Nice girls dont rage ?

22 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 3 - 2PM

Scoop

Nice girls dont rage ?

Believe it or not the rage stage of recovery should be seem as great progress with a big pat on the back when you reach it ... and you will know when you have reached it , it is a hair pulling , clothes ripping rage that most of us have never felt before .
Rage is the point of the up turn and the fight back in recovery and is to be celebrated.
It is hard to handle as most of us have been brought up to think that nice girls dont get angry , nice girls dont stab a pillow with a pen screaming die you fu*ker DIE! But get agngy we must and how we handle it is important . Essentualy we need to have an outlet for our angry emotions Mine was to ride my bike round town like a mad woman muttering obscenities under my breath with the occasional "WANKER" said out loud , one of our old timers on the board use to dig great big holes in her garden and then fill them in again (cool eh?). Its about finding an outlet that works for you that doent involve picking up the phone and screaming at the narc which would amout to golden supply to a psychopath .
It is a wonder to me that the way we heal and the way our brain works has a universal patten of stages ,it almost feels like someone upstairs is orchestrating it , helping us on our way through the pain .. its truely a wonder .
So if you are raging today .. high five sister !
My rage lasted for about 6 weeks , thats not to say i was frothing at the mouth for all that time but i do remember that stage and although it was scary , now looking back i realise how essential it was to keep me no contact and to propel me on my healing journey .

Big love Scoop xx

#2 Oct 3 - 9PM

Sea

u have just described me

My rage started yesterday, the intensity scares me. Now that I know this is normal and part of healing I felt more settled. My way of dealing with stress is always in the form of exercising. Run and run and run for miles or swim and swim .... Thanks for posting this, Scoop. xx Sumiko

#3 Oct 3 - 9PM

rosedewittbukater

OMG

I think I'm there!

#4 Oct 3 - 7PM

alittledark

lately I have been going often to the tennis courts and picking

the farthest court from anyone else and whacking the heck out of the tennis balls. Luckily I bring a basket full because when I serve I haven't been aiming for the opposite court, just whacking as hard as I can and using names that I can't use around my daughter. When a tennis court isn't available I stay here at home and shoot some bball till the sun goes down. If I couldn't vent that way, I fear the toxins would build up until I'd explode around somebody.

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

#5 Oct 3 - 6PM

58 and going strong

For good girls get to heaven,

For good girls get to heaven, but bad girls get anywhere they want! Rage, sisters, rage!!!

#6 Oct 3 - 7PM (Reply to #18)

Tigerlily

Bravo!

Couldn`t agree more, 58. Rage, sisters, rage!! Tigerlily

#7 Oct 3 - 3PM

Susan32

Being told not to be angry

That's what I was told throughout the final D&D... that I wasn't supposed to be angry, to bottle it in, to not be sad, not grieve... I was told those were unhealthy, negative feelings, and that I was supposed to be the "good girl." I thought if I skipped through the grief/anger stages, I would be OK. To pretend that nothing happened. When I went home, I was exhausted. Exhausted and numb. I thought that if I got a job (which I eventually did), and distracted myself, all those bad feelings would go away. But they didn't. It was the same thing with the Narc workplace for 5 years. My Narc boss, Narc coworker and the AM cook were allowed to express their anger... but I wasn't. They could rage&complain about the unfairness of life, but I didn't. I was expected to put up&shut up. Not healthy.

#8 Oct 3 - 3PM

Sparrow

Sunafterrain, exactly! Don't

Sunafterrain, exactly! Don't skip any of the steps! Actually welcome each and every one of them. It's so very important to "stay the course". Sometimes we get a little impatient because we wnat so badly to put this whole mess behind us, but it is more valuable to set your goals and follow each of them through. I do stay clear of sweets too.........just my own little take on things. I find sugar is really bad for me personally. It gives your body a uneccesary jolt of energy, that you find yourself coming down off your "sugar high" and you crash and burn. At least for me.......I opt for natural sweets, fruit mainly. Once in a blue moon, I will treat myself to some artificial treat, but will admit, pay for it every time. Another thing that is good to eat........cheese. It's fattening, but if you are already exercising, it's all good. A couple cubes of cheese, some grapes, and crackers.......your good to go! I can not stress enough, how important eating healthy and exercising is for everyone on the planet, but especially from people like us. Got to keep the mind, body and soul well maintained. Makes a world of difference!

