NC has been broken due to tomfoolery

and ofcourse I am upset with myself..

the EXN is asking around to see if I am going to this party on Saturday.
Yes I am going..

Why is it his concern? right?

He asked a mutual friend we have and she told me about it and I listened (insert NC breaking foot up my arse)

He asked my friend (which introduced me to him) is SHE going on saturday as I really want to go BUT I don't want to bump into anyone I don't want to see or feel awkward around?

She replied to him .. UM if the relationship ended in a mature way, then what is the problem? You both have the same circle of friends, if you don't bump into her on Sat you might bump into her somwhere else? WHat is the big deal?

His response was

"yeah. it was a rough time for me when i dated her. i could not live like that.. and no support whatsoever from my family. the whole divorced and 2 kids deal...so, after much stressing, i disbanded. it was best for me. she came over once, and never again. oh well. we move on. i have some things in the works. lol. i still believe my half orange is out there somewhere. do you know if she will be attending ? i obviously will try to go with someone, but i just wanted to know...i hope to see you soon. I love you very much... have a great week. "

I love it..

Ok..

We broke up b/c of his mom.. SHe didn't like my 2 kids..

BUT the deal was.. that he knew ALL of that. before dating me..

AND he schmoozed my kids so much, that the DEAL is they were hurt.

you friggen morron..

IS his mom going to like the deal of him dating a married woman with 1 kid?

is that a better deal?

I know I should not care what he says..

B/c THE REAL deal is that he is LYING to people.

IS That why he wants to know if I am going? So I don't blow his ass out of the water to the new girl, that I KNOW is married b/c she was in my class?

IS that why?

so I broke NC by listening and reading this shitte

AND yes I never told this mutual about not talking about him b/c she really never has before..

I hate him.....

the one that friggen cried all the damn time, is making it now feel like we were no big deal...

and I know why they do this..b/c they have no heart, or empathy or whatever..

BUT my kids did, I did, and so did my parents that he schmoozed.

AND I will go to this party.. B/c F him...and I was going to go anyway..

and I know if really deep down inside I will feel hurt I don't have to go..

but I am not wired that way..

I am wired the other way.. I was a friggen awesome GF to an A$$... no need for me to coward away..

chickon2's picture

D&D is inevitable Mon, 11/15/2010 - 00:16 — Lisa E. Scott A narcissist's biggest fear in life is to find themselves in a mediocre, monotonous existence. They feel omnipotent, grandiose, and unique. To live a routine, common, domestic life terrifies them. Bottom line, they will inevitably pull away, disappear, run or cheat at some point to avoid the dreaded idea of being settled-down A narcissist will always ensure they have someone present and available to them at all times to stroke their ego and cater to their needs. Unfortunately, they will give you no warning when they decide to leave in pursuit of validation from someone new. This is when we must remember we did nothing wrong and this outcome was inevitable. A narcissist will simply devalue and discard people when they become convinced that they can no longer provide them with sufficient validation. Keep in mind, this evaluation of theirs is totally subjective and not grounded in reality at all. Suddenly, because of boredom, a disagreement, an act or a failure to act, the narcissist swings from total idealization to complete devaluation. The narcissist then disconnects from you immediately. They need to preserve all of their energy in order to obtain and secure new sources of supply and see no need to spend any of their precious time and energy on you, whom they now considers useless.. But please remember, they will repeat this cycle in every relationship they enter. It is inevitable. Be grateful this toxic abusive individual is out of your life and never let them back. You must accept the fact that you were not an object of love to this person, but a pawn, a mere source of supply to feed their fragile ego; nothing more, but certainly nothing less. Once you understand how they must constantly change their source of supply, you will realize their rejection of you has nothing to do with you. It is their issue and they will repeat the same behavior in every one of their future relationships.
Briseis's picture

I had to share a community of people with the Narc, it really sucked ass. I feel badly for you gals that share a large group of friends that are friends with the exNarc. It provides EVER so many opportunities for tomfoolery, NC being broken by proxy (by other people). And then the party thing. Fortunately for me, we had only lived in this community for three years. I hadn't put down any roots. To me this is a glimpse of "more to come", how this kind of incident will happen over and over again, as the two of you will inevitably run into one another, either in person or via well-meaning friends who don't get it.
chickon2's picture

Thanks mama.. But really, what can I do? Stop my life for him? Yes we have the same circle of friends.. BUT really his circle is getting less and less..B/c in drips and draps people are finding out.. He is no super hero like he thinks he is... ick
Briseis's picture

I said what I said to make you angrier at him :D If that's possible. It's not something I have done. You are teaching me how this part is done. How to wait it out, weather the storms while you keep yourself firmly lashed to the sail pole and not let whatever you hear about the Narc saying and doing ruin you day. It must take a ton of patience, but I believe over time the Narc will burn his bridges and go off in search of other people to bother.
jen79's picture

What kind of mamas boy is that? Holy Jesus christ, this is such a mama's boy, do you really miss a man who has the emotional maturity of a 2 year old? This is so sick, I dont know what to say, and why are your 2 kids a problem? I mean your kids, is there anything sweeter than that? How could someone not like them? Who is this mama? The mother of the satan? And your divorce is a problem? Uhm...sorry that you have a past, and not a virgin anymore? You should tell him to fuck off, his half orange is nowhere cause no one wants a loser who let his mama decide who he dates. This is a coward bastard. You deserve soooooo much better, you are soooo lucky he is gone...loser!!!!!
chickon2's picture

I have heard from around town she is crazy.. AND a bit in love with the EXN her son.. Emotional incest.. ICK. AND she made up the voodoo underwear story.. YES I am glad he is out of my life.. Funny how the Love I had for him had turned into discust for the person he is.. My babies are the best.. They are not only gorgeous, they are ADORED.. I am sorry I ever brought him around them.. Thank you mama.. HUGS....
jen79's picture

I once had a bf, his grandmother looked at me and said "there's the gypsy in this girl", and its true, my father is a gypsy/Roma, she probrably noticed it this nazi-gran...and she made up the story I have bewitched him with my "gypsy magic" and trying to get a baby from him...and the mother believed it too...such a horror.. Some people are just crazy hun, let them owe their voodoo underwear stuff and let him live with his mami for the rest of his life, he might meet a virgin with no kids, I am sure his mami wouldnt like that either. And I am glad this loser is now away from you and your sweet adorable kids. You will meet a man one day that you deserve and all will be easy, effortless and flowing to you... Hugs