new year but still sad

19 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 1 - 5AM

sadanddown

new year but still sad

happy new year everyone x
Well after the nasty text on Friday I got no text from him wishing me a happy new year I'm hurt and devastated all over again after all I've did for him and stood by him now he can't even send me one lousy text! He used to always text me at midnight I'm really disappointed I sent one text saying happy new year but no reply
Why does he hate me so much and is so horrible to me but not to family and friends but nasty to me the person that has done the most for him
Will he live happy ever after with another woman and it's just me he hates couldn't stand that !
Given that he sent me that nasty text night before new years and before he said he would see me in January do you think he still will or has he changed his mind now after nasty text?
X

#2 Jan 1 - 7AM

ruby01 (not verified)

sadanddown

I remember feeling this way. It's very chaotic and stressful being in this state of mind. Take a look at what you just wrote. "It's all about him". Your mind is playing tricks on you. Your thoughts about what happened and what might happen are clouding the truth. If this man is an abuser he is perfectly happy making others unhappy. He causes this simply by thinking of no one other than himself. The only time he thinks of others is in regards to what his needs are at that minute. No, he didn't call or respond to your text,because you mistakenly thought he cared enough and bonded with you, and that, unfortunately is a fantasy that everyone here at some point in time believed in as truth. That's completely understandable because we were unaware at the time. Dis spell the myth that he has any deep feelings. Accept that it is what it is. That is the only sane thing to do, because rejecting what is will only cause more pain for you. Take back your power, you have temporarily given it to him and it will be abused and used for his self fulfillment. Try to become aware of when you are thinking of what could be, should be and was. Just recognizing that you are is a big step in awareness. Stay away from him. When your mind wanders, and it will, only allow it to show you the truth, the facts, about the experience you had with him. I'm certain it will shine a light on the lopsidedness of it all along. You will heal from this if you have a strong desire to do so. Having any more contact with him will make the journey longer, so try your best to stay focused on the results YOU want. It is completely in your control. xxx, Ruby

#3 Jan 1 - 7AM (Reply to #8)

sadanddown

thank you ruby but why is it

thank you ruby but why is it just me he is nasty to and seems to hate don't understand that ? Will he change for a new woman? Do you think he will contact me again and want to see me? What do you think? Xxx

#4 Jan 1 - 7AM (Reply to #9)

ruby01 (not verified)

sadanddown

My guess is that early on you shared a personal story about you that revealed to him that you would be particularly affected by that type of abuse. Think about intimate details about yourself that he is aware of, because, unfortunately, when he was consciously listening to your every word, and it felt so good to you, he was doing it in order to find your "weak spot". He must have found it because look what it is doing to you. Someone treating you badly is causing you to try harder to make them love you. Like he is a "prize" to be fought for. Now doesn't that seem absurd? Can you believe that you actually are worried about what he will do with others? Who is this person wanting to be abused? Its Sadanddown who has become sad and down because she gave her power and trust to someone who used it against her. You are a vibrant living, caring, feeling human being. He is a self centered, egotistical abuser. I know you really don't want that in your life. He will do nothing but cause you pain. I do not mean to offend you in any way. He has done more than enough of that. Take all power away from him. Read everything you can about emotional abusers. Just because he never physically harmed you do not kid yourself. Emotional abuse can be devastating. Read up on cognitive dissonance and see what you think. One step at a time!

#5 Jan 1 - 8AM (Reply to #10)

sadanddown

thank you just seems to be me

thank you just seems to be me he's horrible to and hates so much can't think of anything I said although he knows it bugs me when he ignores me What do I with his things? Do you think he will want to see me again or contact me?

