Need a little more encourgament, feeling a little down today!!!!

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jul 19 - 10AM
imdone
imdone's picture

Need a little more encourgament, feeling a little down today!!!!

My day started off very sad and aggervating. Don't know if I'm PMSing or what but I had a moment today. I cried about how I felt and what he has done to me. It still hurts. Its not the same as it was before but I'm not as over it as I thought I was. I hate how I feel at times but I love being able to feel. I can't wait for the day to come when it doesn't bother me and he is a memory. I am getting better, but I realize that I need to deal with my feelings a little more. I just talked with a friend of mine about what I have been through and she understood and empthasied with me, that really made me feel better.

I am so happy that I have not given in to breaking NC. I think about how hard it is now and how much harder it wil be if I did. I need to stay focus and contiune to pray. I was told there would be days like this...

Jul 19 - 8PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think I must be weired,

but I used to cry a lot when I was in the relationship and I haven't shed a tear now that I'm out.
Jul 19 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Ruby

Me too!! I used to cry all the time in the relationship! Not anymore. I literally cannot cry over him- ive tried- there are no tears. The only time i cry now Is out of frustration at my situation. Definately not over him!
Jul 19 - 7PM
whoknew
whoknew's picture

i cry all the time

when i first left him and had no idea what had happened i literally couldnt get out of bed for days and sobbed!!! it has been 4 long months for me. i cry all the time and had a meltdown a few days ago but it is starting to become less and less as my eyes are becoming more open to what he really is! and i have noticed that when i cry now, it doesnt have the same lasting effect on me that it used to. before i would cry and then be down for the rest of the day but now i cry and feel sad for a little bit but it doesnt hold me down for the rest of the day. i dont know how you feel about prayer but it has helped me alot! Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak & to those who have no might He increases strength!
Jul 19 - 12PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Thanks

for sharing your feelings here, what a great day it is when we feel pain and don't have to act out with the narc...I call that huge huge progress. NC works so well, keeps their chaos and abuse away from our healing and recovery. You have a friend to share with, and you have us cyber pals to cry and laugh and bitch with. I am glad when I hear a fellow member mention prayer, because I use a higher power in my recovery, and I garner lots of strength and wisdom from my spiritual connection. It isn't personal with a narc, they will use and abuse anybody, thats what complete selfishness and darkness does, it tries to block the light. But when illumination comes, darkness vanishes, completely. I am loving the light/darkness analogy, it is really taking hold inside of me. I need do nothing except expose all of the darkness inside of me to the light, and the darkness is gone, what a concept. My exwn used to be such a presence in my head, I couldn't shake it off no matter what I tried, it was too powerful and had a firm grip on me. That isn't the case anymore, thank God. She is becoming more like an occassional flicker, to be cast out with the power of God's presence, which is light and love. Thank you for sharing your powerful awesome days experience with us here. ds
Jul 19 - 12PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

I cried today too, just when

I cried today too, just when i was feeling stronger. I cried and sobbed, as I was going through all the wedding photos on my computer. I had selcted the best last year when it happened, to send to family, it was the most beautiful day and everyone commented the best wedding they 'd ever been to. But now knowing what he was as i edited, I saw that in almost every photo he closed his eyes so as not to be discovered, his narc eyes were there, and a few sneers. The most telling one is the one where I'm signing the register and he has turned his back and looking out the window. I guess his face would have been a giveaway. I cried for my lost innocence, I cried for all he robbed from me. I cried because i knew in all those golden moments, I was alone. The healing is so lonely, just like most of the relationship was. Im with you, I feel for you. There will be happy days again. Im going to print that photo out to remind me.
Jul 19 - 11AM
spinning
spinning's picture

im done, what you are feeling

is so totally normal in this process. You were hurt. It was real to you. You are allowed to feel the pain inflicted upon you. Like Vilde says, it is good to feel the pain. Let it out. Cry those tears. You are still in the early stages of recovery and you are doing very well. You listen to what is going on inside of you and you attempt to find a resolution to it. That is a huge sign of strength. You are also smart enough and self-caring enough to not break NC. To do so is to have a hand in your own suffering. I'm so glad you know this! That's excellent and something to feel good about. When I have those sad, tearful moments where I feel so wounded I realize I am not crying about the disordered one, I am crying for the person inside of me who feels lost and wounded. I hope this doesn't sound strange, but I tell her I won't let that happen again and will take better care of her/me from now on. Bottom line is you were hurt and you are allowed to feel it. It won't last forever. You acknowledge your pain, let it out and realize once it's out it will be gone. Im done, you were duped by a user. You were treated poorly and it's not okay with you. It feels bad and it hurts. But you have CHOSEN to step out of the abuse and deception. That is something to feel good about. Each day of NC you put behind you, the more you process, the less days like this you'll have. As you know, it's a process and it takes time. You've done EXCELLENT. Keep praying and keep your head held high. Your life changed drastically in a short period of time and you were blindsided, so it's normal to feel off-kilter. Be patient with yourself and continue to let it out and let go. Great things are in store for you. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NO WAY. NEVER AGAIN!!

spinning

Jul 19 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
imdone
imdone's picture

Thanks, I really needed the

Thanks, I really needed the encouragement. This board really has helped me through some rough times and I greatful that I found you guys. I'm not holding back and I feel better when I cry and let it out. I'm just waiting on the day when it doesnt bother me at all.