The Nightmares are back

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#1 Jul 16 - 9AM

sara-smile

The Nightmares are back

I just got back from a wonderful week at the beach with my family. We had the BEST time! The Narc sent 2 text messages the 2nd day I was there and I ignored them and kept having a good time. I did think about him while I was gone.....I thought about how peaceful my life was without him, how he would have never fit in with my family, and how great things were without him in my life. All was good until Thursday night.

I started feeling a little anxious Thursday night because I knew I was leaving Friday to come home and back to reality. I started thinking about going back to work Tuesday and having to deal with him again. I know I shouldn't have let him in my mind but he's always there lurking! Thursday night I had nightmares about him all night long. I woke up irritated. I hate it when he takes over my dreams. Friday was a good day and the ride home was relaxing. I was so happy to get home and see my kids!!! I had some trouble getting to sleep last night and when I did the nightmares started and I had them all night long. This time they were about the OW and she taunted me in my dreams all night. It was awful. Everywhere I went she was there with him and rubbing it in my face and being mean and spiteful. It was horrible. When I woke up this morning I was RAGING!!!! The thing about it is I feel sorry for her and I don't want him back but in my dreams I was devastated. It's INSANE! For the first time in weeks I had to take a xanex. :(

I have an appt with a new therapist Monday. (thank the Lord!) I hope this new guy knows more about NPD and PTSD than the previous guy. I can't take living with him in my dreams and dealing with him when I'm awake!!!!

Please keep me in your prayers and send good positive thoughts my way!!! I feel like I've digressing!! I know this is anxiety about facing him at work Tuesday because he WILL harass me and he WILL contact me. I've been gone for a week so I'm sure he's been saving up for it. He can't help himself. He's like a terrorist!!

Thanks for listening! I appreciate you all more than you will ever know.

Sara

#2 Jul 16 - 9PM

Amazed

One more quick comment...

I don't know your full story,,if he is at work you have GOT to got NC with him,,,that means not looking at him during meetings, not talking to him, not responding to his comments (I know this is weird, has to be done),,it is so important to do this, and let others know at work that this is the way it has to be... As for the OW in your dreams screaming at you,,,think of it like this,,she is the one who is brainwashed, out of touch with reality, and yelling at you because you are real, you see the Narc for the evil he is, and you have exposed him,,she is trying to deny this to you, she is still caught up in that struggle, however you are OUT of the struggle,,you no longer want that destruction in your life...SHE is the one who is being destroyed....how can we not hear their cries,,right!!!! We know!!!! It is very difficult, especially when you value human life,,to see others being abused, like that OW,,, Screw them,,stay away from all of them and their saga,,,it is not a battle that will get you anywhere,,, Hope you are glad to be free!!!!

#3 Jul 16 - 9PM

Amazed

Sara-smile, a comment about the dreams...

Yes, it is common to suffer almost a post traumatic stress dream revolving around the exN, the OW,,it is your mind, your soul, your body working through all the convoluted crap that they manipulated you through,,,it is usually most pronounced especially in the beginning after you go NC, and it will continue for about 18 months thereafter to a lesser degree.. The dreams can become to feel like nightmares, however it will get better,,you have been traumatized,,,a lot of woman I think have 'sexualized' dreams about them, dreams of being taken over, searching,,yada yada,,,it is common,,it WILL GET BETTER... Be very strong with yourself how important it is to go NC...it is such a struggle because we used to want to be with them, NOW we need to PROTECT OURSELVES FROM THEM AND OTHERS LIKE THEM!!!! So it is a strange situation,,number one we have to be very firm about NC and staying away from them, they are evil, they seek to destroy, hence your nightmares... Again, be strong, be happy, fill yourself with positive thoughts, and positive will come to you...: )

#4 Jul 16 - 10AM

Hunter

Sara

I'm sorry, they cause anxiety that's for sure! It's the airplane ride, as you know I used to terrified to fly, the day before the trip it was all stress! I'd fly no matter what it's an irrational fear! Once I took the flight it was never as bad as my head made it out to be! So get on the plane , ride the turbulence but don't be afraid! Hunter