#6 Jan 1 - 8AM (Reply to #12)

jules k

Hi Sadanddown, i have read

Hi Sadanddown, i have read your posts and i feel your pain. I was where you are now in earlier last year. He seemed to hate me and was nice to everyone else it seemed. I did all i could to bring him around but it did no good. I know though that he never hated me, and i'm sure your ex doesn't hate you :) I had all his stuff in my mum and dads garage and all he did was harrass me for it. Eventually after i made him wait for weeks,i wrote him a note to tell him when he could pick it up. I wasn't there when he came to collect it, my friend met him. That day was one of the worst of my life. I truly never thought that i would here from him again, but i did 7 weeks later. He was missing me(apparently). My friend said that only when you are COMPLETLEY gone from his life that he will start will realise what he has done. He did come back and i was an idiot to let him, i wish i hadn't but then i would have always wondered 'what if?' I was missing him terribly at the time he came back but i was getting my life sorted, new house, job etc. Now i am back to not square one but about 3 or 4. I wish i could tell you that it was a happy ending for me, but sadly no. He never could put me first you see, and i couldnt go through my life being last on his list. I think you will hear from him but only when you have been completly gone from his life for a while. I don't think he will change though and i do hope that when he does contact you, you are strong to not want him back. Take care Jules x

#7 Jan 1 - 9AM (Reply to #13)

sadanddown

thanks nice to know you feel

thanks nice to know you feel the same suppose I'm trying to use his things in hope to see him I know he treats me bad but I love him sad I know Just don't know why he was ok up until 27th then ignores me 3 days solid then nasty message on 30th and now not even a reply to a new year text really hurting over that and as he was saying he will see me in January on his message on the 27th I'm now thinking after him ignoring and that nasty text on 30th he's changed his mind and doesn't want to see me was going to phone him on 3rd try and arrange to see him I've got his clothes and bank card here don't like them in my house and would like to see him one last time get really dressed up and look good so he sees me as strong and not crying over him even though I am what do you think? Although don't know if he will just ignore me if I phone or just be angry wish I knew

#8 Jan 1 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

jules k

You may think u are strong

You may think u are strong enough to see him but i don't think u will be.He will upset u again if u saw him now. To be honest i dont think u should call him about his stuff. Maybe u could box it up and leave it at a friends,out of your sight so to speak. He will no doubt contact u about it.Dont see him though as it will be too upsetting for u. As for the reason why he suddenly changed towards u,God knows! They store things up in their minds and hold grudges over the silliest things. He is punishing u over something...this is what they do. I had all the questions that u did not so very long ago and now i am trying to help with advice.Believe me u will be doing this also one day :) x

#9 Jan 1 - 11AM (Reply to #15)

sadanddown

thanks but still don't know

thanks but still don't know how he can turn so quickly in space of 3 days! Would still love him to see me looking good and strong even though it's an act Do you think if I contacted him he would ignore me again or be angry and not meet me ? Still don't know why he can't even send me a new years text x

#10 Jan 1 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

jules k

He wont answer u or if he

He wont answer u or if he does it wont be pleasant.He wont meet u either. Please dont text him again,u have to gather all your will power now. I textef and texted in the beginning and i did finally get a reply but it didnt change the fact that he didnt want to see me. I wish i had played things differently but i was desparate for answers like u are now.Dont degrade yourself like i did. He will contact u when it suits him and at the moment that isnt now. Please resist contacting him,it will get u nowhere.xx

#11 Jan 1 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

sadanddown

even though before he sent

even though before he sent the nasty text he said he would see me in January ? That's why thought there might be a chance he still would

#12 Jan 1 - 12PM (Reply to #18)

jules k

In my opinion i dont think u

In my opinion i dont think u should do anything. No texts no calls,nothing.If he wants to see u in january then let him contact u.He will soon wonder why u have stopped contacting him. BUT be careful,he has proved that he is capable of treating u badly so he will no doubt do it again. xx

#13 Jan 1 - 8AM (Reply to #11)

ruby01 (not verified)

he will use

his things at your house as leverage. When he needs something from you he will try to contact you and that will be his excuse for doing so. I don't know how important the items are. If they are small and insignificant, then throw them out. Otherwise, maybe you could bag them up and have a friend have a friend drop them at his door. Remember you want to AVOID contact with him. It is NOT desirable.

