"...not a bad person..."

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#1 Apr 10 - 10AM

Anonymous (not verified)

"...not a bad person..."

Can you believe he actually stated this to me in an email this morning? "Contrary to what seems to be the sentiment, I am not the bad guy. I have done bad things but am not a bad person.".............

Oh! That's right! In his eyes he's God! He can do all sorts of bad things but not be a bad person, not if he does it!

He came to the house yesterday to get some more of his things. He had on his good mask, and it upset me terribly. Today is a new day, and back to NC as best is possible. There is no doubt it is the only cure from these species. This guy is a charismatic psychopath, and obvious narcissist.

He can go around breaking up families, coveting what everyone else has, stealing wives from husbands , and children, then dumping them leaving them completely helpless, and he's not a bad guy? Wonder what Bible he reads?
I was floored by the way he could stare at me straight faced while I cry, and lie lie lie..with such finesse and perfection! Even when I told him not to insult my intelligence, he lied. Then I presented to him the obvious... I said" you know I'm surprised after all the legal threats you received from my ex, and all that we went through with our adultery, that you would turn around and do the same thing again?"...Then he said.." I have thought about that."...Stupid Butt! He had just denied it to me! They lie so much they can't even keep their own lies straight....

Read Timoty 2, Chapter 3. DO NOT GO NEAR THEM!

I would like your opinion. Is he a bad person?

#2 Apr 12 - 9AM

Kelly

Not an a$%^hole

Something my last exN/psycho told me. He was very proud that no one has ever called him an Ahole. Part of building up his good guy image for me. Funny, upon reflection, what he actually said was "No one has ever said ______ (narc's name,) you are and AHole." So, he wasn't actually saying he wasn't one, just never called one to his face. (yeah, he would refer to himself in third person a lot. . . . hmmmmmm) All of the things he told me about the reasons he ended his prev relationships pointed at him being an extreme Ahole, but I was too hypnotized at the time to allow myself to believe that. I wanted to believe the good guy image. It's really amazing how when they lie to you in the beginning, you fall for it, wanting so much to believe that he really isn't a bad guy, but somewhere underneath, you know it's B.S. You know it's too good to be true, but it's so romantic at the time. After you finally see him for what he is, there really is no going back, so when he does say he "isn't a bad guy," it's like Freddy Kruger saying he isn't a monster. Spell is broken...

#3 Apr 12 - 4PM (Reply to #41)

TexN (not verified)

Last time narc called...

He asked (crying), "Am i really that bad of a person?!" I said, "Yes, & I think it would be best for dd if you signed your rights over!" He's so mental...

#4 Apr 12 - 8AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

we make them bad !!!

i heard that about five million times......'i woouldn't behave this way if you didn't (fill in the blank)'..... uh huh...that piece of shit psychonarc was a psychopath when he was eight years old.... and i'm sure he was one when he was eight days old...he just didn't yet have the ability to lash out at anyone... and yet her persists...i've been going through some of his YEARS of whack job emails in an effort to get him committed..and it's quite clear...he's done NOTHING WRONG...and when cornered with proof of wrong doing...it becomes REACTIVE wrong doing..usually for someone else's GOOD...usually MINE.... i love the one in which he states he was hiding letters to the two of us from the IRS...FOR MY OWN GOOD!!..yes...to spare me STRESS...what a fucking saint......

#5 Apr 12 - 5AM

Scoop

Oh the hoops they go through

Oh the hoops they go through to try and justify their sorded little minds is amazing . My narc would say "its just me . its what im like, you know im not a bad person " well actualy narc face you are a bad person . This is his favorite one though "i acted the way i did because i never loved you , i tryed to love you but love shouldnt have to be that hard " this was trolled out when ever i confrounted him about his sick abuse .WANKER ! Scoop x

#6 May 2 - 10PM (Reply to #36)

happydaysahead

Wow

I always got the "the reason I am doing what I am doing is to punish you (me)" Huh ?? Punish me for what ?? Loving you too much ?? Doing everything I could do to make YOU happy ?? Well, shame on me !!

#7 May 2 - 11PM (Reply to #37)

Barbara (not verified)

punishment

punish you for being human - SINCE HE IS NOT ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#8 May 3 - 8PM (Reply to #38)

Susan32

Punished for Being Human

Narcs call it "inappropriate behavior." I know the feeling.

#9 May 2 - 10PM (Reply to #34)

broken23

wow

i cant believe ive heard the exact same phrases. im sorry you loved me more than i loved you...

