NPDs & Psychopaths Have 1 Goal

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#1 Oct 17 - 11AM

Anonymous (not verified)

NPDs & Psychopaths Have 1 Goal

I used to spend hour upon hour asking myself why did the exn do this or that, and reading other posts see that as a common theme.

I now realize the ONLY goal these people have is to DESTROY. There really is no need to pick apart and analyze everything they say & do. Every bit of it is done to destroy you.

Having no conscience allows them the freedom to do ANYTHING without any remorse whatsoever.

Trying to figure out how and why is moot and never ending.

You just have to get them out of your life and you really will return to the happy self confidant person you were before their unfortunate arrival.

They will not, can not ever change.

Don't underestimate them. If you allow them the freedom to, they will destroy you.

Going and staying complete NC truly is the ONLY way to regaining a healthy state of mind.

Just my thoughts!

Ruby

#2 Oct 17 - 9PM

Layla

My diagnosed N/AsPD Husband.......

...I shall quote him, "I am going to destroy you. One way or another....you'll be left destitute". These clowns know what they are doing, and what they are saying. No doubt in my mind. Could this be a trait more or less of his "antisocial" part of him? Probably, not sure, and really don't care. he was violent, period. Ruby01, you my dear have hit the nail on the head.....my abuser was probably more outright violent on the spectrum, but make no mistake, a smiling, quiet PD will destroy you just the same, with the same lack of empathy because lack of empathy is the cornerstone of PD's. Great post! Love~ Layla

#3 Oct 17 - 7PM

Erali

I am a bit divided, I agree

I am a bit divided, I agree with Ruby and Mandy. I think my ex didn't totally want to hurt me, but he also said things that implied that he was actually set out to destroy me. The consequences of me figuring him out must be unsavoury for him, but he didn't care that he went as far as he did to hurt me. I would like to believe that he didn't intentionally hurt me, and I think maybe a small part of him does feel that way, but ultimately I have a hard time giving him the benefit of the doubt.

#4 Oct 17 - 5PM

ruby01 (not verified)

Do we all agree that they have a false persona

to lure people in and further manipulate you with while you are in an intimate relationship with them? If you agree that what you were dealing with wasn't at all what you were really dealing with and you were being conned for their benefit only, the entire time. I must have just been with a major SOB N/P because there is no doubt that although for the most part he appeared to "adore" me, he just did that or he wouldn't have been able to try to bring me down, which was his intent from the very start. I think every last one of them are fully aware what they are doing from the start. Otherwise they could just act like the total black holes that they are. No one would come near them, no one would hire them, they would be outcast from the start. And they know it. There are no nice NPD's/Psychopaths.

#5 Oct 17 - 5PM (Reply to #26)

drcrnp

Spot on Ruby! Mine, as

Spot on Ruby! Mine, as described below, called our mutual friend, moaning about how he loves his new woman who threw him out because she thought he was still communicating with me. (He's not.) In one breath he said how he cares for her and in the next breath he said, "Damn now I have to go back on the net to find someone to drive me and take care of me for my surgery." Love???? Oh when he wanted me he wooed me with vigor. Whether it's getting the lowest price, stealing from the system or getting NS, he is smart all right - smart like a cockroach. All about survival at anyone else's expense.

#6 Oct 17 - 2PM

MandyM

My ex was/is a covert,

My ex was/is a covert, passive aggressive narcissist, and yes, I was devastated by the end of it, but I truly don't think that was something he set out to do. He wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, plain and simple, and when I wasn't what he wanted any longer, that was it - he was done, and he left. Did he care how much he hurt me? No, but hurting me wasn't his intention - it was a bi-product of his just doing whatever he wanted. In fact, to be honest, considering how important it was to him that everyone liked him, I think it troubled him greatly when I deleted him from my FB and he realized he couldn't just bounce back into my life whenever he felt like it and be well-received. It bothers him to no end when he thinks someone doesn't like him; more than once, he fretted to me that he had to disappoint one of his nephews and he was nervous and worried that the kid would be mad at him. Unfortunately, he can't or won't make the connection that actions have consequences, and owning those consequences is something he'll never do. Maybe it's too difficult for him to see himself. Besides, what HE wants is much more important than anything else.

#7 Oct 17 - 7PM (Reply to #24)

Syren66 (not verified)

That's mine too, Mandy...he

That's mine too, Mandy...he was more upset that while we were splitting but in the same house still, he wasn't invited to a 4th of July gathering at my family's house in the suburbs. He's overly nice to me in public when we're around mutual friends...trying to impress them with what a nice guy he is...always running for fucking office. He makes me want to vomit.

