Need encouragement tonight, please

Hi, I don't know what good my help is, but I'm going to try. You have to understand that there is nothing any person can do to deserve that kind of behavior. You're only mistake was letting him do these things to you, and continuing to let him get to you. It's amazing how they still abuse you at a distance. It's sickening, I know, to think of him with someone else, but you have to focus and really ask yourself why you think he would be any different with her? Of course he'll charm her, but you know better that anyone what's coming. Try to imagine a girlfriend, or a sister telling you this same story. What would be your advice for her? You have to remember your worth. You didn't do anything to cause this. My guess is that at some point you stopped being compliant. Maybe called him out on bad behavior. I don't know all the details, but I bet that happened. What that means is that you still have some sense of self. And that's what sparks these reactions in him. They, Ns, don't like to be called out on their bad behavior - the lying, cheating, abusive words, actions, etc. They want you to accept it and be quiet, compliant. But even then you won't win because eventually they lose respect for you for being that way! For being weak! It's sick and you have to keep telling yourself that this is not what a healthy loving relationship is. Spend a little time thinking about the kind of person you want in your life. I know it's hard, and the feelings and pain is gut wrenching. Utterly gut wrenching. But your mind will play games on you and you will remember things very differently from what they actually were and you'll sit wishing for those good times again when they never really existed. The good is fake, and fleeting. I guarantee you. I think you commented on my email - I posted the New Here. If you need to dwell on what you did wrong, it was allowing this. It was not thinking enough of yourself to walk away and never look back the FIRST time his true colors were displayed. Take care of yourself. Read, walk, shop...whatever you need to do - do it and try to start stringing good days together - or even hours. You deserve it.

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. Even though it's hard you have to stop beating yourself up. I'm also trying not to get down on myself for getting involved with my psycho. Do not even think of him with the ow. He may be treating her nice now but before long his true evil self with surface and maybe she's the one that won't be lucky enough to leave with her life. You are a beautiful lady, don't let the psycho take your life away.

Who cares what he says! Obviously HE's the psycho because he can't keep his thoughts straight. He's projecting. And inserting more toxic bombs in your brain that will go off when you're alone and weak... so he is REMOTELY controlling you. Typical hypnosis of the Narc. NO CONTACT. Take a bubble bath Rearrange your furniture. Do some online shopping. And make a list with 2 columns: Good N and Bad N. I guarantee the BAD will be the longer column. Then put it on your bathroom mirror where you can read it everyday!!!!! BUT DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Please consider short term therapy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Aww, jodie...I am so sorry. Your N was one sick bastard, I am so glad you are away from him. I don't have any poetic words of wisdom, a lot of times that stuff doesn't work for me. When I get nostalgic about my ex, I read the bad emails, the bad stuff in my journal, the thoughts I had about the mental stress I was constantly under...and I minimize him to this tiny, pathetic, disgusting little 'blob'. Then I think about how I feel pretty good about myself for being able to defeat the 'blob' (sounds like a movie!). That in order to do that, we must be some kind of kick-ass kind of women to pick ourselves up off the floor - where they left us - and not only leave them in the dust, but go on to thrive without them. They have been defeated. They couldn't keep us in their snare for as long as they wanted us. They wonder...why isn't she calling me back, they are occupied with thoughts of us. How could she not want me?? We throw them off kilter. Call me bitter, but man...I love that thought. Him worrying or wondering about me...even if it's just a little bit. Hey, how does it feel, idiot?? Then I go on KNOWING that I must be a special woman for coming out of the ashes as I have. He would never in a million years be able to do that. I think of another man down the road. He actually asks me why I look sad? I tell him. What? He doesn't tell me to SUCK IT UP? He says he's so sorry I had a bad day, is there anything I can do? I say...errr...just keep being this way!!? He smiles and is happy. Because he knows he has a good woman, a woman who is strong and overcame some pretty serious heartache in her life. A man who feels lucky because he has a woman who is kind, caring, and loving....she never lost those qualities, she is just putting them to much better use now. Life is suddenly easy. Hope your weekend gets better hon...hang in there!