No get out of my head

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#1 May 1 - 10AM
lostlove458
lostlove458's picture

No get out of my head

I woke up with him on my mind today! Perhaps it was a text message I got last night from a friend who saw him out with ow. I am starting to think that he really has found the one! Maybe it's all i'n my mind that he is actually a narc. Now I'm not so sure, maybe it was just me that he didn't want a relationship with. I have blocked from fb but I still hear about how he has a profile picture with him kinda like liking ow cheek and he really looks into her. It brought back flashbacks of one night when we were out at a sportsbar how I reached out to kiss him and my tongue was out his sister had taken a picture and the look on his face looked horrified he had a gross look on his face but his new fb pic shows how he seems to be into her! So maybe he just never saw me that way or even felt the way he does for her and he treated me poorly all those years but now he is found his love of his life at 38 wow that's great I should be happy for him right if I really loved him and I should let him go but why after 8 months I'm still hurting is it the lack of validation? The nonclosure part or is it just that he isn't a narc and he really loves her but then why did he use me cheat and lie and I was a great friend and person or should o day I am how can everyone see it but he never saw ME! I'm sorry I'm crying because he would put my down and he praises her! I want him to get out of my head all I ever wanted was his heart but the ow is claiming she does and she thinks she is better than me! I am so confused !

May 2 - 10PM
lostlove458
lostlove458's picture

I am worth it he didn't

I am worth it he didn't deserve me and I didn't deserve to be yrrated the way he treated me! Sick of his false self! Makes me sick I want to laugh i'n his and her face and say the jokes on you! I should be glad I'm out!! Ugh just venting , she posts crap on her face saying howuch she misses him even if he I'd i'n the other room!! What a fucking joke!
May 2 - 3PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lost Love

It takes time to get over the hurt, betrayal and damage a narc causes. This was a disordered relationship and one that cannot be understood other than the individual was personality disordered. More than that, they are chameleons, so as soon as you think you have it figured out, they change it up. Narcs cannot attach - and if you "know" about Narcissism, it still takes time to own it, for it to really sink in what this means. We as the non-personality disordered suffer a lot of congnitive dissonance just trying to "own" what this all means. He cannot attach...he cannot love...it is all "illusion" everything he does is in an effort to get supply. He can and will play any role he has to in order to get his needs met. People are props to them. It hurts to be exploited and fooled but this is the reality - we were victimized; however, in learning more about this, educating ourselves, getting it out, seeing that we are not alone - you are in the company with many strong, dynamic, beautiful, caring, empowered individuals here...in time you will heal. Keep sharing, realize that those conflicting thoughts, those second guesses are part of the process but the reality is, they lack empathy, cannot attach, cannot love, they operate on the FALSE SELF and therefore that which you thought you loved, never really existed. The good news is YOU DO EXIST, you can feel, you can attach, you are not a user or abuser and once you heal and that will take time, you will if you've mastered this lesson be more aware and be able to decipher who's real and who isn't and who is worthy of all that you have to offer. Hugs!
May 2 - 3PM
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

torture.

First they torture us, then we take over and torture ourselves. They are the problem. When you start getting down on yourself try to put negative thoughts out of your mind with a simple phrase, if you can. You are a lovely human being and you will eventually learn to deal with negative self persecuting thoughts. It does get better.
May 2 - 11AM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Lost love

Their words do get stuck in our head, and it is hard to chase them out. I am glad I do not have a FB tie to my exN. It is good you have him blocked. Try to stay away from lurking and tell others you would prefer not to know what is on his FB. He is praising her now (called idealization) bc he is in the honeymoon phase. Like Hunter said she will most likely be narc'd eventually. He will start to see her faults and idiosyncracies in time. We all have habits and when you get close enough, they come out. My exN never validated me when I needed it. He was withholding and this did a number on my self-esteem. My exN and I had pictures taken of us, and he would not smile. I saw pics of him with 2nd ex-wife smiling away, one he was kissing her with tongue out. He had three ex-wives and, not bragging, but lookwise there was just no comparison. They all had major weight issues. When I asked him, as I was still getting to know him, he immediately put me down and began to make himself look good. I tried to understand, but he did not make sense most of the time. Eventally, the truth partially came out, and it showed he was using her (no surprise), but did he ever apologize to me or reassure me for raking me over the coals? No, of course not. I wouldn't put too much stake in the pics. You really cannot understand them, and it is futile to try. They are magnificent actors. Mine was anyway. Hugs!
May 2 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Lost love

Trust me The OW will be Narced in time! I'll bet u on it! As for getting him out of your head, there is no magic pill, continue NC, time will make it better, keep reading & learning, my guess is ,he will be back! Upon his return you need to be prepared! Hunter