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NPD - Neurosciece

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#1 Dec 7 - 2PM
Hermes
Hermes's picture

NPD - Neurosciece

From an article by Sarah Ullman PhD

"For those that develop a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, chaos, which is by definition, an out-of-control condition, becomes the very thing to avoid, and the only way to avoid it is to shut down the entire system. And so, to the individual with NPD, deep emotions are the enemy, and the biggest enemy of all, is love. Love is a two-pronged problem. First, it means that if you are experiencing it, you are also experiencing powerlessness over it. To be in love is to be out of control. Second, the love-object is the equivalent of a god or goddess as the case may be, replete with the power and strength to crush you like an itty-bitty bug at but a moments notice. The object of one's love can not only crush you, but much worse than that - it can reject and eventually abandon you. Therein lies the rub - a paradox if ever there was one. To the disordered narcissistic personality, the very thing you were never given but desperately wanted more than anything else, is the one thing you are, quite simply put, neuropsychologically unequipped to handle.
"

"Treatment for what? For being well-defended? If that were all of it, the story would stop here.

Individuals with NPD are (more often than not unbeknown to themselves) angry, rageful (expressed or repressed), resentful, and fear exposure of being "found out". Criticism, rejection, and abandonement are their death knell - they are to be avoided at all costs"

Adults with NPD were at one time otherwise normal children with a heritable (genetic) predisposition that when exposed to one or more parents with NPD, their genetic predisposition in conjunction with their toxic environment, produced the very thing they were exposed to - narcissistic pathology. Being the child of a narcissistic parent is in and of itself a traumatic experience, and make no mistake, one that can and more often then not, does, change the neurology and biochemistry of those living under the same roof. This is one diagnosis whereby the sins of the parent really do visit upon the children.
"
From:

http://thesexaddictedbrain.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/05/traumatic-attac...

Dec 8 - 1PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Hermes

another great article you uncovered ,love them. i sent the narc a letter recently giving him my thoughts as to how something went wrong with this mother parenting of him, never sounding like I knew the answer, just my opinion and then went on to tell him what his brother said to me years ago about knowing who his brother,the narc,was real well and he went ballistic,never for one moment looking inside himself or even digesting what I had written, they are like cats, who when you have them cornered, start to hiss and raise their claws at you, that is my an analogy.................I am finally done and on to no contact, stubborn me.........
Dec 7 - 5PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"To be in love is to be out of control"

When I declared my love to the ex-Psych, I'd be publicly sobbing, and he'd say, with this cold, steely stare, "I am *CONTROLLING* my feelings." He took my feelings as an example of me being "out of control." I embodied what he feared. As for the rejection&abandonment? Yes, that happened. When I moved into town, I didn't give the ex-P ANY contact info. All he knew was that I "lived near downtown", but none of the specifics. I was the one who went MC/NC after meeting his girlfriend/future wife. I was the one who left New Mexico without telling him... or his colleagues, for that matter, because news travels fast&it's a small college. I embodied his unholy trinity of abandonment/criticism/rejection. That's why I've felt it's why I see his parents as my REAL replacement, not his girlfriend... and why I never felt any ill will towards her. He always longed to be with his parents. When he went to college, it was where his father was a prof. When he went to graduate school, he didn't live far from his parents. Now, New Mexico is a loooong way from Massachusetts. He'd talk about them, and I'd comfort him. He was happy when they visited over the summer. He always spoke fondly of his father, Nicholas... and in some strange twist of fate, my 2 year old nephew in Massachusetts, is very close to his father (my brother in-law) Nicholas. That's God's way of saying that when I dealt with the ex-P, I was dealing with a toddler stuck in a middle-aged man's body. "The biggest enemy of all is love"-No wonder the ex-P was so angry during the final D&D, precipitated by me telling him I loved him. I could sense his anger, but he'd deny it, saying "I'm not angry, I'm disappointed." I could feel his anger from a mile away. I saw it in his eyes. After I left his life, his parents lived with him on&off, then moved in for good. I was dealing with a toddler masquerading as an adult.
Dec 7 - 3PM
nancyh
nancyh's picture

Hermes, Thank you for your

Hermes, Thank you for your wonderful, educational posts. I always gain a nugget (or bucket full of nuggets) of information that help me on my road to recovery from the N. Articles like this may be why I never got to the anger stage that I see in so many posts on this forum. Part of me thinks that if N's are truly developmentally challenged and are stuck in the 4-6 year old developmental level then how can they be held accountable for their actions? I have a child in this age range and I shudder when I see the narsissistic behaviors she displays and take swift action so she doesn't get stuck at that developmental stage too (since my encounter with the N I seem to see N behavior in everyone). Don't get me wrong - I don't believe for a second that the N didn't realize he was lying to me and treating me like crap, but could he help himself from doing it to me and probably countless others if he suffers from this disorder? BUT at the end of the day, it's not my problem and how and why he became an N is no longer my concern. Nan

Nan

Dec 8 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
Winter
Winter's picture

Nan

I never got to the anger stage either. For me NC is most like security belt for me, not to hurt him, not to prove anything to anyone, not to win. It is very sad if they cannot help themselves indeed. They most likely act compulsively, maybe not in accordance with their values...Maybe... But it does not change anything. Just an example. If we know someone have a contagious letal decease, we obviously feel compassion, but we avoid physical contact with the person or undertake measures in order to not to be contaminated. Right? Here, those measures is NC or MC to the extend possible. Love Winter
Dec 8 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
walking_on_sunshine
walking_on_sunshine's picture

ACON

I wonder what specific factors actually contribute to the child of an NPD parent going on to develop NPD as well. I do think there is a greater possibility than not when the child has the genes, but there must be some specific triggers. In my case, I was actually raised by My N fathers parents for the first 7 years of my life. He lived on the road as a travelling musician/booking agent/"businessman". Point being, I never saw him much until I was about 7 or 8. They say that the injury occurs in infancy and early childhood, I suspect that my being somewhat nurtured up until that point gave me some pschological grounding and the benefit of basic attachment to a caregiver. I asked my best friend, if she thought I had narcissism like my father. She said no, I don't have the decietful or grandiose ways of a narcissist. That being said, I think narcissistc parents definatly create wounded children, but I don't think that the outcome is always a narcissistic child. I for one am not like my father but as mentioned maybe the factors mentioned are the reason.