#8 Oct 17 - 4PM (Reply to #23)

prettypeeved

This strikes a chord with my

This strikes a chord with my own experiences. While he wanted me, I'm pretty sure he really did WANT me. Unfortunately I was reluctant because I could sense something was wrong, and after a while he found someone else he wanted. The next thing I knew all he wanted where I was concerned was for me to get out of his life because I was in his way. Later when it all went wrong for him, he wanted to spend time with me again - only he couldn't seem to get his head round the idea that he'd hurt me so much that I wanted apologies. Instead he did the same old stuff again - he wanted what he wanted, when he wanted it, and at that point he wanted to be superior to me because he'd had his ego dented. Didn't seem to dawn on him that he was crossing the final line. Now he's been thrown out with the trash and he wants to come back. He keeps trying to act as if we're still friends and it's all cool, but I don't want him back. I think you're right - he really can't take it when someone just doesn't like him.

#9 Oct 17 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

Lisa87

Mandy

That is my exN too, can't stand that it if someone doesn't like him...needs to be adored by everyone and will do anything to achieve that status. He has lots of money and power so basically he gets his way, loves the control and all about what HE wants...yup!

#10 Oct 17 - 12PM

Sea

Ruby, my exN is a diagnosed

Ruby, my exN is a diagnosed NPD. He has no empathy true. He was after NS all the time but he didnt plan to destroy others. But he still destroy many due to his lack of empathy and single minded pursue of NS. He didnt set out to be cruel so to speak. But he's not safe to be with i know. Most narcs have other cluster B traits. Those narc with sadistic traits would be like what you described out to destroy. Those who have strong sadistic traits might enjoy destroying. Different varieties of narcs different strategies to deal with them but NC is still the winning tool regardless of narc types.

#11 Oct 17 - 12PM (Reply to #15)

Lisa87

I don't think mine was out to destroy either

He wants everyone to love and adore him and is after control more than destroy. Wonder how they define "destroy"? Does Sam V use the word destroy, but do the narcs look at it as destroying us? Destroy to me means tearing us down, making us doubt, question, etc. Just pondering these questions..my exN destroyed by heart, but then told me he would love me forever and would do anything in the world if I asked so I guess its mostly about supplying his ego. He was a smart, kind, gentle man to everyone around him...with no emphathy, very very sad.

#12 Oct 17 - 2PM (Reply to #20)

Used

lisa87

yes, i did,it ended with its very very sad....it never said anything about him being a sadustic bastard, perhaps there was a blip...

#13 Oct 17 - 12PM (Reply to #19)

Used

he also asked you to go with

he also asked you to go with other men for him and swinging parties,and you call THIS MAN KIND?

#14 Oct 17 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

ruby01 (not verified)

Lisa87

but then told me he would love me forever and would do anything in the world if I asked... And he did this?

#15 Oct 17 - 2PM (Reply to #17)

Lisa87

Used and Ruby you didn't read my whole post

You must have misread my post, I followed that sentence up with that he is a sick sadistic bastard to say those things to me, do nice things for me, and tear me down in bits and pieces. By no means was I saying anything nice about him, just that he wants everyone to look up to him like he is king so he can look himself in the mirror. He gets off on saying kind things and doing nice things...and yes he always followed through, never an empty promise........BUT in his sick sick way he would devalue me, and yes in the end by asking me to do swinging, etc. In his own mind, I believe his version of loving someone is what he does do, but its not love in my book, its all about control.

#16 Oct 17 - 2PM (Reply to #18)

Lisa87

Oops

Sorry, I had replied to another post at the same time and my sentence was that he was a sick sick man, I'm at work posting quickly and thought I was referencing this post too, my bad. Can't remember which post it was that I explained it more clearly but re-reading above it comes across as I am sticking up for him but that is not the case, just the image he portrayed was kind but the sickness lingered beneath.

#17 Oct 17 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

ruby01 (not verified)

Sea

Don't you think that once he devalues and discards people that he is aware that he is destroying their self esteem at that point in time. When he sees the grief or pain he has caused does he try to make amends or does he just carry on with full knowledge that he has caused someone mental anguish? Does he continue to until the other person no longer allows it?

#18 Oct 17 - 9PM (Reply to #14)

Redhead1

I think my exnarc believes he

I think my exnarc believes he is justified in doing the things he did (no moral compass). Narcs perceptions are way off base. They make a mountain out of a mole hill and trash you with it.

