NO CONTACT CAN BE PAINLESS

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#1 Feb 25 - 8PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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NO CONTACT CAN BE PAINLESS

I never thought I would write a topic on NC, the one thing that Barbara tells us over and over and over, its like if we had done what she said, we could say, oh ok and never be here again ha ha That is the POWER of NO CONTACT.

Things started to decline rapidly during the past two months with mine, until one day I just quit replying and listening to any and all messages, and he has also quit calling for quite some time now. Strange thing happened I started to feel better, I have not cried one tear, I feel liberated, free, and during these three weeks of no calls from him now I pray he NEVER calls me again. I know for some of us (and me included at one time) its very hard to stay NC, we miss them is often said, we cant believe we meant nothing to them we say, how can they just throw us away like that knowing how much I loved him and gave to him.

We get a huge dose of truth and reality when they stop calling us but "we have always known these truths to be evident" We tried so hard to gain their love, let me rephrase that, We tried so hard to gain the love of a disordered person. In many cases we wanted a psychopath to love us, call them what you want, lets just call them highly disturbed that will cover the whole spectrum of what they are.

I looked around these past three weeks for the first time seeing my reality. How many of us since little girls have dreamed about Prince Charming? I know I did. Ladies we must leave prince charming in the text books, that is a fairy tale and so was the man he pretended to be. Its not so bad giving up that dream. Real life consists of sacrifice, compromises, give and take, growth, change. Its not some whirlwind romance that we hope will rescue us from something, or grant our every wish.

I still get my pangs, and urges but I know I cant turn to him for what any of my dreams are, what I got from him was severe abuse and tolerating abuse just to keep some pipe dream alive of a certain image I had of someone who was nothing but a fraud will get me nowhere. So I say to myself Look within yourself Cynthia you are the answer, he is NOT. You know the facts, they are no closer to offering you anything substantial than a sewer rat. They are horrible vile creatures. They can pretend and charm all they want but I have no desire to talk to someone that is not human in their behavior. They lack the very qualities that are essential for humans to survive. Do not be fooled by the man behind the curtain, what you see is NOT what you get always remember that. You see them living their life without a care in the world, sorry that is what YOU SEE, that is NOT what it is.

Here is a little story I wanted to share with you about a woman who lived with a sociopath for three years . Beautiful, brilliant, gifted woman. Her boyfriend comes home and wants to have sex, only one problem his penis smells of condoms and another woman. Guess he thought he stuck it in a rose garden, she finally got her "sign" This is how they treat good women. Lie, cheat, betray, abuse, and I want to contact someone of that character? NO NO NO NO. What we are missing is NOT THEM, it never was, what we are missing lies within ourselves and I learned that lesson the hard way. When we find what is missing I guarantee you NC will be easy and you will be free.

Feb 26 - 10PM
narcsurvivor
narcsurvivor's picture

As Barbara has mentioned

As Barbara has mentioned that it takes 18 months to get the n out of our systems, isn't it ironic how 18 months is also the standard time it takes to get rid of bed bugs, another predatory, blood-sucking creature?
Feb 26 - 12PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

closure and betrayal

Now the part that doesnt come so easy for me is getting through the betrayl and knowing there is no closure. Telling them what they did to you is like talking to the pavement, so now we have to accept that also. They dont want to hear what they did to us because they didnt ever want us to figure it out and afterall they did us a favor giving us the good sex we have wanted ha ha ya right. I think we must put the blame where it goes, it should not be a shock that a sociopath would betray us, I mean look what else they are capable of - just watch your crime stories, it could be so far much worse. I will always rise above this low life and pursue things in my life that will bring me joy and happiness and peace that is all I can do, and they can go to hell as far as I am concerned, I could care less what happens to them
Feb 26 - 12PM (Reply to #21)
rache
rache's picture

RIGHT ON

Cynthia! i would rather be alone than sleep with the devil!
Feb 26 - 10AM
becoming sane
becoming sane's picture

Funny the things we glean from these stories!

The condom part brought back a memory of the same thing ! A memory I haven't thought of since because at the time I remember thinking am I smelling/tasting what I think I am ? And as he trained me to do I thought naw couldn't be....now I know...yes he did and yes it was !
Feb 27 - 7AM (Reply to #19)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Gleaning Submission & Control

What is learned here is how demeaning & degrading these guys are! Doing this was a power thrill for him . . . your submission & his control over you . . . they know that you will suspect something, or they are laughing that you do not. Such evil!
Feb 26 - 12PM (Reply to #16)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

nice

That is just so sick, you bet it was what you thought it was, anyone who can pick up on that smell is another woman, WE KNOW nice present to bring home to you, what a low life scum whore he is
Feb 26 - 2PM (Reply to #18)
becoming sane
becoming sane's picture

He is projecting hard core

Now suddenly he infers that I AM UP TO SOMETHING as in having an affair lol you bet I'm up to something it's called information gathering and letting you think I am still blissfully unaware of all your shenanagins while I collect evidence against you . It is amusing in a sense that now that I understand narc speak and reactions nothing he does shocks or suprises me any more, in fact I find him very contrived, and almost comical which I think I must be having a hard time hiding cause he has told me a couple times lately "you just think everything is so damn funny " which in fact I do because engaging with him is like watching the old vaudville acts ...so predictable and you just know what's gonna happen next .
Feb 26 - 12PM (Reply to #17)
rache
rache's picture

whoremonger!