#14 Jan 1 - 6AM

Tigerlily

My take is

He`ll go on playing with you as long as you allow him to, or until he gets bored with you and goes off to play with someone else, or until he`s destroyed you completely. I know that doesn`t sound very pleasant, but narcissism isn`t very pleasant. YOU decide which it`s to be, sadanddown! Go NC! Block him! Or let him go on playing his cruel, sick games until he`s sucked all the joy and love out of you - and he will, if you let him. Sorry to be so bleak, but it`s the plain hard truth. I feel for you. Tigerlily

#15 Jan 1 - 6AM (Reply to #2)

sadanddown

but why is it just me he's

but why is it just me he's nasty too and nice to everyone else? Don't get that ! Don't need to go nc as he's not contacting me. Do you think will hear again and see me this month after his nasty text? Also wondering is he an N or am I just trying to label him to feel better? Although my stories same as everyone else here ! Can't get why it's just me he's nasty to and seems to hate and to not even text me! I've his things in my house wanted to see him to give them to him but scared to contact him incase he ignored or get more rage! Do you think it's just me he hates or he would be better with someone else and be reformed?

#16 Jan 1 - 7AM (Reply to #3)

Tigerlily

I doubt he`d be different

with anyone else, but that`s not really the point. The point is, he has treated you very cruelly and will treat you worse if you allow him to! Yes, there is a difference if you make the DECISION to go NC, even though he`s not contacting you AT THE MOMENT. You take control of your own life and your own happiness when you go NC. You protect your boundaries not only now, but in the future, in case he starts trying to play games with you again. And it will give you your self-esteem back. At the moment, all your attention and energy is concentrated on him, what he feels, what he thinks, what he`ll do. You need to shift that energy and attention onto you - your feelings, your sadness and suffering. Hell, you don`t want a man who treats you like that, do you? You deserve so much better! Hugs Tigerlily

#17 Jan 1 - 7AM (Reply to #4)

sadanddown

but why is it just me he's so

but why is it just me he's so horrible to and his family friends and colleagues think he's some kind of god! What is it that makes him so nasty to just me don't understand that ? Do you think he will contact me again or is that him Gone for good this time? X

#18 Jan 1 - 8AM (Reply to #5)

Tigerlily

He may

contact you again, and he may not. But you`re asking the wrong questions if you want to heal. You should be asking: Do I want someone who treats me this badly in my life? and What has this asshole got that makes it so hard for me to separate from him? It doesn`t matter even if everyone else DOES think he`s some kind of God (and I`d bet at least a few of them see through him), because YOU know how he treats you, abd that`s the only thing that matters. Honey, I wouldn`t give him the time of day if I were you. You deserve MUCH better! Love Tigerlily

#19 Jan 1 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

abusednomore

its hard but its all about

its hard but its all about control with them, saying he is gonna see u in jan and then not answerin ur texts is all his warped sense of control! he wants to think that u r jus gonna be sat there waiting for him! dont, change ur number, get his things sent over with a friend, and do the NC, its hard and i find it hard every day but coming on this site and getting advice from other people in the same situation is the best thing. My exnarc jus left one day while i was at work after spending a week belittling me and blaming for everything that had gone wrong in his life. I was then texting and ringing, and i look back now and i bet he was loving it, knowing that i was jus sat there heartbroken about him, even tho he ws already with the OW! dont let him have the control, its bloody hard but u r worth better than that. And they r nice to everyone else cos they hav to keep up the persona and cos they dont have many real friends they hav to keep their image up! my exnarc commented a couple of months ago about how id made him out to be a nutter to his friends, i said ur actions speak for urself and he jus ignored that! lol! but he has since turned them all against me, but who cares, those people dont need to be in my life. Just care about the people that love and care about you, the rest dont matter.xxxxx

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