Is this normal? My ex is still friends w/all his exes, they each play a role in his life.

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#1 Oct 21 - 8PM
narcsurvivor
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Is this normal? My ex is still friends w/all his exes, they each play a role in his life.

Is it normal for a guy to keep all his exes in his life one way or the other, whether for professional or personal (aka friends w/benefits) reasons?

My ex narc is trying to promote a book he wrote and has used all his exes names (including mine) as character names; one ex even agreed to let him use her pic as the character's image. Another ex whom he really had issues w/in the end (she was abused by her baby daddy as well as by her family) became a hated character in his book.

Another girl who he is currently leeching off of even though she is broke (I can't figure it out) is using her job to help launch a side business of which he is a partner (his idea, no doubt), which is a total conflict of interest on her end.

He plans to break up w/her soon no doubt because she is struggling financially and the whole reason he got w/her was cuz she was lonely and willing to pay for his companionship.

He claims my role is to be his friend but what he really wants is to see me on the side.

Oct 23 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Heis in contact for

Heis in contact for supply.. also read up on triangulation .. Hunter
Oct 23 - 10AM
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

His excuse for remaining

His excuse for remaining friends or striking up a new old friendship is: I feel bad for what I did to them and how I treated them so I want to make it up to them now. Yeah so sleeping with them is the best way to become and stay friends. I think these so called "friendships" are embellished and I'm sure the definition of friendship for his exes differs from the narcs definition. It's absolutely warped!!!
Oct 23 - 11AM (Reply to #18)
Used
Used's picture

Blythebloo

he is lying....exn said to me about the women who go back to him are SILLY SLUTS....he said he doesnt regret a thing he done to them and would do it all again if need be.....DON'T LISTEN TO HIM PLEASE..he is saying this so if you think oh, he can't be all bad ...he is!!!!!!cos if he was still being bad to them all...then he didnt change a thing in his behaviour did he?
Oct 23 - 12PM (Reply to #19)
Blythebloo
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I know he is. That there is

I know he is. That there is one of the most ridiculous statement he has ever made. Mind you this statement was said right after as he was recalling one of his exes and how he broke up with her because she was depressed all the time. Hmmm I wonder why she was depressed??? But boom, fast forward 10 years later and they are jumping in the sack together. I'm sure that made him feel like a million bucks to have made it again with a girl he discarded years ago. His excuse was, oh it was just sex, she just wanted sex and her husband was beating her. Funny how she went from one abusive relationship to another and then back again. Makes total sense now that i have educated myself on the motives of narcs.
Oct 23 - 10AM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Is this normal?

Only in the life of a Narc. Most people hope to split on good terms and realize that things just weren't right. All of my ex's stay just that. Things are resolved with them and there is no ill will, but there is also no reason to stay in touch, as they are a part of my past, not my future. I think it is very common for N/PDs to never delete possible NS from there lives. I saw mine wait 4 years for the perfect revenge on someone.
Oct 23 - 8AM
narcsurvivor
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Also, my ex still has the

Also, my ex still has the same cell phone# from 10+ years! No wonder he never changes it, so supply can always reach him! Oh, and the excuse he once gave me for this is because of his side job, so customers can always reach him. Damn, even as I write this, I half believe him.
Oct 22 - 8PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

the only thing my exN ever revealed about his past was

that none of his exGFs will ever speak to him again And I did not sense danger after that warning!
Oct 22 - 7PM
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

My ex narc claims to be

My ex narc claims to be friends with all his exes. He slept with 2 of them while we were together. The other ones he is facebook friends with. I did come across one of his exes whom he has never "bragged" much about that I went to high school with, so I knew her before I knew him. Well they dated 15 some years ago. I contacted her about him. He in fact had attempted to contact her a few years back. She shared with me the same hell she went through with him that i have been going through. The only difference between her and all his other exes? She went NC. It's funny how my ex narc has told me how he must be a decent guy if all his exes want him back. What a joke he is!!! These women are clueless if they keep giving him supply. Or are they still stuck on him in a sense that 10 years later they can just jump in the sack with him like he did nothing to them? Im sure he mistreated them as well and maybe they are looking for that same piece of self esteem he took from them. He will never give it back!!! Wish I could clue them in. I just know I won't be that kind of ex to him. Makes me want to barf to enable him like that any longer.
Oct 22 - 5PM
a65703
a65703's picture

