A new rude and mean Narc behavior, and I am getting it now....

Guess what, the rude comments he makes are how he feels about you and everyone else he comes into contact with. No one is worth his time unless they are "admiring" them. He will listen to you if it means you are admiring him. He will dis you if it mean you are admiring him. He will cuss you out, if it means you are admiring him. They, the NARCS do not admire anyone. They have a mental disorder. They have a personality disorder, to want to be the one admired at all times, at all costs. If they cannot get it from higher ups, they will get it from somewhere else. If they cannot get it from their family, they will get it at work. If they cannot get it from work, they will get it from a stranger. They are crap all the way. They do not want a relationship with you, or anyone else.

My former N, who is a co-worker (although I pray every day he will spontaneously combust and all that will be left is a pile of ashes in his cubicle), used to talk to me in long lectures and check his watch periodically while he was talking, or glance at his watch while I was talking. One time, he was sitting in my cubicle on my desk bitching about another doctor and saying the other doctor was going to go home in ten minutes, was just talking away (about himself, things he'd done, etc, as usual), and then checked THE CLOCK up on the wall - he had to half turn in order to do this - then left because now the other doctor was gone and the N could back to his cubicle. I might as well have been a mannikin or a blow-up doll. I was trying really hard today to think of him as someone who is 6-years old and has a learning disability. It actually makes sense. Too bad he's so mean and rude, though. Sometimes I think that's part of the crazy-making: wild swings from charm, warmth and apparent affection to rude, cold and very real cruelty.

Im probably gonna get in trouble with this one and it is only my opinion but a supposedly hetrosexual man cross dressing is not normal. There are some sexual issues there big time. This man does go out and dress up like a woman for the fun of it. Im not buying it. Be thankful he's gone. He is someone elses wacked out problem.

I think you should be grateful that he is still with his wife and i think you ae getting the picture loud and clear, Cross dressing is not for everyone,me that would be a deal breaker, and is too freaky, but like I say, we are all different, my hunch is his wife takes it because she is tied to him now with the kids and all and may be too scared to venture forth on her own, there are many women out there like that. His absolute and disgusting rudeness while you are on the phone talking is unexcusable, plain and simple, but hey we are all OBJECTS and haven't we all walked away from our toaster, did you read that post, it will be in my mind foevever more,ha.................

OH! Just forgot one more thing: Even after I found out about the OW he did that: said, "I'm not going to discuss this with you." Wanted to stay together, wanted to go on with our lives (wtf?) but was "not going to discuss" three years of lies, cheating and betrayal.

Just wanted to back up what some other ladies here said, too: they are angry, angry, unhappy people. They loathe you for loving them, loath you because you CAN love, loathe you because you didn't make their lives perfect, loathe you because you are human, loathe you becuase you try to understand them, loathe you because no one can understand them, loathe you because people love you, loathe you because you are happy, loathe you because you are sad, loathe you because you can communicate with people, etc etc etc. My narc HATED my ex husband. My ex used to chat with him at the coffee place, and the narc used to call him "my buddy"--amazed that they got along. He hated my ex, because my ex took the high road and talked to him, talked about our daughters, knew about politics and the courts and chatted about the narc's work. The narc wanted my ex to hate him, wanted my ex to get in the way of our relationship, wanted trouble, drama, chaos. For the last entire year, my ex was nowhere to be seen, but the narc would say things like, "When you get over your husband, call me" or "have a great night with your husband" when I'd ask him if he wanted to go to dinner or come over. He hated the fact that I'd been married, that I had children. He DESPISED my children. In fact, I realized later on that I was the only woman he'd ever dated who had been married before or who had children. Realized that the only people he allowed around his foster child were people who did not have children--who didn't really know what they were doing, you know? I was the only parent he knew and the only person who could not babysit his child. He told both of his brothers to get divorced, told his younger brother to stay away from his ex wife when he wanted to see her again, told him not to have a baby with her, told his best friend to divorce his wife, told another friend not to marry his longtime girlfriend, and finally told me to abort our own baby. He absolutely hated bonds of any kind that didn't have to do with him. AND he hated bonds that he realized DID have to do with him! Angry, rageful, bitter, jealous f*cked up sons of b*tches!

Would NOT talk to me on the phone or stop by for the last year at least. Texting only, and we lived next door to each other. Madness. Also, we went out for this lovely dinner a couple of years ago already. His brother's girlfriend offered to babysit becuas we hadn't been out in months. So we sat down to dinner and he was already agitated. I said, "They say it's going to snow about a foot tonight." He sighed, rolled his eyes, and said: "You're not going to be talking a lot tonight are you, honey?" Yeah, feels sooooo good, doesn't it?

Would NOT talk to me on the phone or stop by for the last year at least. Texting only, and we lived next door to each other. Madness. Also, we went out for this lovely dinner a couple of years ago already. His brother's girlfriend offered to babysit becuas we hadn't been out in months. So we sat down to dinner and he was already agitated. I said, "They say it's going to snow about a foot tonight." He sighed, rolled his eyes, and said: "You're not going to be talking a lot tonight are you, honey?" Yeah, feels sooooo good, doesn't it?

toward the end he would rarely talk to me on the phone only via text but if did talk to me on the phone it was like he couldnt wait to get off the phone with me it was like I was just a nuisance. This coming from a man who told me I dont why you have given me a second chance Im just glad I have one. Whatever. Just reminds me of what a freakin wacko he is.

Hopefully from here you will see that this is quite usual, but nonetheless upsetting and disturbing. Mine used to call me in the middle of the night, we would be on the phone for hours. Then after the D&D ... I once asked hime "What's new?" and he shouted "Don't ask me that, its f... BORING!" ... and that was that ... rage, rage, rage. He even said "Can you wait there a minute, I need to get something ,," then went away from the phone, and I could hear him shouting "BORING BORING" then came back like nothing had happened. Infrequently, he would even say "I know you're upset, I can hear you are crying" (even though I was trying to hide it. The question is - why did he continue to be nasty even though he KNEW that? Because he enjoyed hurting me? And why did it take me so long to hang up the phone ?! There are lots of posts on phone control on here, I found them invaluable. The one thing I learned was that if he called, I could tell within five seconds whether he was going to be ok or not. Sometimes he would be very chatty (obviously when talking about himself), others he would be very flat and that would always, always, always end in the scenario you describe. "Don't go there", "Don't ask me that ..because I don't need your opinion" etc. Humiliating. I am glad you are ending it in your own way x

Everyone has said it ALL, we are all in this together, I have been close to 2 years out from a 15 ear relationships and just a few months ago started feeling like normal, up till then i was still hurting big time over the man i use to love so dearly and gave my all to him. these men are not who they appear to be, inside them is a MONSTER and I am not talking about from a children's book either, a real ugly, angry, rageful man who hates himself and detests anyone who would dare love such a loser, as himself, and he knows deeep down he is ONE. Like everyone said, his sickness is not about you and the sooner you go no contact, the faster you will be to heal, One of the reasons my recovery took so long was I still kept writing him letters thinking and hoping he would change. My psychology friend at work said he will never change, the focus should be on ME and never to let anyone trample over me again and to develope better boundaries. Hang in there, this too shall pass with hard work on your part. Read the post about the toaster, that is what we are to these sickos!!!