new here and need advice

The "winning " comes with youre silence . All he wants is to hover you back in order to get more supply form you , its a sick little game and im glad you have worked it out . A big welcome to the board , Scoop x

Don't answer... he's fishing to have the last word is all. Don't let him have it, it's hard, but it will be better for you if the last words were whatever you said a week ago when you decided it was done and went NC. He knows this and there is no reason for his email today except to take your power away from you. He can't stand that you are ignoring him. He wants to be the one to say it is done and if you break down and give him the chance he will strip you of what little power you feel now after being the one who chose to walk away. Don't be surprised if by not replying he turns around and says it anyway, more angry and abusive because you made it harder for him to have power over you by staying no contact. You can do it!! You know you are done and have had enough of his abuse, it is time to begin healing... be strong!! (hugs)

Break your own record. Do not respond to his txts, email, calls, nothing. Do not talk to him, stay away. Like you said HE IS ABUSIVE. Do NOT stay with someone who desires to destroy you..it is a waste of yourself, a waste of time. When you respond, you are telling them " I am interested in you, I want a relationship, I want to discuss this." You need to have your decision firmly made. I am NOT going to tolerate this behavior. They cheat, lie, condescend, hurt, brainwash, they are DISORDERED. Go through the struggle. Stay away.

but it is early days for you, so you are still in alot of pain. Because underneath you still love him dearly, and you long to have his touch, and long to hear from him. Its all perfectly normal to feel this way, but it is also very stressful and heartbreaking. The only way I found to help me was to look deep within me. What was my 'gut feeling sayin' How do I feel physcially when I hear from him. In my case I felt sick and scared, every time I knew he was coming over or even on his way home. My heart would race when I heard his car, and I would wonder what mood he would be in. I didn't want to talk to him, because I knew he would talk about the other women, and the pain that caused me, was horrendeous. It is really all about YOU now and what YOU want. What do you want? Do you want to feel free? Do you want your headaches to stop? Do you want to feel safe? Do you want to stop crying? It doesn't matter about answereing his question as to whether you loved him or not, he doesn't really care, he just wants contact. I agree with everyone else the only contact you should have with him, is 'Silent contact' DOn't play his games, and he will stop contacting you. hang in there and take care.

Mine played the exact same game. It's a manipulation from the first word. My ex narc would also say he was crying and couldn't say goodbye to me. He knew who I was and what we had together. So I kept taking him back, accepting his apologies, excuses to see me and invitations to lunch or dinner that would suck me back into the blackhole again. I must have really given him a Narc high because he kept this up for over three years. I finally gave up after researching narcs and him treating me like a whore. Call me if you want me to come over and "bang" you. No love left for him to act out in my company. The OW is getting the hearts and flowers treatment now, but he still sends emails and texts acting like we are friends. I don't respond. "F" HIM!! I have no desire to be friends with a jerk like him and why would I want to set myself up to listen to his whining and drama as a "friend" when it was bad enough while we were together? No thanks. Stay no contact. It doesn't matter anymore whether you look like a bitch. You know the truth. He is only saying that to manipulate and get some supply. Don't give it to him. Give him the sweetest narc injury with NC.

I have been in your place so many times before. I used to tell my friends " I just don't want our last conversation to be ugly". And we would have a final talk, and another and another email, call, text. I was a fool. With mine it could only be ugly. He is a cruel selfish manipulator. If it ended on a" kind note" it never ended. He keep stringing me along!! And he still would be. A very wise girlfriend said " you could be doing this (mess) forever." I had to pull myself out of the game. I had to do it many times bc I kept getting sucked back in. If it ends kindly it never ends and then they keep using you. Do you really care what he thinks of you? Good luck. I know it's so hard but NC is the best way.

IDENTICAL to what has been written to me. Wow. Except he included a "I will do what ever you want" I answered, lovingly and included "our song" It has been 4days now. No answer. They all write and say the exact same shit..........I continue to be amazed. (and heart broken)

You are right there is NO winning if you are with this man, but there is if your not. Remain silent and don't answer him. You will be the winner Best wishes, Ruby