#9 Oct 3 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Sunafterrain

Sparrow

I totally agree. I LOVE cheese, but I'm extremely Vitamin D deficient. I had a battery of tests done because of the fallout from this mess. I have several chronic illness issues and have to see my doc once a month, but I swear that helps and motivates me to strive to be healthier. I'm lactose intolerant so I can't do a lot of the sweets I love, mainly ice cream. I have several addictions I need to cut down on or get rid of, smoking and COFFEE! I love coffee! Since I stopped drinking wine after I departed from the asshole, I've traded that for coffee. I'm really banking on the working out to help MUCH with all of the stress and rage from this, as well as helping motivate me to stop smoking. I'm in great shape as far as body shape and weight goes. I just need to tone and get into a good vigorous exercise regimine! I'm not happy with the therapist I have and am currently having to seek out the services of another. This has frustrated me SO MUCH, and after having read hundreds of stories from victims, have decided to explore the potential for becoming a therapist. This would mean three more years of school, but it would be worth it. There just has to be more help for those victimized by the disordered ones and there just ISN"T. That is now becoming a passion for me, thus another STEP I don't want to miss...what to do with the rest of my life that will help others. Big HUGS Sparrow! Thanks for the advice about what to eat. I'm not a big fruit eater, so I'm thinking in ways of eating that are healthy, but don't disrupt my IBS and that I'll be motivated to eat. I have a tendency not to eat when I'm under a lot of stress or forget too when I'm really busy!

#10 Oct 3 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

Sparrow

Sun! So glad to hear it!

Sun! So glad to hear it! You are doing an excellent job with your recovery! I feel the same way about wanting to help. That is why I stay with the forum. Hey, whats 3 years? Nothing really, blows over in a blink of an eye. I say go for it! Nothing bad ever comes from continued education! As far as your vices. Don't fret over the coffee and the smokes. You can give them up in time. If you changed EVERYTHING about your daily habits, you would go nuts. You have enough on your plate to let go of the few things you enjoy. Giving them up will come soon enough. You are limited because of your IBSetc as far as the foods you can consume. Speak to your doctor or to a dietician. They may be able to suggest a few healthy alternatives. Most importantly, EAT........you have to. Without it, you will just fall victim again. Diet (meaning what you eat) and exercise are so important to the psyche! Good luck! You are doing amazing things here! I am very happy for you!

#11 Oct 3 - 2PM

Winter

This is something I never experienced

Rage and anger is something I don't know. I never felt it. I can feel frustration and get irritated. But it usually don't last long. Few minutes. So this is the stage I never went through in any of my break up. Maybe I unconsciously do not allow myself to feel anger? I just don’t know how it feels.

#12 Oct 3 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

Sunafterrain

winter

If I remember correctly, you've not been out long, right? It will come. :)

#13 Oct 3 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

Winter

Sun

Right, 4 months only. However, I use to have break up in the past. Some of them were painful and not initiated by me. But I never felt anger, only sadness, depression...

#14 Oct 3 - 2PM

Tigerlily

Great Post, Scoop!

Sea`s raging right now, and I`m really glad. It`s such a healthy sign - like a wound itches worst shortly before it heals. Rage, OMG. That mother****er can be glad he never met me when I had a crowbar in my hands. And he was scared of me, yes really. He accused ME of being a psychopath - because I reacted to his cruelty, instead of just knuckling under. Rage is the normal, healthy reaction of a being with some fight in it to BEING TORTURED. Grrrrrr!!! Tigerlily

#15 Oct 3 - 2PM

Layla

Overwhelming rage...

Why Hello! This is a great post.... For me, the only way I can describe it for myself is "Overwhelming Rage".....I get SO angry I am crying and shaking....I just want to KILL him!!! CRAZY!! Of course, I'm not going to jail for ANY man, let alone that one, but let's just say, if something really bad happened to him, I wouldn't be the least bit upset about it........and I think for so long, we learn to hold in many emotions living with a PD, so when we are finally able to release these emotions in safety, they are extremely overwhelming.....

