neveragain5's Story
neveragain5's Story
I am not how many interactions I have had with Ns, but I am sure that it has been more than I would like.
Every one of my boyfriends, with the exception of 2 has had these tendencies. I have had bosses with these tendencies as well. It wasn't until my last interaction with the most obvious signs, did I research and discovery exactly what I was seeing.
It started 6 years ago; I was fresh out of a relationship that had ended, by all intents and purposes, a year prior. I met a guy through a friend that I was physically attracted to. At this time, I wasn't thinking of marriage or settling down. He had a daughter and had "issues†with his ex. Little did I know that his ex was either sociopathic or N, I'm not sure which.
My advocacy has always been for children and animals and this man's daughter was in a bad position. One thing led to another and this man and I ended up moving in together. I don’t know for sure if he was an N, but the relationship was not a healthy one. He drank heavily, intermitted and smoked a ton of pot. He left me alone a lot and would be gone for hours and hours, without calling. He would flirt with women right in front of me and didn’t care how I felt about it. Long story short, the stress from four and 1/2 years of living hell, not only with him, but also his daughter, his ex, both his brothers and his mom, left me exhausted.
Shortly after we broke up, I went to work for someone that I think was an N. During this time, I was exhausted all of the time and trying to date online, because I never had enough energy to go out. I started to see these same N signs through some of the people that I would talk to via email or phone. Most of them preferred to "talk" via text or email. Intermittent contact, calling me "beautiful" or "gorgeous", (yuck!). Needless to say, most of my dates were "one and dones". :) I just kept thinking, "Man, there are a lot of jerks out there", until I met this last one.
He was working on my relative's house because they are doing a remodel. I met him about 7 months ago and didn't think anything of it. First, I thought he was too young for me. My relative told me that he had asked about me and that they didn't think that he was as young as I thought. I saw him for months and barely talked to him. One day, he was working outside and got some sawdust on my car. He apologized and I said, "Don’t worry about it". He then took a hose and washed it off. This was where he first "hooked" me.
So months and months went by and he didn't approach me. We finally had a conversation around Thanksgiving and I found out that we had similar outlooks on life and that he was only 1 year younger than me. After the holidays, I didn't see him for about 3 weeks and then he approached me and asked me for my number. That's where the fun began!
He asked me out in a totally obnoxious way and I basically told him to "go to hell". He then proceeded to apologize and said that he was "a little rusty" in his female interactions because he hadn't dated in 3 years. He said that he wanted to wait to date the "right girl". I am not disbelieving in this statement. I know that he has definitely "hit" on girls in the last 3 years. I think that he knows there is something very wrong with him. He even told me as much and I believe that he struggles with it. He told me about his past and his sociopathic father and how he grew up exposed to porn. His mom was apparently very verbally abusive and his family was extremely dysfunctional. Of course me being me thought, "Poor guy! He's extremely functional for going through all of this". Yeah, right!
The push to commit and the "I love You's" came immediately. I was extremely skeptical, but everybody said, "He's such a great guy!â€
We had very concentrated weekends together. We didn't leave the house and stayed in bed all day. In the past, I had not had sex with someone so fast. I was definitely under his spell. He had an erection almost immediately after we had sex, all day and all night and he ejaculated every time. It was an amazing experience, almost euphoric. What was that? Viagra?!! He seemed really excited during sex, almost like a teenager during his first time. But, the first time we got intimate, he was having problems with his erection.
Every time I spent these weekends with him, I would immediately try to break things off. As soon as he left, I would start to think about some of the strange things that he would do or say. He would fly into a rage when I would try to end things and would yell at me and tell me that I was accusing him of things that simply weren’t true. I KNEW they were true, I heard them! He only talked about himself all the time and kept talking about how he wanted me to move away and come live where he lived. He also wanted me to become involved in every aspect of his life. He kept talking about marriage and having kids. I’m pretty sure that he wanted to get me pregnant. I just kept telling him, “What’s the rush? Can’t we take time to figure out if we’re compatible?â€
This went on for 2 months. I must have tried to break it off like 10 or 12 times. He came up to my parents for a weekend about a month ago. My nephews were up there with us. He acted like a spoiled brat all weekend and complained that we didn’t get any time together. My mom and I were taking care of my nephews, which is a high energy, full time job. He had little interaction with my nephews, had no interest in talking to my parents and also showed no interest in my parents rescue animals. My mom and dad did not like him and at that point, I knew that it had to end.
I think that the point has been reached where he is okay with us ending things, (I am too difficult for him). He is working on my relative’s house for the next week or two. I have made arrangements to not be there during that time and I am hoping that he will move on to his next “sourceâ€.
I am thankful for having figured out what I was seeing. I have been confused by the actions of these types of people for years and it helps to have a support group that understands. I am in hopes that going forward, I can use this knowledge to avoid interacting with these types of people and have develop healthy, interdependent relationships instead.
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