New here! Lots of ?'s please do tell.

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#1 Aug 22 - 6PM

Hereforme

New here! Lots of ?'s please do tell.

I have a lifetime narc men! Father, brothers, uncles, teen boy-freinds, husband of 23years...then a divorce 10 years ago. Been doing my emotional and spriritual healing work all this time. It took me 4 years to begin dating after divorce. Then proceeded to be with 4 more narcs!!! What did I learn? 1-short term few weeks, 2nd same thing, then 3rd off and on for 4 years...That one nearly killed me. I put up with so much because I thought I LOVED HIM...not now! I went through cancer during time with him, homeless, bankruptcy, hell basically.
Finally got it (I thought). I did lots of healing about narc men and have had NC with the 3rd one for 6 months. Haven't seen him face to face for a year. THEN about 3 months ago I went online, felt healed and all that jazz, met someone I new before so doubly thought he was for real. We had a 2 month relationship and I started seeing the warning signs! We broke up 3 weeks ago. He started doing the D&D thing. Non communication...etc. I knew I was going to end it. He was suppose to call me, didn't then I found him online on the same dating site we met on. He didn't have the decency to end it with me first! I wrote him an email ending it CLOSURE and telling him "basically" what a jerk he was. (I know this fell on deaf ears as reading and learning here.) Now I have received 3 emails from him, nasty, short, ranting about how much money he spent on me, wanting his "property" back. His property consisted of bathroom toiletries and dog chews for his dog. I threw them all away.
He luckily lives 2 and a half hours away. He GAVE me as gifts throughout the short time with him, a cell phone, earrings, a room fan, iPad accessory, small stuff. His last 3 emails were without empathy, full of entitlement, nasty, and now somehow...HE IS THE POOR VICTIM!?! Yep, a narc at very least. He threatened to call the police on me and press charges for his "property". I have been watching him online on that dating site to try to know what kind of a nut I am dealing with...Sociopath...Narc...etc. He changed so suddenly I saw a Jekhyll/Hyde before my eyes. I have been very afraid of him. He was on that site 3 weeks HOURS AND hours a day all hours of the night, desperate for sure!...Now he has found another woman to play as he is not on it for a few days now.

Trying to get to the point. When I emailed him with "closure" my last thing was to tell him "Do not contact me again". He has now emailed me with this petty stuff 3 times. I have NOT responded.

So FIRST question is...do I email him back and say ...look all your "property" which was a tooth brush, paste, comb, etc and dog chews were thrown away... All other things were gifts to me , etc and tell him now and again...Do not contact me again or I will call the police and press harassment charges. Or...? Ignore it...change my email address so he can't contact me, I already blocked my phone number, blocked him, his friends and family on Facebook...

What do you all think? I am in my 50's so is he. You would think people would know better...a man his age should. But I think now they are narcs till they die.

Thank you for reading and any ideas or experiences you could share are appreciated!!!

#2 Aug 23 - 12AM

Sunafterrain

WOW!

You've been through the ringer!!! GOOD FOR YOU in seeing what he was so soon and cutting it off!! I want to say something about this: I get the empath thing. It's almost annoying to me. My daughter is too. Evil can pick out good ANYWHERE. It can also disguise itself incredibly well. YOU have proven that in that even a PROFESSIONAL therapist DID NOT see it! BUT, if you keep your eyes open, as you have, you'll spot it soon enough and be able to dump it equally as fast. So many are not fortunate enough to understand the red flags. These guys are so good (not all, but some of them, my ex was on a dating website and caught his next RICH victim and nailed her to the altar a few months after meeting), that they can and do, fool professionals. It's when you're getting INTO the relationship and you ARE knowledgeable about psychopathy that you SEE it. I think this is GREAT! Your story encourages me for those who are dating. I'm not in that club. I'm tired just reading your post. I also think that online dating sites are predatory heaven for psychopaths and potential hell for victims. They are incredibly dangerous and I wouldn't go near one to save my ass! Again, good for you for spotting it so early and good luck in your future with finding yourself a GOOD man.