#16 Oct 3 - 2PM

Sparrow

I agree!

Scoop! I went through the same thing as well. I try to explain to everyone who asks me, the importance of ACCEPTING the different stages and GOING THROUGH every stage of the healing process. I remember the rage like it was yesterday, but it was actually last March! Where does the time go? I found myself getting extremely angry and didn't quite know how to vent it properly, because I am typically a laid back, reasonable person. This rage was very unfamiliar to me and I actually questioned whether or not I was going insane! I didn't recognize myself at that point. So what I did, I signed up for a kickboxing class! Twice a week I would go to class and kick the crap out of the bags. My instructor, Tony, couldn't get over how I hit hard and didn't stop the entire class. When class ended, I would almost collapse! Tony said, whoever the man is that pissed you off, he should be thankful your here and not at his house right now! Too funny........Every single time I hit that bag, I pictured both narcs faces. It seemed immature at the time, but it really did help quite a bit. I am a true believer of going through all the processes, not skipping a single one. The other day I equated it to baking a cake, skip one ingredient or 1 step in the recipe, and you might as well ahve not even attempted to bake the cake in the first place!

#17 Oct 3 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

Sunafterrain

Sparrow

I so agree with that, actually, I'm almost afraid that I'm skipping steps and/or not doing them right because even though it's painful, I don't wanna miss a THANG! That's how much I don't want to go through this experience again. BIG HUGS!

#18 Oct 3 - 2PM

Goldie

Then I guess I am NOT a nice girl!!!

I am the Queen of the Narc induced retalitory RAGE. You steal my money, use me, lie to me, hit me, destroy my house and your are going to see some serious RAGE. This is why they love to call us crazy, psycho, bipolar, bitch, ect.. Because they abuse us and we REACT, oh well. I agree 100% with this Scoop. Don't ever let anyone call you crazy or believe them if they do. When they are trying to screw you over and you REACT and put a stop to it. Also anger is a huge part of the recovery as this says because it is that anger that smarten's us up, wake's us up, and gives us back our spunk and our fight to survive and get the PD out of our lives at long last. Great topic Scoop!!! God bless, Goldie

#19 Oct 3 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Layla

I'm not a good girl either...........

I'm a bitch and I'm crazy. Hahahaha!!!

#20 Oct 3 - 2PM

Sunafterrain

Scoopers!

This post helps me a lot. I'm in the rage stage now, but it's fleeting. It isn't a constant, but I notice it because I'm edgy and extremely bitchy. My kids ask me if I'm PMSing when I get edgy and then I explain, um, no, I just HAD my period, UGH! Anyway, I'm signing up for the gym this next week and I'm learning to take my rage and turn into a big FUCK YOU to my ex by exercising and doing things with my life that he told me I would NEVER do. What do you think about that for handling rage? I like what you did btw LOL~!

#21 Oct 3 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

Scoop

SAR absolutely great that you

SAR absolutely great that you joined a gym , exercise is the best way to handle the rage and stress and the great part is you can eat more chocolate after and not worry about the weight !! bonus !xx

#22 Oct 3 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Sunafterrain

Scoopers

Seriously, I can hardly WAIT till the end of this week when my daughter and I join. I have a quit smoking date too that I have targeted for my birthday next month. How will I work through my RAGE? I'm going to SHOW myself that I can do EVERYTHING he said I could not! I'm in great physical shape, just need to tone then I hope he sees me somewhere and I can TOTALLY ignore his ass while he looks my way, FUCKER! oops, a little rage there hehe... Anyway, taking care of me, working it through with exercise and quitting smoking and loving myself more, is the key to dealing with the rage. I'm so glad you agree! A lot of the choices I'm making now, are the healthiest choices I've ever made in my life and I would not have been able to do that with the disordered one around, who wanted to keep me drunk, deviant and as sick as he was. I've come along way baby, YEAH!

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews