new man paints his toenails ?

Oh Lordy!...oops...Oh Knighty...oops...Oh Boy...nope...Oye vey!...aye...I just don't know what to say... Sorry:( But, better you know now than later...doesn't feel too good finding out AFTER the fact and you know, he just might be a great shopping partner...just be careful, he might be looking for a "wife" for the "image" and you know that good ol CD creeps up... I'd give it some distance...as if he's not in tune, he'll be lying to himself and you and that can get messy too... Nothing wrong with being gay...but I think easier to be friends with ANYONE no matter which end of the fence, that pretty much knows WHO they are and what they want...then you can at least have a friendship based on authenticity rather than "latent" secrets. Hugs

Woooow scoop multi color print womens flip flops..amazing..ya friends will definintly do...lol

Sam Vaknin Are narcissists homosexual by nature? The Irish philosopher John O'Donahue author of the best seller Anam Cara has written another book entitled Beauty, and in it he posits that beauty is the cure to everything. Ah, if only this was true those who would agree with him believe in perfection. They do not want a fly in their soup. Years ago I met a young French man of noble birth who was also homosexual. As we walked the boulevards of Paris, full of interesting people, he told me that he found them all ugly. For him only someone who looked like him, and shared his sexual desires, was beautiful. No wonder Freud connected the love of oneself embodied in narcissism to homosexuality! The drive of a narcissist seems to be toward finding someone just like them; they are seeking the image that they created, the clone of themselves, their alter ego, and the virtual image in the mirror. Most narcissists see their outside image as the having the same sex as themselves. This other, has stepped out of their body and wonders around doing and saying things. Within the hollow darkness of their souls sits another entity that is a shriveled person that never developed beyond childhood. I suspect that thing looks like one of the children suffering from early aging. No wonder they look for beauty, because they hate themselves. I am conjecturing here, and only Sam can tell me if I am wrong. Where does the pursuit of beauty take the NPD? When Hitler visited Rome, Mussolini - the inventor of fascism had false house fronts put up, hiding the ugliness that he despised. (Vladimir Putin did the same thing during the St Petersburg anniversary celebrations.) Italians are particularly attuned to how things look; is this one of the wellsprings of fascism? Hypocrisy taken to its fullest expression? Hitler and his gang hated the looks of Jews, Gypsies and homosexuals. They were vermin that mired the Nazi idea of a beautiful perfect society. Maybe this is why I cringe when I hear someone talking about beauty in a certain way; I wonder if they want perfection rather than reality. An I suspect that their dreams will become our nightmares! Reading a book by a famous landscape artist, I ran across a funny story. He liked to wander the countryside looking for 'picturesque' scenes to draw and paint. He found a barn full of junk and very dilapidated, and he asked the farmer if he could do a painting of it. When he returned a week later he found that the farmer had cleaned out everything and painted it bright red, destroying the beauty the painter found appealing. One man's meat is another man's masterpiece. In conclusion, I think that beauty can be found everywhere. Those who try to capture it and exclude everything else are blind to real beauty. Narcissists want to impose their concepts and ideas of beauty on others. Most of the foolish chasers of beauty are dangerous because they believe their opinions are sacrosanct. They are not really lovers of beauty, but of their own tastes in beauty, and that is a dangerous thing. Like Martha Stewart, a oparagons of taste, they dictate beauty and so crush anything that they find ugly. Remember the story of Cinderella! Sam: I am a heterosexual and thus deprived of an intimate acquaintance with certain psychological processes, which allegedly are unique to homosexuals. I find it hard to believe that there are such processes, to begin with. Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological make-up of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences ñ and a heterosexual narcissist. They both are predators, devouring Narcissistic Supply Sources as they go. Narcissists look for new victims, the way tigers look for prey ñ they are hungry. Hungry for adoration, admiration, acceptance, approval, and any other kind of attention. Old sources die easy ñ once taken for granted, the narcissistic element of conquest vanishes. Conquest is important because it proves the superiority of the narcissist. The very act of subduing, subjugating, or acquiring the power to influence someone provides the narcissist with Narcissistic Supply. The newly conquered idolise the narcissist and serve as a trophies. The act of conquering and subordinating is epitomized by the sexual encounter - an objective and atavistic interaction. Making love to someone means that the consenting partner finds the narcissist (or one or more of his traits, such as his intelligence, his physique, even his money) irresistible. The distinction between passive and active sexual partners is mechanical, false, superfluous and superficial. Penetration does not make one of the parties "the stronger one". To cause someone to have sex with you is a powerful stimulus ñ and always provokes a sensation of omnipotence. Whether one is physically passive or active ñ one is always psychosexually active. Anyone who has unsafe sex is gambling with his life ñ though the odds are much smaller than public hysteria would have us believe. Reality does not matter, though ñ it is the perception of reality that matters. Getting this close to (perceived) danger is the equivalent of engaging in self-destruction (suicide). Narcissists are, at times, suicidal and are always self-destructive. There is, however, one element, which might be unique to homosexuals: the fact that their self-definition hinges on their sexual identity. I know of no heterosexual who would use his sexual preferences to define himself almost fully. Homosexuality has been inflated to the level of a sub-culture, a separate psychology, or a myth. This is typical of persecuted minorities. However, it does have an influence on the individual. Preoccupation with body and sex makes most homosexual narcissists SOMATIC narcissists. Moreover, the homosexual makes love to a person of the SAME sex ñ in a way, to his REFLECTION. In this respect, homosexual relations are highly narcissistic and autoerotic affairs. The somatic narcissist directs his libido at his body (as opposed to the cerebral narcissist, who concentrates upon his intellect). He cultivates it, nourishes and nurtures it, is often an hypochondriac, dedicates an inordinate amount of time to its needs (real and imaginary). It is through his body that this type of narcissist tracks down and captures his Supply Sources. The supply that the somatic narcissist so badly requires is derived from his form, his shape, his build, his profile, his beauty, his physical attractiveness, his health, his age. He downplays Narcissistic Supply directed at other traits. He uses sex to reaffirm his prowess, his attractiveness, or his youth. Love, to him, is synonymous with sex and he focuses his learning skills on the sexual act, the foreplay and the coital aftermath. Seduction becomes addictive because it leads to a quick succession of Supply Sources. Naturally, boredom (a form of transmuted aggression) sets in once the going gets routine. Routine is counter-narcissistic by definition because it threatens the narcissist's sense of uniqueness. An interesting side issue relates to transsexuals. Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become his False Self) ñ and a transsexual who seeks to discard his true gender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable. People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex. This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation, of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one's self. It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiose sense of entitlement ("I deserve to be taken care of") and omnipotence ("I can be whatever I want to be ñ despite nature/God"). This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without any strictures or restrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment. It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem. It is too early to say which. As yet, there isn't even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders ñ let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources. A radical view, proffered by Ray Blanchard, seems to indicate that pathological narcissism is more likely to be found among non-core, ego-dystonic, autogynephilic transsexulas and among heterosexual transvestites. It is less manifest in core, ego-syntonic, homosexual transsexuals. Autogynephilic transsexuals are subject to an intense urge to become the opposite sex and, thus, to be rendered the sexual object of their own desire. In other words, they are so sexually attracted to themselves that they wish to become both lovers in the romantic equation - the male and the female. It is the fulfilment of the ultimate narcissistic fantasy with the False Self as a fetish ("narcissistic fetish"). Autogynephilic transsexuals start off as heterosexuals and end up as either bisexual or homosexual. By shifting his/her attentions to men, the male autogynephilic transsexual "proves" to himself that he has finally become a "true" and desirable woman.

