no sex drive and feeling dead inside

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Anonymous (not verified)
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no sex drive and feeling dead inside

in the past week I have learned so much from just reading different reactions, stages, symptoms of the aftermath. I am very relieved that it now makes sense to me the mental and physical symptoms I am having, at least now I am aware of what is happening to me and why I feel the way I do. For so long I thought I was an idiot for not putting this behind me, well its just not that easy. I noticed one strong aftermath effect much of us suffer from having absolutely no desire sexually, its like this killed our sexuality and we feel dead inside. I look back and think little did I know what being with this person would cost me, its not enough that we had to accept what he was and end the relationship but we are left with so much more crap to deal with than just a normal break up, it just stays with us for so long we have to get healthy again because we were so brainwashed. Instead of moving forward we have to go back and try to find what we once were does that make sense? Invasion of the body snatchers I read once, that is so true

devoured_soul (not verified)
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I have noticed that. I have
I have noticed that. I have no desire for sexual anything. Dead inside. I went out last night with a girlfriend and we met up with some great guys and everyone was having a great time and i felt like a zombie. Thinking about him. Craving his touch, his smell. THIS SUCKS. All these amazing men and I'm just dead...DEAD.
cynthia (not verified)
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I hear ya sister
seems like nothing will ever be like what it was with him, you wont find that because well hate to say it they were not normal, I am 50 and NOTHING in my life ever compared to what it was with him, and yet we know they are wrong and dangerous but we crave them its a hard thing to forget because they really never wanted us and in a way we have no choice but to sever it for our own survival, dont try comparing him to others you meet because you cant, unless they are like him and we both know they were very very very bad like I said we have to go backwards almost and undo everything the damage and why we are where we are today, suffering and left with so much to deal with. Nobody will be as exciting, or charming but in the back of your mind never forget it was all an act and they really are so sick the way they lead their lives. I wish to God I never ever met him NO ITS NOT BEtter to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, NOT IN OUR CASE wish I could erase it all. I learned alot about myself thru the ordeal but was it worth it in the end, I think not, at least I dont feel that way now. We will come back to life again and it wont take a psychopath to do it, we must do it ourselves -
Barbara (not verified)
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Healing Sexually
by Sandra Brown, MA We have been talking about healing from pathological relationships and what is involved in that. It requires that you face the damage that has been done and recognize any stress disorders or PTSD that you might have now from the relationship. Then it requires that you change your life in order to heal -- change your environment physically and learn how to develop a life style that helps you heal emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and sexually. Today, we're going to talk about the sexual effects of pathological and dangerous relationships. The last few weeks we have talked about the spiritual effects of a pathological relationship. Ironically, the sexual effects are also often spiritual effects. That's because a lot of the spiritual effects have to do with attaching and bonding on many levels -- including spiritually. In a spiritual sense, we have been designed to bond during sexual experiences. Especially women. (WARNING --THIS IS GONNA GET GRAPHIC!!) ...recent hormonal and sexual studies have indicated that orgasms achieved during sex release the same brain chemicals that are released during BONDING with your baby! This phenomenal aspect gives great insight into WHY it's so hard to leave a relationship or to stop obsessing even if it IS dangerous and you know he's pathological! Many of the dangerous man types are hyper-sexual -- so there is A LOT of sex. A lot of sex = A lot of opportunities for sexual bonding through orgasm/ hormonal stimulation = brain chemistry changes that don't just GO AWAY. Women are, by nature, NOT abandoners. Those they 'attach' to or 'bond' to -- they stay with. So the more bonded you feel to him, the less likely you are to leave. The more sexually attached (which often feels like spiritually attached) you are, the more confusing it is to detach and stay detached. Additionally, many pathologicals who are hypersexual bring to the relationship a lot of deviancy. For the first time in your life, you may have been exposed to sexual behaviors or aspects that you have never experienced. Since pathologicals are great at manipulation, guilt, and rewarding your loyalty, you may have been coerced into sexual behaviors that violated your own morality or normal sexual boundaries. Perhaps pornography, sexual acts you were uncomfortable with, group sexual experiences, relationship rape, types of physical variations or other sexual violations. Additionally, most pathologicals in their hypersexuality are NOT monogamous so maybe you have acquired an STD from him. Not only that - pathologicals can carry germs on their skin or in their mouths from the various encounters. These deep soul wounds harm more than just your emotions -- it harms you spiritually and infiltrates your sexual identity. Women often feel so 'perverted' in what they have experienced they feel like they have to stay with him because no 'normal' or 'healthy' man would want her after what she has 'done' in the sexual relationship with him. In some relationships, true sexual addiction may have occurred. You may feel like you are addicted to him, the sex with him, or sex with anyone. What you have experienced IS sexual abuse within the relationship. However, pathologicals have the 'wonderful' way of making you feel like a willing participant or that it's YOUR deviancy he is responding to sexually. Remember -- they twist and pervert every aspect of truth. The sexual side effects of the relationship can contribute to your overall stress or anxiety disorder or PTSD. It is an aspect that should be treated in order to reclaim your sexual identity. Untreated, your skewed sexual identity can cause you to continue to sexually act out, continue to cooperate in his sexual deviancy, use drugs (both over the counter and illegal) and/or alcohol (wine, beer, etc) to numb out your painful feelings, cause INCREASED PTSD symptoms/ anxiety/ depression, feeling numb or dead inside or leave you despondent to stay in pathological relationships out of a sense of feeling 'dirty' or 'unworthy' of healthier relationships. It can also impact your spirituality -- driving you away from the solace and help you find in your own connection to God. From this standpoint, the ONLY way to live a gentle life is to heal your sexual side and to see the damage done to sexuality as part of the overall picture of the after-effects of a dangerous and pathological relationship. Please talk to your counselor about the sexual effects of your relationship. If you are not in therapy - get into therapy ASAP. I have created something called Recovery for Wounded Women that you can get HERE The Institute for Relational Harm and PsychoPathology Education ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths