New Book and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy..THOUGHTS!!

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#1 Nov 18 - 12PM

whatever2009

New Book and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy..THOUGHTS!!

Okay, so today I woke up and thought OMG NO MORE! I honestly cant understand why I stayed so long and why I turned a blinded eye FOREVER. Its totally embarrassing...jeez if he had any friends he would be able to tell quite the story. lol.

Anyway, I bought THE EMOTIONALLY ABUSED WOMAN, and registered for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy...Im just waiting for a call back. Thankfully my job covers $1000 per calender yr, which will only be approx - 10 sessions, but at this point I will take it. Ive also done a 6months of counceling...so I know what my issues are, now its about raising my self esteem and getting him outta my head!!!!!

However, my mom the alcoholic and my dad the N are still in my life, Ive learned how to handle them through my previous therapy altho, Im still quite damaged through the years of mental/emotional/some physical abuse. Ive become so much more strong/assertive with them, (they actually tiptoe around me sometimes).

What I hope to gain from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is better self esteem and learning im better then who raised me and that one day I will be lovable. Has anyone done CBT??
Any thoughts on it??

Im actually nervous yet excited, im also very scared that if for some reason this doesnt work I will be screwed forever. I love my kids more then anything in this world, and I have an amazing set of girlfriends. I need to this to work!!

#2 Nov 24 - 9AM

whatever2009

A few questions regarding cognitive behavioral therapy...

Im really looking forward to my appt on Monday! But Im also very nervous... Ive googled the definition of CBT, but Im unclear. Is it too change your way thinking? Does it help in raising self esteem as well? If anyone could give me there experiences I would appreciate it. thx.

#3 Nov 24 - 1PM (Reply to #11)

Barbara (not verified)

CBT

CBT took a long time but worked well for me overall. it is to EXPLORE what happened and your thoughts about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

#4 Nov 18 - 1PM

4joys4

You are lovable right now.

You are lovable right now. You just have to let it sink in and believe it. I wish you luck in your new therapy. It will be fine. You get out what you put in.

#5 Nov 18 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

whatever

CBT helped me a LOT - but I needed YEARS of it. As long as you are honest about your thoughts with the therapist, they will be able to help. Hopefully you will get one that GETS it about pathology and maybe even helps with some meds for the anxiety you're having ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#6 Nov 18 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

whatever2009

honest.

Thanks Barbara! When you say honest do you mean basically telling them, I stayed in this relationship so long because im afraid of being abandoned? Im afraid of being alone? Im afraid im not good enough? My childhood and this relationship has given me really low self esteem. I figured at least being #1 in the N's life was better then not being in anyones life. I became obsessed with checking his fb, his myspace (I had the passwords...he had no idea) When I went over there I was checking his drawers his phone...I became the pyscho. These are the reason I think. Im on the right track I hope.

#7 Nov 18 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

whatever

When you say honest do you mean basically telling them, I stayed in this relationship so long because im afraid of being abandoned? Im afraid of being alone? Im afraid im not good enough? and that you're depressed, anxious, still addicted to tim, low self-esteem... etc. YES!! You did NOT NOT NOT become the psycho- you had a NORMAL reaction to an ABNORMAL person. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#8 Nov 18 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

whatever2009

got it!

My first appt is Nov 30. Im excited. and I love this... You did NOT NOT NOT become the psycho- you had a NORMAL reaction to an ABNORMAL person. The addiction to abuse amazes me.

#9 Nov 18 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

nope

you are NOT 'addicted to abuse' he HYPNOTIZED & BRAINWASHED you and you need to DEPROGRAM time to read WWLP again! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#10 Nov 19 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

whatever2009

question...

I found through a lot of thinking, that the majority of the time I went to his house on the weekends was to ensure no other girl was there. So I would stay there so he couldnt do what we did with anyone else. I lived in constant fear of him sharing our "special" things with someone else. Is that him? or me?

#11 Nov 19 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

cassiemay

question and other

Hey Whatever! I am only on here occasionally anymore, but saw your post. I was/am a cognitive behavior therapist. It is an excellent approach to much of which we are dealing. It's all about changing how you think and what you "tell" yourself. And challenging the self-defeating thoughts with more rational and accurate statements. When you can change your thinking you can change your feelings. It takes some work, but well worth it. Regarding is it him or me? I'd say, at this point it's you who continues to do it. Yes, he may have done things to fuel your jealousy and efforts to control what happens, but you don't Have To do that in response. That is under your control entirely. If you can learn to let go you will feel better and anyway, does it actually do any good when you do it? Does it really help you feel more secure than for the weekend you are there? And what might be the costs to you for doing it? Good luck with your new approach. Don't be scared at all. CM c

#12 Nov 19 - 2PM (Reply to #9)

whatever2009

Thanks!

HeY CM!!! I want NOTHING more then to change my way of thinking. Boost my selfesteem/self worth, and get over the past. Or at least learn it was never my fault. I just want to be strong again/confident again....I want it so bad. So I was hoping the CBT would be my chance at some help. In answering your questions, when I would stay there I felt like a chump. A babysitter, pathetic and needy. I felt I was on call. I felt darn right stupid. I was just his puppet, whether he knew it or not....I did, I guess I was always trying to turn the bad guy into MY good guy....be the fixer, make him see I was worth it. Thanks for your well wishes...I plan on making this CBT my savior!!! Im scared, but really hopeful at the same time. xo

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