#10 May 2 - 10PM (Reply to #35)

Janet

I wish you didn't love me so

I wish you didn't love me so much... and then after I had moved out....you know, I hated you. I thought of you as my mother or prison warden. Jerk. Peace. J

Peace. J

#11 Apr 11 - 7PM

txnurse

bad person

I so appreciate this site. I thought I was the only one who heard these exact words. You people are my life savers and give me perspective when he calls crying and wanting more access to his son. Thanks!

#12 Apr 11 - 2AM

wallaby (not verified)

No! No at all!

His soul is as pure and nice as the stench from a rotting anaconda. Which is what he is.

#13 Apr 10 - 9PM

grossot

dear gullablegull's N

Of course you are not a bad person. You are intellegent. You are handsome. You are outstanding. You are God. You are magnificant. You are wonderful. You do fabulous things. Everyone loves you! This is an example of what you should say to him. Why? Because that's what he hears anyway. Any words to him are supply. Speaking of good guys, my exNH used to say, "What are you going to do? Tell people I DON'T hit you?" Yes N. That's what I tell people. I tell them you hit me a lot in a more psychotic way than with a fist. The wounds go deeper. Oh yeah, also N is so good in fact that he had an affair and ruined our 7 year marriage so that I could "save face" and he would "be the bad guy". Wasn't that nice of the little narcy? http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#14 Apr 10 - 7PM

Monica

He is actually right. He is NOT a "bad person"

Because 1.) he is EVIL, not merely "bad" and 2.) he is not a PERSON. You have to be human to be a "person" and they are not human. You have to have a soul to be a person. They have no soul. So, technically, he is not a "bad person." He is an "evil, non-human creature."

#15 Apr 10 - 3PM

quietude (not verified)

gullablegull

Oh YES, sure we can believe it. Here's just some examples of a direct quotes from an e-mails mine sent touting the same thing: "I'm not a bad man....I'm not a criminal, I'm not evil, don't do drugs, don't drink, I'm not violent, I'm not cold, I'm not mean or malicious..." And another ~ "I'm not a horrible person"..."never abusive".... Then it goes on to guilt trip me about all the things he's forgiven me for, all that he'd done for me...HUH??? Alrighty then. It's amazing to see such total Bulls*** in black and white, right there in front of you...which is just more evidence of their total delusional thinking.

#16 Apr 10 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

narcsurvivor

Yep, my ex used to say the

Yep, my ex used to say the same exact things! Once again, is there a manual out there somewhere that we don't know about where they all learn this from? They ALL say the same things, word for word! http://goodbyenarcissism.wordpress.com

#17 Apr 10 - 9PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

there are manuals...

you mean these: http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/ http://www.seduction.com/blog/ http://www.seductionbook.com/ there's 100s more. This was Psycho-Boy's favorite: http://www.secretsofsexualaddiction.com/ ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals

#18 Apr 10 - 11PM (Reply to #8)

narcsurvivor

Seduction Book is scary -

Seduction Book is scary - the first few headlines that pop up are, "Choose the right victim", "Send mixed signals," Confuse desire and reality," "Mix pleasure with pain." Holy crap! Now I see the direct link between them and us. I had no idea. http://goodbyenarcissism.wordpress.com

#19 Apr 12 - 6AM (Reply to #28)

quietude (not verified)

books

Last time I was in Barnes & Nobel, couldn't find ONE book on N's, P's, S's...there were some on BPD, OCD, bipolar, and one for survivors of childhood abuse. -But- wouldn't ya know it, plenty of crap on seduction. As a matter of fact, "The Art of Seduction" was placed faced-out, along with whatever other crap book that author wrote, eye level and easy to find. I actually mentioned it to an employee, but from her reaction, didn't seem to be that concerned. I knew it wouldn't make a difference, but at least I said something.

#20 Apr 12 - 1AM (Reply to #15)

Nothanx

Seduction Book

I bought and read that whole book in an effort to understand what happened to me. I thought it was fascinating, and I could definitely see that my narc used many of the techniques that the book describes. It must just come natural to them because it would be way too hard to remember all the strategies and apply them. I am not sure it is something that I could learn to do even if I studied the book.

#21 Apr 12 - 7AM (Reply to #16)

woundedsoul36

I own the book. I remember

I own the book. I remember reading about "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene in Cosmopolitan...there was a controversy about it and people were trying to get it banned because it used techniques that cult leaders used to brainwash victims. I bought it and read it, I absorbed it superficially, never really taking it seriously...little would I know 3 years later someone would use these very techniques on me and it would work.

