NC Check In for those who are struggling

The SHOCKING truth. The ex-Psych prof touted himself as a famous philosopher... and in the past 11 years, it hasn't happened. Ahhh, the irony that I have more articles online than he does (the competition, I know) He yanked his personal info about fathering kids, getting married... so any personal info about him is *GONE.* (And he yanked it several yrs ago because it was exposure) So boring that the college magazine doesn't acknowledge his existence. Guess I'm not the only one who found him a bore. His "Quietism on the Side of Happiness", "Wittgenstein, Augustine and the Fantasy of Ascent" and "Wittgenstein, Tolstoy and the Meaning of Life" are online... but I prefer kava kava, chamomile, and valerian as natural sleep aids. *YAWN*

I've been nc with CharlieSheenWinning for almost 3 months. But then again. . . he's got NewWinningWife, so he ain't knocking *my* door down! He probably doesn't even remember where it is! So, I'm glad to be almost 3 mons. nc, but I can't take any credit for it. Still. . . it's been good to not have to deal with him.

Did not contact him today (and thankfully he did not text me) but I admit this is a day by day thing and I am still very much an addict.

So I didn't Google or peek anywhere I'm not supposed to . . . buuuuuuut I did re-read a letter he mailed to me yesterday :( handwritten, 4 pages and an update on him & his family with a little bit of he misses some things about us (w/out him getting too specific). I know I should stick it in the shredder - I'm just not ready. Since the communication is not bidirectional I tell myself I'm not breaking NC, right?

I am trying to get to the point where NC occurs in my head too. What a process. My thoughts of him come when I am frightened or frustrated in MY life and I seem to go straight to blame, anger, judgement and loneliness. It is like a bad habit that is hard to kick. I do not pick on my anymore though, like you said, accept it and try again. On days where I stay busy, take care of my needs, and connected with good people, I don't give him a thought. I have to ACT my way into healthy thinking. That has been a vital process in my moving forward. Peace and Love JITS

Here's something that dawned on me today. Earlier in the day I replied to trying2heal, encouraging her to stay NC. Later in the day when I felt the urge to go check on the N the only way I can, I thought, "Oh, no you don't. You just encouraged trying2heal to resist checking. And you're going to turn around and check? I don't think so, Missy." So, by sharing our stories and encouraging each other, I think (*praise the stars*) we are rewiring ourselves and each other. I hadn't thought of it that way before. How beautiful. Thanks, all, for sharing and supporting and encouraging and laughing and oozing wisdom. We are growing ourselves shiny new dendrites right before our eyes (well, so to speak). [Forgive me, medical professionals, if I didn't get that dendrite thing right.] (((big hugs)))