Not Going Back & Riding the Coaster

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#1 Jun 23 - 7AM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

Not Going Back & Riding the Coaster

Hi

Thank you all for your helpful comments to me yesterday. I had a bit of a melt down and I think I am riding the roller coaster of up and down emotions, certainty and self doubt and love and hate.

I found my clarity yesterday thankfully and sobered up for my fantasy world thoughts that somehow I could go back to him and we could have the same relationship we shared pre-coworker cheating incident.

But as much as I tried to find the info to support that idea, I just couldn't. Most of what I found only added to the list of Cons to going back and risking my heart again. It was just too painful and too risky to do.

So I snapped out it! the lovey idea that our love is strong enough to hold us - love isn't enough. I had some great advice from so many of you and hurt a members feelings unintentionally - I am not hear to fight with anyone and send you all my support, I am soo sorry if any of my words were interpreted otherwise. I love you guys and didn't mean for that to happen.

Staying Strong's post of "What if he isn't a narcissist?" was powerful to read yesterday. I was particularly helped by these words as I was struggling to 'find an answer' I realized I had already found my answer months ago -- and allowing him to get close to me is what brought on the imbalance and doubt.

The more NC the better I feel, no denying that. I have made the decision to keep NC and no more contemplating go back to him.

this part of her post helped me:

So, forget whatever “nice” things your ex has done. A bad person will fake “nice” in order to get what he wants…..a TRULEY nice person though, would never subject you to abuse and make you question your sanity (and I’m not referring to one or two isolated incidents during an argument where someone calls you a ‘meanie-weanie fart face’ or some other name.....I’m talking about consistent abuse: lying, withholding, manipulating, undermining, belittling emotional abuse, with or without physical force ). Those that resort to this behaviour are NOT SINCERELY NICE PEOPLE. Nice people don’t behave this way.

and

If someone is making you insane by making your mind try and reconcile two very different ideas concerning them....BELIEVE THE BAD

**

Thank you ALL for reaching out to me and reminding me that I can do this and why I need to do it.

I really appreciate all of you and I have found a new clarity in my choice and I felt so off but now I am more committed to having MY TIME away from him

I realize it hasn't even been 2 weeks time that I could be away from him without interference just for my self to think.

Thanks for sticking with me through a really hard day!

I will check in next week!

Jun 23 - 11AM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

thanks BB

I am going through a similar dance in my mind - I think i know too much and saw too much to be able to pretend its "love" again - although he acted like nothing happened and was all lovey when I saw him on June 5th or so.. So sad that I fell in love with a giant infant who still wants to be nursed only to get back out and play his game again...
Jun 23 - 8AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I'm happy for you! Keep up

I'm happy for you! Keep up the good work! You are awesome!
Jun 23 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

badabing

so pleased to hear you so more up beat . your meltdown has now harden and is history...have a chill time at your sisters..and always remember...UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALLXX
Jun 23 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Used

Right on!
Jun 23 - 8AM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Big hugs to you, Badabing!

Big hugs to you, Badabing! Good for you. You're doing great. You sound so strong today. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Jun 23 - 7AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Good decision sweetheart,

Good decision sweetheart, welcome back to the land of the living :) Xox
Jun 23 - 7AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Good decision sweetheart,

Good decision sweetheart, welcome back to the land of the living :) Xox
Jun 23 - 7AM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

Bada, you are doing so

Bada, you are doing so well...you give me strength