NoMoreFreakBoy's Story

I Cannot Believe He Did it Again

I am stunned still by what my narc said to me...He pulled me into his decietful web again...Here is my story...four months before I met my narc my marriage was in trouble. My husband of 16 years told me he was stressed and down because he got injured on the job and could not do the job he loved. He needed space. To keep normalcy for our kids, he was at the house early and stayed late to help and be with the boys. He went to his parents to sleep. I know there was not another woman, actually, it would have been easier for me to process if there was. We did not tell any of our friends or family, only my Inlaws knew. So when I met my narc, He thought I was happily married.
I met My narc at work. He was a new supervisor in another department. He was a nice guy, very helpful, charming, polite, professional, he dressed in tie (he did not have to). We became friendly and chit chatted. He even gave me some business cards for my husband to call for a job. All was platonic, just coworkers. One time we were joking around and I said "my husband does everything too fast", and it had the connotation that I meant he couldn't perform long enough during sex to satisfy me, which was not true, and was a joke. I will never forget the look on my narcs face for a split second he was saying to himself. "ohhhh, so maybe there is is trouble in paradise.". From that point on he pursued me, he flirted with everyone, but I only noticed him flirting with me. This had never happened to me. He made me feel pretty, sexy, desired, smart, funny...and that was before anything happened. What a charmer. He would see me in the hall and say with arms outstretched, "hey, sexy mami you look so good" (he is Puerto Rican and mami is a term of endearment). He would hug me and nuzzle my neck and say "give me some loving". Don't forget he did not know I was separated. He thought I was married. Everyone thought I was married at work. I loved him touching me, just standing next to me, he was very sexy to me. When we finally kissed, I resisted. He pushed me to do more. I said it was wrong, I was married. He said "it ok my sexy mami, I really like you a lot". So I really kissed him the way he wanted. I asked him to stop. Few minutes later he calls my office and tells me to take his number, I said "not a good idea" and I remember feeling thru the phone how pissed he was, it scared me and I liked him. So we exchanged numbers and from that point on we texted constantly. He said all the things a narc would say to pull me in...: he liked me. He loved me.he never felt this way before. It's ok you are married, I will wait, I have been divorced and alone for a long time and I used to being alone and there is no one else. No one else has been to my place. I may flirt with the other girls at work but I always go home alone, they have nothing on you. Who her?she is white trash. Who her?we just talk, I think she is a lesbian and belongs in a biker bar. I want to marry you and have a lot of kids and we could make love all day...". We were together a few months, but I fell so hard and fast for him. I thought he was perfect.
Then he started making excuses why he couldnt see me. He was with his daughter. He was doing laundry. He was getting car inspected. He was at the gym. He was at the pool with his cousins in NJ. I pushed and pushed, got pissed at him and started to say I was crazy, I was paranoid, etc.
One day I found out the girl at work he said was white trailer trash and disgusting, well they were texting each other. And just the day before I asked him if he was texting or with anyone else at work because rumors were flying. He denied it to my face. (we kept our affair a secret, as dont forget, he and everyone thought I was married). This girl told me he was very flirtatious with her, tried to kiss her I elevator, they would make out at McDonald's parking lot across the street...she loved the fact I was upset and jealous. When I asked her about what was going on between them she was shocked that he and I were together. Now it was out, the married woman (me) was having an affair. I confronted him immediately. He said it was all her texting him. I told him what she told me. So he went and told her some things I said about her, things that were not nice, and she was
Pissed.. So it took the heat off of him. Rumors spread like wild fire. I panicked. I didn't want him to get me in trouble at work. When I confronted him he was soo nasty to me, said I wasn't not his girlfriend, said I was pathetic, he laughed in my face, had no regard for me. Oh, wait, I forgot to mention that this affair was a few months long, and in that time I ended up pregnant because he brainwashed me that he was clean and I was the love of his life so I stopped using condoms, I ended up having a miscarriage and he did not even console me, actually most of our relationship was texting and I had to text him what happened as when I called his cell and he answered he was always curt with me, now I know he was not alone when I called, so I suffered in silence over my miscarriage(don't forget, even my close friends did not know of him). And another thing ! When I found out he was pursuing that other girl at work, and people were talking about us, I found out that he was sleeping with the girl he told me he thought was dirty and should be in a biker bar. I told my boss about the affair as I didn't want her to hear it from others. She was pissed. He told her later on that I would not leave him alone (big lie) and she called me back into her office and told me to stop, to leave him alone, he just wants it to all go away...so he had our boss break up with me for him.I was devastated Nd embarrassed to no end. I had to sit at meetings every day while he and his girlfriend made lovey dovey eyes at each other, they blatantly flirted in front of me. They both loved it I was jealous. And the other girl he slept with, well her mom and her and countless others who work with me stopped speaking to me. I was almost ruined professionally. People were shocked that someone like me (Martha Stewart, conservative type) would be with him (flirty, scheming, lying, dirty minded). And of course, my narc banished me, ostracized me. That was the most painful. For over a year (this started last March) I have been hurting over him. The pain was unbearable, and I had to see him and his girlfriends at work. He left he job few months after that. But I was still reeling every day. He was my first and last thought every day. I was consumed by him. I wrote him letters professing my love for him, how he hurt me and how insensitive he was about the miscarriage. He told his GF that he just wanted me to go away.