#3 Aug 23 - 12AM

driftingsister

NC!

No contact love, he is enjoying getting reactions from you. He feeds off of it, I am in the middle of getting a harrasment order against my ex, he already has a new girlfriend too and we've only been broken up 3 weeks. Dating sites is where he has met her most probably and it hurts, but we have to learn that they have no conscience, they don't care about anyone but themselves.... Don't email him back!

#4 Aug 22 - 8PM

Hunter

If you give him his

If you give him his toothbrush back, make sure you soak it in the toilet first. :) NC means NC. He doesn't want his things back they are there to control and harass you. DELETE

#5 Aug 22 - 9PM (Reply to #21)

Hereforme

Actually...

Right! I said no contact and he has continued these demanding, threatening, etc...you get the picture...type of emails (3 now) to upset and draw me back in...I have not responded! Yay for me! That is why I wondered if I should email back with DO NOT CONTACT ME...etc. And tell him I threw it all away. I threw away all his stuff the day (3 weeks ago or more) I found him online on a dating site...we hadn't broken up yet! So...ACTUALLY I thought of peeing on it first IF I did send it back! :) No...would not do that. But enjoyed the thought! Gotta laugh about something here!!! Thanks Hunter!

#6 Aug 22 - 8PM

58 and going strong

Hereforme, welcome to the

Hereforme, welcome to the club of special-mastermind-narc victims! I'm 58 and I just went through a 4-week dating with the smothest and sickest and slickest N I ever met . . . Sent him an e-mail to never ever come close to me or my family again, and let him know that a copy was going to my lawyer. (Didn't say which lawyer, but still going through divorce from NH.) That message was strong enough. As he stole some silver from my house (I'm thinking meanwhile that it was not even meant to be stolen, but to add to his gaslighting to drive me crazy and prove me nuts and lying or not to be believable, as his 'hidden agenda' was going for my 5-year old granddaughter) I also involved the police. They advised to let the dating website know that this man is dangerous. Guess what, they said they'd 'watch' his activities, and he is still on there. . . There is a website http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/home/ I am aware that this site is controversial, but it prevented me from a first meeting with a serious N/drug addicted doctor here in my town a few months ago. So I posted my 'soulmates' name there. A little more than 4 weeks, and he had 80+ views now. That tells me lots of other women are looking him up. After 2 weeks I decided to also post the other N I had dated early this year for a few weeks, and he has 56 views by today. I see posting their names as a tiny tool to help prevent other women from going through a lot of pain. . . while afraid from what I read here that there are soooooo many more abusers out there.--- I just found out that my story also started with my father and the childhood conditioning I underwent. Someone posted this a while ago here: http://www.drpatallen.com/EXC-goodwomen.shtml Found that very helpful, especially the dating exercise at the end. So keep reading and learning all you can, and keep coming here and ask all your questions so we can all learn from you and support each other during the rough moments. Big welcome hug!

#7 Aug 22 - 9PM (Reply to #16)

Hereforme

to 58 and going strong!

Thank you for your reply, input and ideas! How dangerous do they have to be to warn a dating website? Does the don't date him girl site actually let you post who he is and what he did and beware of him type of posts? When I was with #3narc I was obsessed with finding the OW. I wanted to warn them and I wanted stop him from succeeding in his attempt to use and exploit. I got over him and that going going going merry go round of mind games with myself! Then met this #4. I AM doing so much better, recognized it within weeks, got out, but I still am hurt, and outraged! NO CONTACT! I have found myself going into my "hiding" mode. Scared when the phone rings, (even though I blocked his #) afraid to look at email. That is the next thing to do. Change my email... I will look at the site you posted. Thank you so much for your response!