Ew.. yes

I think it is normal behavior for a Narcissist to be "friends" or remain "in contact" with their Exes, if somehow they have control over their Exes lives and know in just one phone call, they could get their Ex back. My Ex N would pride himself on the fact that his longterm Ex girlfriend still "thought" about him and I knew for a fact, that they still talked to each other even though I was his girlfriend at the time and this made me feel uncomfortable! Why do you need to keep in touch with your Ex, make inappropriate comments on her facebook, etc? OBVIOUSLY now I know, its just for supply!!!! I also wondered why, if he still loved her and they kept in touched, and he missed her, why didn't they just get back together???!! I knew, it wasn't because of me. I doubt he wants to get back together with her, he just wants to know in a drop of hat, she could be hers, he doesn't want her to move on and find someone BETTER. THE NARCISSIST KEEPS IN CONTACT WITH THEIR EXES AS A FORM OF CONTROL, FOR SUPPLY, AND TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T MOVE ON.
Oct 23 - 12AM (Reply to #12)
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

Ughhh yup

still friends with all of them, didn't know he was narc at the time but i would always wonder why he wouldn't just go back with them too. just to keep them around for supply and they let him use them apparently. I wish i could have talked to a few of them but never had the guts. i could have reached his exW and also former GF before me...but not worth my time. It is all about control i see now.....he still wants to keep me under his spell, but I broke free!! woohoo!!
Oct 22 - 3PM
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

They're not friends...and

They're not friends...and neither are you...you are all supply...look at how he's publicly parading his trophies in a book, using all of you to make himself look all the more impressive. I'd sue the m/f if you didn't sign a consent for your likeness to be used in such a manner.
Oct 22 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
narcsurvivor
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I got really angry w/him when

I got really angry w/him when he used the exact spelling of my first name as one of his characters who is actually based on a female political figure. So it's not so much the character but my name that I am mad about. But he said that I don't own my name, so there's nothing I can do about it. I just got so disgusted when I saw that he had used all his exes names in his book, especially mine.
Oct 22 - 2PM
Praying
Praying's picture

That is one of

things that made me think it was just me!! He was friendly with all his ex's. It made me think wow if he was a bad guy they wouldn't be his friend. I still struggle the most with this! They get the fun all the time guy now, with probably benefits. The confusion.
Oct 22 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

praying

what you call sex, benifits?...being USED is what you call it...my narc has lived with women since he was 19....loads and loads....only one speaks to him, well after 8years and thats cos they have a kid together i suppose.....the other exs [since i have known him] OMG, I DON'T KNOW NOW COS I HAVE BEEN AWAY FROM HIM SO LONG....i did notice tho that when we were still together he would talk to women exs?...but i could tell by their body langauge they wanted to be gone....UNLESS IT WAS THE SIGHT OF ME WITH HIM....LOOKING MENACING...LOL.. you are missing nothing...when exn used to disappear, i was convinced he was with women...i wanted him so why wouldnt they....he turned out TO BE ON DRUNKEN BENDERS AND RECOVERIES!!!!!!!.yes the were women all on the drink like him.....then when he was sober,he came back....yuk i realy think we give them power, we think they are so IT FOR US...that every other women must think they are IT....not so at all.
Oct 22 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

narcsurvivor

as he is useing them and they all have role to play, and they are content to play that role...he wants you as a friend and see you on the side, are you prepared to let him use you like this,?.....don't be one of his many of his *enablers*, you are to good for this...let him find another *friend to fill your role, i have no doubt he has anyway.......going NC is the only way to get yourself back and away from him.....who the hell does he think he is?, allacating these ROLES, to women and they accept it....i would have once, until i came here.... I WOULDNT BE ONE OF MANY, I WOULD RATHER BE ONE OF THE FEW WHO SAID NO.....
Oct 22 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
narcsurvivor
narcsurvivor's picture

I'm afraid that I have a hard

I'm afraid that I have a hard time going NC on him because of pure loneliness. I don't wish to play that role at all, though I have seen him once or twice.
Oct 22 - 6AM
KeshaN
KeshaN's picture

No....RUN he is a Narcissist.

No....RUN he is a Narcissist. This is what they do. Use people all day and all night. These are his ex's and I want to ask what is he doing for this gals to be helping him so much? My guy did the same thing and to come to find out he was also sleeping with some of them. I would not be comfortable with this but maybe its just me Im freaking out for ya #Just speaking from experience#
Oct 22 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
narcsurvivor
narcsurvivor's picture

He claimed to have helped all

He claimed to have helped all his exes in one way or another, mostly by letting them stay at his place (although, he made them pay their share of the bills as well as take him on vacation). He claims he is also a nice guy! Completely delusional!!
Oct 21 - 11PM
Sea
Sea's picture

Stay away from him. My ex

Stay away from him. My ex narc is like that all the exes are still revolving in his life and he jumps around among them and the new sources. Ever increasing his stable of women. No point being "one of them".
Oct 21 - 11PM
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

More Cakeater Behavior

It's almost like notches on his belt/bedpost. How many exes can he collect? He is seeing people as objects to play roles in his story. Stay away!