Newbie Losing Her Mind

Hi there - newbie here. Been reading all your stories and I am in total disbelief that as I read almost every story the hair raises on the back of my neck because you are describing my story to a T! I was with my N for almost 5 years. It was off again, on again, mostly off again and not always the best, which I now know why. Now that I totally get the whole N thing - I get it! Last year at this exact time we actually got engaged. It was the roughest year out of all the years, I think because I was finally seeing the light, but just in disbelieve and trying to make it work. In the midst of all this I allowed him to help me co-lease a car that is in both of our names. I am a single parent income home with a mortgage payment and my fully paid off Jeep with almost 200K miles needed so many repairs. He said he wanted to help me and agreed to help me lease the car and pay 1/2 the monthly lease payment. Little did I know or figure out that this was his way of "keeping me around" for his NS. He knew I would be relying on that 1/2 of payment every month. Well I finally prepared myself that whatever I had to do, even it it meant me and my daughter would eat PB&J everynight for dinner, I had to manage this payment myself. I told him to stop sending money or depositing money into our joint account that we set-up just for the car. May 1st will be the date that I see if he obliged by my requests. Anyway long story short, I won't bore you with all my details as it's the same as your story, I finally decided it was time to break free. I gave the ring back, actually drove it to his house 80 miles round trip and dropped it off in his mailbox during one of my manic phases that he prompted. What prompted me was I hadn't heard from him all day and then he called me late in the afternoon to tell me that he had just gotten out of surgery, and was going to go lie down as the anesthesia was just wearing off. I had no idea he was having a major surgery. We weren't on the best of terms around this time, but even if you weren't on the best of terms wouldn't you want to talk to your fiance before a major surgery? Plus I went into a rage when I learned that his mother was there taking care of him post surgery, which the whole mother thing - that is a story for another day, but basicaly in a nutshell, after dating for almost 5 years I never met his mother. He spent so much time with his mother, nice weekend trips, camping club trips, etc. but was never allowed to go along. Plus he is a huge Nascar fan, as I am and has season seats at many tracks. I was never invited to go to any of the races because he always took his mother. Even offered to pay for my own ticket and drive myself to and from the track, but nope - "you stay home - this is my thing that I do with my Mom". Strange you ask - very!. So I drove to drop the ring off after going crazy and losing my mind from all this. Then he sends me a message and tells me I need help. Of course I need help - you destroyed everything about me!!!! I don't even know who I am anymore!! I told him that yes I agreed that I needed help, (help to get away from him but didn't tell him that). I told him that I am a single parent and that it would be hard for me to do so with the $45.00 co-pay for therapy, for 2 times a week for 4 weeks out of the month, and for several months, in the long run it would cost me >$1,000 out of pocket. His reply, was "Well don't talk to me about financial issues, I paid $2,000 for a ring that is no use to me, and I've already paid out over $1,000 for a car that I will never drive". For real? You tell me I need therapy and then you send a reply like this? This was kind of my red flag that I needed to get as far away as possible from this Clowna**. So I started the NC, which I've done so many times over the years. I blocked his email. Blocked his phone number from my home phone. Can't figure out to block texts, but I'm working on it. But he does not have unlimited texts and rarely texted anyway. Makes way more money than I do but always yelled at me for making him go over his texting limit for the month. I blocked him from FB. I was doing so well! But today I saw on FB a picture that a mutual friend, that he once dated back in high school, posted for throw back Thursday. I saw that there were 3 likes, but when I clicked on the likes to see who all liked it, only 2 names appeared. I thought to myself, I wonder if that third person was him. So guess what, I unblocked him and looked and yes it was him. Why did I do this??? I was doing so well. I was so proud of myself. Then I did an even much more supid thing. I noticed that his profile picture was a picture from our weekend where we got engaged so I send a private message and asked him why he had that up as his profile picture. And of course I knew exactly the way I would feel after the short messages back and forth - PAIN! Why can't I get the whole CONTACT = PAIN through my head. I'm just looking for help here. How do I get rid of the obsessive thoughts and how do I be successful at NC? Please help me! Thank you.