think of asking him to do something that way I had a chance of him getting it right. He would also try to avoid sex. Imagine a guy avoiding sex? Guess he'd rather go get off to porn than be with me.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #23)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

not even a sex drive... just nothing

geez you know - I don't like porn and think it's covert cheating... exNH hated Porn as much as he hated sex. HATED it. A detective checked him out. No porn. Nothing. The ICE MAN. I married THE ICE MAN. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Sep 28 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


a lot of the people there, particularly men - have zero friends... that's the casual sex site he's been unable to erase so far... he was ALL OVER THE NET dolce - email me at one2one4victims@gmail.com - I will show you his picture. He also has LOADS of 'friends' on his twitter & facebook accounts. 100s of them. what I found interesting was what he wanted: "ANYONE for ANYTHING" and the PRACTICES I HAVE SOME INTEREST IN when he swore on the Torah, up & down - he'd NEVER have an affair, cheat on his wife, and he'd never EVER done cybersex before. And those are some of the SMALL lies. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Sep 28 - 6PM
trueblue101's picture

Yes and No

He did in the beginning and then not so much after I slept with him (I think he felt that he didn't need to put in that much effort after). I was giving far more than I ever received and I finally said enough and it was now tit for tat!!!! He was not happy about that!
Sep 28 - 5PM
Cgrl's picture


Holiday - Like I said in another thread, it had to be a special and I mean a special occasion. I guess he wanted to save his tongue for the insults he needed to throw my way. The recent one - he prided himself on his oral skills. In the four months we lived together I got to experience it maybe three times. Yes he was good but I think his dick was in my mouth wayyyyyyyyyy more than he was south. He was pulling away so it stopped and I knew he was going to abandon me when it stopped. He would always tell me how sexual he was but I will be honest - I was expecting way better than I got. He was brutal sometimes, so far away and it was not loving or anything - it was incessant pounding and hurting. He broke my heart.
Sep 28 - 5PM (Reply to #19)
agilitysb (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Sorry to hear that!!! It was very cruel.