I have been reading on the internet every night for months obsessively trying to figure out what the hell happened to my life and I have not kept track of articles or links, But I will keep my eye out for the info about latent homosexuality now. My ex N was not gay, but he greatly preferred the company of males and I always wondered why, even before I was aware of this N stuff, it seemed really odd and over the top. All of his friends are married with more normal lives. Over the years I would see him tolerate me, his lover and girlfriend and then light up and be totally animated and joyful when the guys came around - I read somewhere about this being a pattern for Narcs - enjoying the male bonding thing and not the female bonding -that it goes back to early childhood idealizing the father and that they act this out with latent homosexuality rather than overt stuff like being gay. My ex N was so freaking complicated psychologically even though he appeared as just a simple goofy jock guy - not. Scoop - so happy for you that you have a sense of humor about this and are getting the answers you need before your get emotionally hooked! Toenailgate! Love it!. Thanks for making me smile! It is a great reminder to all of us to not get seduced by the excitement of money or power or title...which often makes us want to over look the serious red flags...

ah, well sorry it didn't pan out....but at least you found out now:) You can be "Lady Scoop" of this board tho!

shucks, I thought i would be going with you to the royal wedding!? f you find a decent man , send me his brother, I am giving up, just had another dud coffee date yesterday with a guy who couldn't have the common manners to even buy me a coffee. WHERE are all the good guys???