My ex psychopath came to bed smelling like he had just pulled his jerky and he had-phone sex with ex friend! Who needs a piece of shit like that? The thing i ask myself to keep me totally NC is this-are you so damnh desperate Rache that you would SETTLE for this?My answer-HELL NO! GOOD RIDDANCE!
Feb 26 - 1AM
Kelly
Kelly's picture

NC removes the spell

After a month of NC, I got extremely depressed, but then I started to finally acknowledge the feelings I had about thing he did that bothered me when we were together. He was showing signs the whole time that he was abusive, ego-maniacal, controlling and emotionally disordered. I felt it then, but I didn't want to believe my handsome, romantic, prince-charming, soul-mate, was . . . was. . . a narcissist or possible psycho or possible . . psychotic? I was so hypnotized when I was with him, he could have asked me to marry him after the way he attacked me over the phone and I probably would have said yes. After only 6 weeks! Well, six intense weeks. Oxytocin is very powerful and it makes very bright, independent women, very stupid. I'm doing away with prince charming. I met mine, he turned out to be a psycho.
Feb 26 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

narcmagnet

oops I thought I was hot shit with my progress with Nc and he called, NO I did not respond, did not answer, but I cried pretty hard all the way home from work not because of him and the NC but because there isnt a damn thing I can do for what he did to me but walk away with no closure, and I cant even just tell him the horrible injustice he did to my life, I struggle with this, the NC was the easy part, this part isnt so easy. I would have liked to answer him and see dont call me again F----r just leave me alone and live your selfish pig life put me on the shelf with the rest of your victims you destroyed and laugh about it cause that is what you do best. But of course I wont they like replies and attention like that they thinks its amusing. I am ok I calmed down. I will have to just work through this like I have everything else.
Feb 27 - 12AM (Reply to #12)
M
M's picture

be strong

I am getting ridiculous e-mails about dog custody & our daughter. He is even having her call on his behalf! And saying that if he takes the dog full time-it's my fault that she can't be with her pet. Is that not Projection?? Trying to figure how to use it to gain sole or reduced custody...
Feb 27 - 7AM (Reply to #14)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Don't respond

I wouldn't discuss the dog. It's all been discussed. Either he takes the dog . . . or he does not. What's the issue here? He makes it an issue. Don't let him. You want the dog. OK. You don't want the dog. OK. Conversation finished. I saw those e-mails in another post, each one saying something different about the dog. Proves communication is not the point with these guys. It's the opposite of communication which is the point.
Feb 27 - 12AM (Reply to #13)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

michvegas

save the emails that's harassment via dog and emotional blackmail tell your attorney to step in IMMEDIATELY! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 26 - 9PM (Reply to #11)
rache
rache's picture

you can do it

Cynthia-you're a strong person,and,you know its our only hope-NC.
Feb 25 - 10PM
narcsurvivor
narcsurvivor's picture

It does feel liberating.

It does feel liberating. But, to be honest, the only way it's going to work for me this time is the reminder that he tried to sue me. That became the final straw for me, unlike all the other previous times when I caved and called him. I finally see him for the predatory alien he is.
Feb 25 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Thank you for reminding us of this

Thank you for your post, you bring to light the horrible things they do, and that we have to, under all circumstances, be careful and protect ourselves. You would think self protection from a pathological N would be natural,,it for some reason is very difficult.
Feb 25 - 11PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the 'reason' its so difficult....

is because of the hypnosis, mind control and NLP they do on us which causes hyperarousal of our nervous system leaving us bonded to them in a sick way. That's what they want us to be bonded and unable to run. That's the ONLY reason its so difficult. I ask you all - what REAL NORMAL MAN would have to use that sort of covert coercion to keep a partner with him? The answer to that: NONE. It wouldn't even cross their minds. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 26 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NC

REAL MEN don't need to use hypnosis on women to 'keep' them...ha, I love it. No Contact works. It takes time, but it does work. After a few months of it, my ex started diminishing in my mind, and now he pretty much just looks like a PATHETIC LOSER. I think, this is the man I used to admire?? Lift up his spirits at ever chance?? Sleep with, tell him how great he was but inside was thinking 'ho-hum'?? The man I rushed home to talk to online (while we were living LD)?? Put other people and plans on hold so he'd always feel like he was the priority?? HUH?? THIS is the same guy?? Not kicking myself, I know why this happens, but your perspective down the road is very different after keeping strict No Contact.
Feb 25 - 9PM
rache
rache's picture

Cynthia

AMEN! honey, amen.....liars,cheats,users,and,abusers-ALL OF THEM!
Feb 25 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

NC

I am absolutely loving NC!! First, just like you said, Cynthia, it is totally freeing. You do think of them less and less as time with no contact goes on. Also, when you make the decision to block him, it's liberating because YOU made the choice, not him. It makes you feel like you are more in control.
Feb 25 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

I needed to hear this!!

Thank you so much for your post,,I needed to hear this,,I have been struggling today with the issue. I know logically, emotionally, spiritually, NC is the best way to free ourselves of the tremors of a N relationship,, it is so hard to do sometimes. On top of that, it is hard to understand why NC can be difficult. Just admitting "it can be difficult" helps. We have the solutions within, not the fantasy man that never existed...they are the problem, not the solution!
Feb 25 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
Piscesdream
Piscesdream's picture

Yes it IS difficult. I want

Yes it IS difficult. I want to believe in our good times and have them again. I have to focus on all the crap.