#19 Oct 17 - 2PM (Reply to #13)

StudentOfLife

I think they very much thrive

I think they very much thrive on any sort of power they have over us, especially the power to extract *supply*.... adoration, admiration and all-out "worship" if at all possible. Everybody is different, maybe some narcs are aware and others are not aware of their effects on us.... Either way, i believe their form of abuse is marked by the *lack of empathy*.... they just don't care. They do whatever they need to in order to get their own needs met, with no regards to anybody else, trompling over and destroying all in their path with not a first or second notion of how it effects others. Now.... add psychopathy and sadistic tendencies to the mix... and YES without a doubt you have an individual who truly gets off on destruction and infliction pain. Maybe some narcissist (NPDs) are psychopaths and some are not. Either way they destroy without a care in the world. Hakuna matata!

#20 Oct 17 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Tigerlily

Yes Ruby 01, he does exactly that

He goes into overkill. He flogs a dead horse. He doesn`t stop inflicting pain where a normal person would stop, because what stops a normal person from inflicting pain is empathy, and he hasn`t got any. Lack of empathy is extremely terrifying, and completely inhuman. It should not be underestimated. Lack of empathy is THE defining characteristic of a psychopath. It`s not, oh the poor things, they haven`t any empathy, that must be terrible. Lack of empathy turns human beings into machines, monsters or both. Lack of empathy caused the Holocaust, the Pol Pot regime, the brutal wiping out of countless noble and enlightened cultures, child abuse/pornography/murder and almost everything bad you could name in this cesspit of a culture we live in. No, I don`t think they are aware that they are destroying someone`s self-esteem or anything else for that matter. I don`t think they view others in any which way except as regards their usability. As long as we`re milkable, they milk us (and get us to work for them) the way an ant does a greenfly. When they no longer need or want to milk us and our usefulness to them is done, they just give us a spray with some lethal pesticide and move on to the next plant. I think it`s dangerous and mistaken to accredit them with anything remotely resembling human-kindness, to be honest. They are aliens. Sorry to be so negative, but that`s the way I see it.

#21 Oct 17 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

ruby01 (not verified)

Mine would have a smirk

on his face every time he scored a "hit". He seemed to be proud of the fact that he had brought one of his daughters to tears, and in his words, "She never cries." He does not try to hoover me in with kindness or apologies. He will try to maneuver a moment to where I will feel compelled to make some sort of move. It no longer works and I am useless in his eyes but he has great contempt for me not returning or begging and for this I truly believe he thinks I should "pay". I'm keeping my guard up.

#22 Oct 17 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

StudentOfLife

Well said, Tigerlily.

#23 Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

Lisa87

Very well said Tigerlily

Yup thats how they roll!

#24 Oct 17 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

Sea

For the disordered ones, its

For the disordered ones, its never about us. Its just them. They want NS so they just single mindedly pursue with zero considerations for others. Just like there's a flower that he like in the center of the park. The narc will step on all the other flowers, grass, animals to get to that flower he wants. He didnt actually plan to destroy all the rest but yes he still destroy.

#25 Oct 17 - 12PM

drcrnp

Yes, mine too. Has new woman

Yes, mine too. Has new woman now but after only 4 months I see they're both on Match.com again. I heard she threw him out a week ago and breaks up with him "every 3-5 days." They are both 64!!!! My impression was that she too is N. He is otherwise alone, no true friends. A few people at the Dog Park help him out because his dog is a sweetheart. All of his other "friends" long gone. He can't explain why his 1st & 2nd wives left him or the long-term Drug Addict girlfriend after that. His 2 children don't have anything to do with him except the son allows him to see the grandkids, supervised only, 1-2 times/year. Everyone in the RV park where he lives loathes him. Everyone in his old hometown loathes him. Everyone in the town where he grew up loathes him. I often found that people he described as "friends" were only his friends from his point of view-not theirs. He was so self-centered and rude that he alienated everyone in the world - would walk into the doctor's office without calling, expecting to be seen at once - same with dentist, veterinarian, anywhere. I saw him butt in line when a group of folks were being admitted to the hospital for non-urgent surgery. People rolled their eyes or vanished when he walked into their establishments. How could I have ignored this huge collection of bright red flags?????????

#26 Oct 17 - 11AM

onwithmylife

Ruby01

so true,mine is his late 60's with ED issues, lives alone in a tiny town, no one cares if he is dead or alive, moved away from his children and grandkids if you can believe that, very sad and pathetic..........

#27 Oct 17 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

ruby01 (not verified)

onwithmylife

Wonder how that's workin' out for him, ha ha

#28 Oct 17 - 11AM

Used

ruby01

yes, this is their AIM....to destroy as many people as possible, i got this from THE HORSE.S MOUTH...when exn said, i try to make everuone UNHAPPY B/C I AM UNHAPPY...i still stayed........yes they do try to DESTROY YOU.....they lose everyone tho in the end.....

#29 Oct 17 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

ruby01 (not verified)

Used

they lose everyone tho in the end... That they do :)

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