#5 Jul 16 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

sara-smile

Hunter

Thanks and I hope you are right. Maybe Tuesday won't be as bad as my head has it built up to be. I think what really bothers me on top of everything else is the RAGE. I don't get sad anymore at all I get raging mad! I'm afraid I'm gonna snap on his hillbilly ass and just beat the hell out of him! I can't take much more. Why don't he just GO AWAY? Did you see the newspaper article where the lady drugged her ex-husband and cut off his penis and put it in the garbage disposal?? Haaaaaa! She's my hero! :) I wish I had done that a long time ago!

#6 Jul 16 - 10AM

StudentOfLife

You're subconscious knows

You're subconscious knows more than you do. Trust it while it works through things. ;0) My dreams have been interesting lately as well. ( I love talking about dreams... ) For instance, I had this dream last Saturday night... I was in the deep forest, i think it was during old celtic times. People were building fortresses in the woods. I was searching for N. I finally found him, but... it wasn't "him". Same in appearance, but there was a different feel about him, "he" wasn't behind his own eyes. It wasn't the "him" i ever (thought I) knew. The next day, after about a month of his brutal discard of me, he decided he wanted to stop in.... so he showed up at my door with wine coolers and the conversation and interaction the proceeded was very REVEALING, the dream basically came true! Its AMAZING how after being away from them for some time.... you start to see things much more clearly!! Hang in there! Everything is working itself out. And remember... stay your course. You are on the path to freedom!

#7 Jul 16 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

Amazed

Wow studentoflife, I like your interpretation

You are correct, dreams are very revealing, and eerie when they 'come true' like in your situation.. Some are very vivid, and like the way you said yours was situated in celtic times,,,I feel many of my dreams are the same way,, in a forest, see an opening and a cleared circle in the forest,,I have the same experience of a 'searching'..that is so interesting, wow.. You are right, hang in there, it does get better. : )

#8 Jul 16 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

Done sourcing

I agree

The mind is working these things out, stuff comes up and gets worked out in our dreams. Giving up is not something that comes naturally to most of us. I have never been a quitter. This tenacity makes it diffucult to let go of troublesome situations. But on the other hand my stubborn nature has made me resolved to find a way to work through this problem...curling up in a ball and drooling is not a solution that I am willing to accept. Therapy is so good for me. So is reading about things that improve my relationship with God. So is understanding that I am not my story, I am new and whole everyday. I can choose to begin my life again at any time, and regarding any life situation. I know when thinking of her I am thinking about the past, and giving it power today. That is a choice that I make, and I can choose otherwise anytime I want. The narc has the power I give her...no more than that. Yesterday is truly gone, and tomorrow never comes. It is about right now, and right now I am whole and complete. The past doesn't haunt me...the past has no power, only my mind has power. The narc is gone, today I am free, and the bondage and devastation is gone, and need never return if I stay the course and remain conscious and present to the miracle that is my freedom. The narc is like an irritating appliance that sometimes appears on the counter taking up space and cluttering up space that I have better uses for. When it appears I remind myself that I have unplugged it, and put it away, having no use for it anymore. Everytime I "see" it afterwards, I remind myself that it is gone, unneeded by me anymore. I put it away because it is bad for me, unfulfilling, unnecessary, unhealthy, wasteful, and a complete waste of my time and energy. ds

#9 Jul 16 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

sara-smile

Thanks DS

You have such a way with words! You should be a motivational speaker! I thought I had taken the old hillbilly appliance off the counter and put it away but he keeps coming back to me in my dreams. I know it's just anxiety about going back to work Tuesday. The last week has been SO PEACEFUL! I just don't understand why he won't go away and let it be like that all the time! I'm glad things are going good with you! Sara

#10 Jul 16 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

sara-smile

Student of Life

I forgot to mention the weirdest part of the dreams last night. She was with him and taunting me but I could never see his face! His face was always blank in every dream! Wonder what that means? I think it means a he's a big fat coward! :) Thanks for the encouragement!

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