NO Contact Strategy: My Book of Checkmarks

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#1 May 27 - 11PM
baddream
baddream's picture

NO Contact Strategy: My Book of Checkmarks

I have noticed the many posts on this forum directed toward how to go no contact, breaking no contact, not being sure to go no contact.

I think most of us who have been here for awhile agree that No Contact is the ONLY way to deal with and end a relationship with a narcissist. Talking, trying to work it out, trying one more time just falls on deaf ears and perpetuates the cycle.

When you are ready to end your toxic relationship and take your life back, there is no other choice.

The hardest part is not deciding for NC, it is staying NC.

This is how I did it. It may sound like OCD, but it worked for me.

I have a little black book. On the first page it says:

"Everything he does is to get a reaction. Be stronger"

"The checkmarks in this book are $$ in the bank. Keep them here, and keep investing. Make a call to him---- they all get wiped out and I have to start over again"

"THE GREATEST REVENGE IS NOT LETTING HIM SEE THAT I GIVE A DAMN"

On the next pages I collect one checkmark/day for each of the following:

DO NOT CALL
DO NOT INITIATE
NO TEXT
DO NOT ENABLE

DO NOT ANSWER
DO NOT CALL BACK

This must sound crazy, but I have been putting check marks in this book for over a year. There are now over 2,000 check marks.

For every check mark, I have taken away a little of his power over me, and given it back to myself. At this point, I feel 100% in control and have not the slightest desire to ever talk to him again.

But I continue to put checks in my book every night, because I do realize that once "bitten" by N, there will always be a vulnerable part of me, and I will never be 100% safe again. My little black book protects me. The first check marks were the hardest, now they are just like daily immunizations.

What a pity it would be, after all my hard work, and all these checks to have to start all over again.

Whatever works, right????

May 28 - 2AM
M
M's picture

daily marks

I don't keep a log...but I am very good now at letting calls go to VM & not answering texts. I only respond to emails concerning our child--and I keep it factual. It's tough but it is killing him. I get e-mails on how I should "acknowlegde him in front of our daughter". When I see him, I find an excuse to walk away. I like NC--it's empowering to take away their "supply".