#8 Aug 22 - 11PM (Reply to #17)

58 and going strong

Hereforme, the don't date him

Hereforme, the don't date him girl website is open for everyone to look up names. If you want to post someone you have to sign in. Some posts are very drastic, yet, I found it helpful. Glad to see you got out soon from the last one. Same here, so not a lot of emotional bonding yet. But same as you - disbelief that it happened again, hurt for being so badly deceived, and anger about my own totally irrational actions . . . So we better forgive ourselves and move on! This is a very helpful site for me, and I hope for you too!

#9 Aug 23 - 1AM (Reply to #18)

Hereforme

Thank you 58 and going strong...

Yes on many things you said, I got out soon, but in disbelief....for being so deceived...etc. What you said! yes.... I do recognize it ...moving on...ouch. My question is "What is the future?" Are there really good men? I don't want to be on a site that is anti-men totally! Where is the positive, devoid of anger, posts and discussions about the good men we have found? Just wondering.... Forgive me I am new here today! Thank you!

#10 Aug 23 - 2AM (Reply to #19)

Journey

Welcome Hereforme

Good for you for recognizing the red flags and taking action right away to stop your involvement! Don't worry, this site is not anti any gender, just anti narc and disordered individuals. Members here are both men and women... "Where is the positive, devoid of anger, posts and discussions about the good men we have found?" - Try looking in the Steps 4-6 forum for threads about being further along in recovery. That is the forum where survivors who have moved on are more likely to come back to post their 'success' stories and help encourage others by sharing their experience. Thing is, many members, especially in the Steps 1-3 forum are in very early stages of healing so you will find many threads expressing the anger, confusion and pain. It ain't always pretty, but getting it out is necessary :)

Journey on...

#11 Aug 22 - 7PM

onwithmylife

Hereforme

these creeps are all the same, my narc said to me when I asked for equality, "what a waste of time and money' along with other horrible things,my advice do not contact him, no contact will help heal you faster. best of luck.These assholes never give you closure, 15 years with him ,there for major operations, think he could meet me one last time for closure, heavens no, he would be doing something for me.

#12 Aug 22 - 7PM (Reply to #14)

Hereforme

Thank you onwithmylife!

I appreciate getting the same feedback here with nc at all and I will not email him. Even though I wrote out a heck of a gotcha by the balls, my Irish banshee will be after ya' letter. It was therapudic, as I just wrote and rewrote and did not send. It felt good to tell him off! Thank you!

#13 Aug 22 - 7PM

Sparrow

They are narcs until they

They are narcs until they die! That you are correct on. Your best bet is to NOT email him. Sara is right, it is supply. You are taking all the right steps to get away from him. Hopefully you have broken contact with all these horrible men in your life past and present. Read everything you can on this disorder. You will find so much of the information extremely helpful. Read and write on the forum as much as possible too. Are you currently seeing a therapist?

#14 Aug 22 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

Hereforme

Sparrow...

Yes. Currently seeing a therapist who is a good friend as well. She met him on two occasions and thought he was a good match for me. She was floored when I told her all that happened in the last few weeks. She said, "Well all I can say is he is one of the best of the best!" (Player, actor, narc OR Sociopath?) She was shocked. I won't email him. Thank you for your input here. Yes, all contact with all these men are broken. Dad died. Ex-husband no contact in 10 years since divorce. 1,2,3, and now 4. NC!!! But I keep attracting them and falling for them. I saw where Lisa posted something about finding out she was an empath?...I believe this to be true about me too. SO sensitive my whole life...intuitive to the point others think I am psychic... I want to know more about this. Thanks!

#15 Aug 22 - 7PM (Reply to #12)

Sparrow

hereforme

Glad to hear it! I heard a term the other day that suits me well, "emotionally generous"......Describes me to a tee, as well as everyone on this forum I am sure! You will find this forum very informative and everyone on here very helpful. Good luck on your journey. Stay NC and educate yourself. Knowledge is power!!