#22 Apr 12 - 2PM (Reply to #26)

woundedsoul36

The Seducer's Victims

excerpt from "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene the seducer's victims- eighteen types "the people around you are all potential victims of a seduction, but first you must know what type of victim you are dealing with. Victims are categorized by what they feel they are missing in life-adventure, attention,romance,a naughty experience, mental or physical stimulation,etc. Once you identify their type, you have the necessary ingredients for a seduction: you will be the one to give them what they lack and cannot get on their own. In studying potential victims, learn to see the reality behind the appearance. A timid person may yearn to be the star; a prude may long for a transgressive thrill. Never try to seduce your own type. the siren- people of this type were once happy go lucky seducers themselves but they grew up and the beauty faded the disappointed dreamer- this type makes excellent victims the pampered royal-these were spoiled children. to seduce this type, be ready to provide a lot of distraction, new places to visit, novel experiences, color, spectacle.. the new prude-the new prude is secretly oppressed by their correctness and long to transgress the crushed star the novice the conquerer the exotic fetishist the drama queen the professor the beauty the aging baby the rescuer the roue the idol worshiper the sensualist the lonely leader the floating gender it then proceeds to tell you how to pinpoint which type of victim you have to put into one of the above categories and begins to tell you how to seduce and hook them. I cant believe I had this book and only took it with a grain of salt when I read it, I barely even remembered i had it. Now going back and rereading it, it is damn near mezmerizing to see how each tactic was used on me. I wonder which category N put me in..oh, well it worked none the less..

#23 Apr 12 - 5PM (Reply to #27)

Barbara (not verified)

victims

I fit into a few of those - but remember - this is a SEDUCER looking at us & categorizing us as PREY, not as we REALLY ARE ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals

#24 Apr 12 - 7AM (Reply to #17)

MsVulcan500

That just goes to show you

That just goes to show you how good these guys are at what they do! You red the book, knew about the techniques they use, and he still got to you. Of course though, the N/P's didn't have to learn it in a book. It is just second nature to them.

#25 Apr 12 - 8AM (Reply to #18)

woundedsoul36

Quote from the book in the

Quote from the book in the "Disenchantment" chapter: "Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. Beware of the long, drawn out good by; insecure, the victim will cling and claw, and both sides will suffer. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If necessary, deliberately break the spell you have created. If you are to stay in the relationship, beware of flagging of energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. If the game is to go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenderhooks."

#26 Apr 12 - 9AM (Reply to #25)

Scoop

Oh my good god i cant

Oh my good god i cant believe a book like this was writen . Im sure my narc never read stuff on this , His mind controle was all natural and born out of an accute need for suply . i cut him off at the sorce though and i can almost hear him deflating . He even said it once after break up number 3 or was it 4 who knows, i said that when im not with you my confidence goes right up and he said "thats funny my confidence goes right down when im not with you ... i steal your confidence ! " thats right narc face you did steal my confidence and i bloody well want it back . Starve the bleeding Vampire ! Scoop x

#27 Apr 12 - 9AM (Reply to #24)

Nothanx

Wierd!

I remember reading that part! I thought at the time it seemed so cruel and without emotion. I understand trying to seduce because you are attracted to someone and you want to make them attracted to you also, but to seduce someone knowing you will intentionally break their heart is not only mean, IT"S WEIRD! It just seems to go against nature to not want love in your life.

#28 Apr 12 - 8AM (Reply to #19)

Barbara (not verified)

I hate them

MORE LIKE: just disappear - no closure, ever and if confronted BLAME THEM keep them on tenderhooks so their brain chemistry misfires and the cognitive dissonance sets in - then you can call them a scorned stalker who's still in love with you to people who ask... ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals

#29 Apr 12 - 9AM (Reply to #21)

woundedsoul36

exactly Barbara..reminds me

exactly Barbara..reminds me of the N's withdrawal. "keeping your targets emotional will both weaken them and heighten the drama of the moment. And the best way to keep them at an emotional pitch is by infecting them with emotions of your own. People are very susceptible to the moods of those around them; this is particularly acute at the latter stages of seduction, when resistance is low and the target has fallen under your spell. At this point of the bold move, learn to infect your target with whatever emotional mood you require. You want access to the targets subconcious, which is best obtained by infecting them with emotions, bypassing their conscious ability to resist."

#30 Apr 12 - 9AM (Reply to #22)

Barbara (not verified)

it's them

You want access to the targets subconcious, which is best obtained by infecting them with emotions, bypassing their conscious ability to resist this should be read over & over & over... daily... THIS IS WHY YOU AREN'T GETTING OVER IT QUICKLY - THEY did it to you!! THERE is NOTHING wrong with YOU! ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals

#31 Apr 12 - 10AM (Reply to #23)

narcsurvivor

unbelievable, just

unbelievable, just mind-numbing (pun intended). http://goodbyenarcissism.wordpress.com

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