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Not Feeding into the Silent Treatment

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#1 May 23 - 5PM
Free2bMe4582
Free2bMe4582's picture

Not Feeding into the Silent Treatment

When my Narc gets mad he punishes me with NO CONTACT..but we live together and have a son! He won't speak to me or sleep in the same bed. This makes me miss him like crazy..and I usually break the silence by offering him sex or just becoming a pathetic doormat so I will get his attention again..although the attention i get is rudeness and digust from him although he's secretly satisfied..sometimes I feel any attention is good attention as long as we can have peace in the house. I just hate this roller coaster ride. I hate coming home to this kind of environment. Its hard for my son because I'm depressed and emotional unvailable and my Narc (his dad) is impatient with him.

This time around, I am ignoring him RIGHT BACK..and its pissing him off and I'm scared he'll try to hurt me by cheating or disappearing out of our lives forever. I'm trying to use this "quiet" time to figure things out and plan an exit but I'm so sensitive. He leaves without saying where he's going and he stays out extremely late on the weekends. I figure he must be in search of NS and that terrifies me (although I know I want him out of my life) it just makes me feel left behind. I try to think positive about a life without him but living with him and enduring his passive aggression and silence cuts my heart like a knife. I cant focus on work, my son, or my own well-being.

May 23 - 6PM
mynewlife2011
mynewlife2011's picture

silent treatment is abuse

Now, when we here go NC, it is not to get what we want..it is to take control of our lives and have no further contact. It is a powerful tool, and one that I have grown to appreciate. However, never did I go silent during the course of the relationship with my ExN (he wished i would- my God I tried everything to get him to see the pain he was causing all of us.) The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse in a relationship
May 23 - 6PM
sickandtiredofit
sickandtiredofit's picture

free at last

This post could have been mine at any point in the past few years. What I have learned is the silent treatment is not about you, or anything yo have done, it is about him. It is one of his tools to get what he wants - your complicity - not having to be accountable or explain his actions - and the added benefit of upsetting you into behaving in a way that suits his needs. You will not ask questions - you are too scared - that is what he wants. Your fear, not your love. He is using you. I left a few months ago, and like you, I was terrified of so many things, but ultimately I woke up and decided it was time for me to have my own life, not give mine up for him. he never loved me, he is not capable of loving anyone. It not been easy, but even my worst days free of him are better than my best days with him ever were. I had no focus, no joy, and I obessed about him constantly - mostly just how much I hated his control over me. Thank God almighty I am free at last.