#16 Aug 22 - 6PM

sara-smile

Hereforme

WELCOME!! The answer to your question is NO do not email him and tell him a thing. That is supply and he will be thrilled! No matter what you say good, bad or ugly is supply and they love it because they are stupid! :) YES! Change your email address! If you don't have to hear from him you won't be tempted. Listening to their BS and lies makes things so much harder! Sounds like you are well on your way by blocking him on your cell phone and FB! GOOD JOB! Good luck and I'm glad you found this site. It's a lifesaver!

#17 Aug 22 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

Hereforme

Thank you sara-smile!

Yes, I agree, that is what I have been learning here on this site I just found yesterday! I was on it all day reading and learning and seeing that my story is so much the same as others with narcs! Down to the word for word bs they expound to us during the hunt...I read these on Narcspeak. I was leaning in this direction but it sure is hard not to tell them off with all the Irish I have! Yes, he knows he has no legal leg to stand on. It's purely just his narc ego trying to power trip on me. That is my gut feeling. The only other way he could contact me is through the old US Mail/Post office. Can a person still put RTS on a letter and it will be returned to them? (Return to Sender) Thanks again!

#18 Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #9)

Hope

Dating Web Sites...

I would stay away from those sites, just my opinion, 99% of the people on there have issues...just my two cents.

#19 Aug 22 - 9PM (Reply to #7)

sara-smile

hereforme

I'm Irish too! LOL!! You are new here so you probably haven't read the hundreds of raging posts I have on this site. I do really well with NC and then he pisses me off so bad that I turn into a psycho lunatic and I can't keep my mouth shut. I am FINALLY getting better at it but it is SO DAMN HARD! You can RTS but he's probably too stupid to actually mail a letter from the post office! LOL!

#20 Aug 23 - 1AM (Reply to #8)

Hereforme

sara-smile! thanks....

He was just retired from the post office...big job...in charge of 163 in our state and area. We will see if he sends through USpost mail. I know what I will do! SO funny you said this!!!! Everything you said...the Irish in me wants to give it to him but the peace in me wants to let it go and be calm. Thank you ...keep me in the loop please.

#21 Aug 22 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

sara-smile

hereforme

One more thing.....let him call the police! They will laugh at how stupid he is! Who calls the police over dog toys and a toothbrush? Narcs are idiots! :)

#22 Aug 22 - 7PM (Reply to #3)

Hereforme

LOL LOL LOL yes...he's nuts!

Right!That was one thing I wanted to include in my email to him was "how absurd it was to threaten me with that bs. I know the authorities don't bother with minor break up nonsense as this! It was a good laugh though!" As my emotions are calming down I can see the intimidation and that he is just trying to draw me back into a scenario here. Just saying things, absurd things to piss me off! BUT I have also begun to think he is an alcoholic and they are usually emotionally not in reality as well. Thank you!

#23 Aug 22 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

Redhead1

My daughter has taught me a

My daughter has taught me a good rule of thumb on the empath thing. Its a very good trait to have, but don't waste it! There are so many great people out there to have relationships with. The signs of a narc/abuser are taught on this forum. I have learn them now and when red flags start popping up on a continuous basis (I am trying not to be jaded), I turn my empath back to me. Don't waste your love on unappreciative people. There are so many disfunctional people in our world. They are going to be attracted to you, you have something they want and they will never have. Just watch for the red flags. You are a magnet for these creeps. Cut them off before they start.

#24 Aug 22 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

Hereforme

Redhead1...

...thank you. Very wise words here.I will keep listening, reading and learning. Why are we a magnet for these creeps? I have noticed in my life I have had female friends that are toxic as well sucking out my life's blood, so to speak. I can cut them off and walk away much easier though. Also, please share with me some of your red flags? THANK YOU for your input. I am really needing the info and validation right now. PS- So your daughter is an empath too? Seems true here too with me and my daughter. As... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! :)

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