Nothing ever goes right and I just want to be ME again!

Be gentle with yourself. This is such a tenuous time and it is going to be the equivalent of an emotional roller coaster for a while BUT it does subside. This is an opportunity though to start weaving in thinking about you. Part of the reason we are in this situation is because we didn't think of ourselves, or didn't think ENOUGH of ourselves to put ourselves first. That has to stop unless we want to experience this lesson again...and again..and again. Don't know about you, but I'm sure as hell not raising my hand again! I smiled when reading your post because I had the same problem with painting my hall...except I left the tops unpainted! So GOOD FOR YOU for following through! As for the painter, boundary setting time. This is where you get to practice some new skills and the universe is knocking at your door with opportunities that you're not recognizing yet. 1) Sleeping on the floor -- BYE BYE. Outta there. 2) Ask for gas? Sorry, CLICK. These people, as well as the N's have families, friends and OTHER VICTIMS. You are NO LONGER one of them. Setting boundaries is TOTALLY new for me. I actually freakin' sat on the floor at the local book store two weeks ago for two hours in the self help section reading books on boundaries -- can you believe it? I'm 45 years old!!!!!! But I started to piece it together. How can I be considered intelligent and lack so much common sense all because I wanted to be perceived as nice? Forget that! :) As for the guys, laughing again. One of the first dates I had after the N D&D'd me actually ripped me apart -- he said I needed to stop analyzing guys and start having fun. Problem was I wasn't willing to get drunk and hop in bed with him and I was so raw from the N's treatment I wasn't in usual "nice girl" mode replying with a no thank you. He got what he deserved, but I probably could've taken it down a notch or two. Net, dating's on hold for now. :))))

Janemarie, you are looking at the glass have empty with this situation. You MUST always try to look at the glass half full. And half full, would look like this........ Wow! I did a great job with painting the walls all by myself, I didn't need anyones help. But, when it came to the ceiling, I had to hire someone because it was an impossibility for to to do, let alone attempt. If I fell while doing it, I would have possibly injured myself and would have been worthless to my children, unable to care for them properly, ruin Christmas, etc etc.........and look at this, I am able to pay someone to do this for me. I am a lot better off than I thought I was. And I saved myself quite a bit of money doing most of the work myself, I rock! And Janemarie, as far as that painter is concerned...........think about it, you are a narc magnet right now, and he detected your target on your back. He moved right in on you didn't he? This is what happens and will continue to happen. That is why when recovering dating should not be considered at all. There are plenty like him out there, so remain armed and prepared during your journey. As far as catching him sleeping on the floor while he was suppose to be working, who recommended him to you? Don't ever use him again! And give hell to the person that told you to use him! LOL You are doing fine..........this is a long road. You will get there, be patient and give it time. Yes, you gave your ex the best of you and he discarded you like an old pair of shoes, but now you know what you are dealing with and when you do ever enter into a relationship again, he will be normal, not disordered. You will make sure of that!

Everyone has times in their life when they must be self sufficient. Even when you have a boyfriend you can't rely on them to deal with a problem that is actually yours. As for him ever finding everything he ever wanted. It's not possible. He is mentally disordered and has no clue what true happiness is and is incapable of ever being satisfied with or without you. " My world revolved around him" No no no. Never do that again with anyone, okay? Never lose yourself to anyone else. Always remember you are a treasure and that you are truly unique and wonderful and deserving of utmost respect. Don't put yourself down or sell yourself short. He is gone. Good riddance! He is the real trash that you let into your life, but he is gone. Time to lift your chin up and carry on.

Girlfriend I hear you!!! I'm so freaking stuck right now. Reading all these posts hearing everyone feeling thinking reacting the same. I am back in anger mode. I HATE HIM FOR WHAT HE DID AND TOOK FROM ME IM LOST. ..

Your not different! YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND YOURSELF AGAIN! Your in there, and you will come back! It takes so much out of us dealing with ass holes like these! Your not weak, you are strong and the reason you are strong is because you walked away and you stay away, that takes strength like no tomorrow! I took care of my ex's kids and like you was very good to him, they just don't know how to handle a good thing! You did everything right, they just can't deal with it so they run like a little spoiled shitty ass punk kid that throws a fit! I will be 5 months out on my birthday Friday! I am just getting my sense of humor back , it takes a while, you just have to find yourself again, and it does take time. You biting everyones head of I think is normal, I did it too,if someone looked at me funny I asked them what their f...ing problem was lol all part of getting it out I guess. You take care of YOU AND THOSE BABIES!!! my focus is all about myself and my kids, I did all I could for him and his kids, they didn't appreciate any of it! SO FUCK HIM! HIS LOSS!!