So Christmas of last 2011 was hArd for me because I knew he was dating the girl at work and she would talk loud enough so I could hear her talk about Him . Very mean girl. The week of Christams I get a call on my cell from a girl claiming to be his fiancé of 3 years....she was very sweet, we talked a lot and it was helpful to us both. Can u believe that he (divorced twice) met her in 2009 they had been together since AND she found out he was married to another in 2010! She found my number in his bedside drawer with his papers of his marriage and countless other girls he was with at the same time. She told me he was trying to make it with her mother! Now that scared me. And she found prescription for medication he was on for some sexually transmitted stuff he caught from someone and he was on all these porn sites looking for bizarre sex stuff. She found numerous bottles of perfume wrapped and ready to go for all his girlfriends for Christmas. She ended up confronting him in person, showed up at his place, he pushed her, she called cops, then she called me to ask if I was in his place as he had someone in the bedroom. That freaked me out, as I told her I hadn't seen him in months, and this kind of stuff like restraint orders, Nd calling the cops was so far from anything I ever experienced. I blocked her number. But it hurt all over again. All the pain came back, and now I knew that all the times he said he was in NJ he was with her, and I knew all of his sick lies. She told me that he probably got me pregnant on purpose, as he tried that with her too. I flipped out and started texting him like a mad woman. I was floored that he could be so cold and insensitive. He told me to f off. Don't waste his time...I hurt from then on...
Fast forward to valentines day. I get an email from him. I hadn't heard from him in months. I reached out to him. He said he wanted to see me. Just at that time my 12yer old opens up to me that he can not handle his dad and I being separated. My husband, who is a great man, moves back in....I brought my two boys into this world and they deserve to have the same great childhood that I did. I told my narc I wasn't free. He was pissed but still wanted me. I was ready to have another affair with him. But every time we would agree to meet, there came the excuses, the same ones he used before. I told him off, he told me off and said I was crazy...we made up bi email (he would not give me his cell number we only emailed, of course I knew he was messing with me but I wanted him sooooo badly I would have done anything). We continued to email, his became less, he stopped calling me baby, love. He told me he wanted anything from me, even if it was just emailing about my day (we both knew it wasn't a good idea right now to see each other, as he didn't want to get hurt but I kept pushing the issue because wanted him). Well I find out today, mothers day, he sends me a nice email wishing me a happy mothers day and kissessss. And his next email says that the emails I send him he erases, so don't waste your (my) time. I was sooooo hurt. But I emailed him back saying he just loves to hurt me, that he should google NPD as his name would come up, that everything he does ends up the same way as he is common denominator, that he just slammed the door again on someone who cared a lot for him,that I laugh at myself for caring for someone like him, that he will never know anyone who cared for him or went thru BS just to connect with him, and that I hope he feels better with his heart and liver issues, and that if he needs me I am there (I finally blocked his email) and kissessss baby for the last time. Today was easy, I had company and I was busy. Tomorrow I have to go to work, the place where I met him and see the faces of those he had been with and pass his old office...and try to keep my head up high...thank you all for listening to my story...thismsite is great...has helped me so much. I am sorry this story is so long. I will be on this site daily. I pray for all of you who have been hurt by narc. Any advice on how to not think of him? I can't stop thinking that I will never see or hear from him again, which I can't believe I saying after his devaluing me today. What is wrong with me?