not sure if I belong

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#1 Jan 31 - 1AM
bobh3625's picture

not sure if I belong

I was with this beutiful girl for seven years and noticed something the day she moved in...My stuff was junk which she threw away and hers was prize even though my stuff was much better....Than through out the years i could never do nothing to please her I would do the dishes prefect she would redo.....Yes she was a complete perfectionist also....Always cutting me down and when i would stick up for meee I would get the silent treatment for 3 to 5 days......She was always number one and i felt like i was 10th or so on her list....I spent so many night crying to sleep....Than on 1-07 I come home and there is a moving van there wow i have not ate slept much and am a mess Than i see this forum and i said yes well maybe I am jsut stuck in the sad stage right now and want to get out the first week I called three times but for 16 days there has been NC Thank for reading Bob

Jan 31 - 9AM
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville Hunter

Welcome to Narcville Hunter
Jan 31 - 9AM
Gso88's picture

Hey Bob, I'm new here and I

Hey Bob, I'm new here and I may not have the experience and knowledge of some of these members but I can assure you that I relate to what you are feeling, I may not be in the best position to be giving advice but I can do my best and offer any support you may need! Dealing with a Narc and the aftermath of the relationship breakdown can be one of the most confusing things we as guys have to deal with, what works for one may not work for all but I recommend some silent introspection. Do some reading here, educate yourself, the wealth of knowledge available here is astounding. When you have a better understanding of what you are dealing with focus on your feelings and how it relates to what you've learned. When you understand what you are feeling and the root cause of those feelings you can begin to work on and neutralize the negative and intensify the positive. It is by no means an easy task, the ups and downs are the worst. It will happen, this will not resolve itself overnight. I'm still fresh out of one of these bad relationships myself, I am speaking from experience. Stick around, post and vent, ask questions and read. Being amongst these welcoming supportive people will work wonders. The most important step is the first step and you are definately looking down the right path. Hopefully I was able to give you something to think about at the least. I'm not the best with words and comfort but I think I shoot straight and don't pull any punches haha. Good luck bob and best wishes!
Jan 31 - 5AM
Sparrow's picture

Yes Bob, you belong here, she

Yes Bob, you belong here, she is a narc. welcome to the forum. I am so sorry that you are going through this. A moving van in front of your house? She wasn't even going to tell you? She has no conscience, and does not seem to have the ability to love. And she reminds me of the man in "Sleeping with the Enemy" where everything had to be "perfect". You were supply to her, nothing more and nothing less. I am sorry. Stay close to the forum, read Lisa's book and reach out as often as you need to. A support group is starting next week and you may find that to be beneficial as well. Good luck in your recovery. Again, I am so sorry that you had to endure such a relationship. We all know how you feel and are here for you.
Jan 31 - 4AM
stelpan62's picture

Good for you!!

Hi Bob, Allow yourself to grieve but don't fall in a heap over this woman. Yes, you do belong because she is a narcissist and will never, ever change. Her next relationship will be exactly the same. Even the way she treated your things as opposed to her own ~ on the DAY she moved in, told me all I needed to know. My situation is different to yours but I have been NC from my mother for the last 14 months and will not be caving in. They cause so much pain. Mother's ultimate favorite weapon was the silent treatment. Even as a child, I remember her walking straight past me and not even looking at or speaking to me for two weeks. For some minor transgression, which usually came in the form of a challenge. Our narcs do NOT appreciate logic, truth or being challenged. They are superior you see. Seven years is a long time and give yourself time to heal but please, stay away from her, put this down to experience and it won't happen to you again. A relationship is not supposed to hurt like that and you sound so terribly hurt. And please, don't allow yourself to become bitter. You have learnt a really valuable lesson and there are lots and lots of wonderful, kind and giving women out there... All the best to you. stelpan62