As narcville turns...an update on my ex...(please share your stories)

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#1 Nov 4 - 8AM
Deidre40
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As narcville turns...an update on my ex...(please share your stories)

We talk a lot on here about narc behaviors…how predictable they are, and we see such uncanny similarities between our men/women. But, it’s somewhat surreal when you actually SEE all of it play out. Like our chats here…actually materialize, and you realize that we’re all not guessing or making assumptions about narcs, but it’s really predictable, what they do or don’t do.

Here’s what’s happened. As most here know, broke up with the ex going on 7 months now. I caved a few times against NC—in hopes of at least being friends. He would often bait me to call and I would, then he’d insult me. Hang up on me, etc. His premise for ‘’hoovering’’ me had more to do with revenge, than wanting me back. Then, I started dating. It was as if we were in competition. He then started dating and was quite vocal about it on a website we once both posted on together. Ok…so, he dated a girl, at the time, a few of our mutual ‘friends’ were telling me about her, but truly, I didn’t care. I have since removed all of them as ‘friends’ from my life. Fast forward to a few months ago, he breaks up with the girl. Friends tell me ‘she wasn’t you, dee.’ Guess that was their take on why he ended things with her. It was around this time, I changed my cell number, as I didn’t want to hear about him anymore. Ok. Fast forward to abut a month ago. He starts talking to one of my friends who I forgot I gave my home number to. Mind you, I stopped communicating with this ‘’friend.’’ She proceeds to leave me a voicemail and say that ex N has been texting me, and is irate that I’m not replying. (I changed my number, didn’t get the texts) I don’t reply to her. I’m 100% commited to NC at this point, and not waivering. Wait, he’s ‘irate?’ lol Someone needs to send that boy a memo…we broke up!

Ok. So…fast forward to last night. Guess what. He went back with the last gf. Lol ‘Old supply,’ as we say here. So, let’s see…he went for old old supply (me) and that didn’t work…so, he said to himself…I’ll tap back into the last chick. See where that leads.
And there you have it ladies and gents… a typical narc story.
Recap:
1) Break up with said narc
2) Narc hoovers and baits (not necessarily to get you back, but for revenge in my case)
3) You stop communicating
4) You cut off friends of the narc
5) You move on with your life
6) Narc circles back around, (most likely) shocked you’ve moved on with your life without him/her
7) Narc starts baiting again
8) Narc realizes the bait he threw out isn’t working
9) Narc goes back to supply who’ll take him back, or want him back
10) And they all DID NOT live happily ever after. Lol

Just thought I’d share. Interesting no?

Share a similar story, if you would? I’d be interested to see if my ex is as predictable as everyone else’s.

I also thought, that poor girl. If she only knew…if she only knew what he is. If she only knew he sat on a dating website the entire time he dated her. If she only knew what she was dealing with. If she only knew that basically he couldn’t get anyone else, and decided to go back to her. UGH. Can you imagine that feeling? Knowing someone is only with you, because they had no luck finding anyone else? :=(

Nov 4 - 1PM
Lisa87
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Diedre

I could have written that. Perfect Narc story, lived it for the past 1.5 years since we broke up. He tries with me and has someone else waiting in the wings (I'm sure the former gf's) and I'm sure he has been on the dating websites too, he was during the last relationship he had. I wish all these women had a clue but they probably don't. Oh well, in due time they will find out too!
Nov 4 - 10AM
indenial
indenial's picture

thanks for sharing this

Its helped me a lot. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that despite him telling me he loves me and misses me and can't function without me I know he's probably doing the same to his ex and its just a matter of who falls for it first :( I don't want the booby prize. I'd rather be the one that walked away. Whoever gets him loses. Simple. They don't change and if you are unlucky enough to be old supply that he returns to it gets even worse. If he didn't destroy you last time he will do next time. I can sit back and watch it unfold without me being the victim this time. His loss whether his stupid pathology ever let's him realise that or not. Time will show. Because I will go on to better things. He won't ever. He will just carry on the cycle. Either way he's miserable and so is anyone gullible enough to put up with him. I should know because for a long time I was that person. Not anymore. Its not for me.
Nov 4 - 10AM
Hunter
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Same guy different body.. It

Same guy different body.. It amazes me how naive people can be!! You would think eventually you'd catch on to the BS ., Hunter
Nov 4 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
Deidre40
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hunter

but, hunter...we know what we know. so many don't. i honestly might have kept talking to the guy, had i not come to this site. hope you are doing well lady!
Nov 4 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Because we have a brain to

Because we have a brain to realize something isn't right.., Last night my friend was telling me about her daughter and I tried explaining her daughters ex husband is not allowing the divorce to go thru .. He's playing narc games.. 2 yrs if BS .. Still no divorce.. I tried educating her .. She looked at me like I was nuts.. Ok then.. You can't fix stupid.. 2yrs and a marriage with this nut and this entire family refuses to face the reality of what this whack job is.. Suffer then.. Not my problem.., Hunter
Nov 4 - 10AM
TNR1
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April 2010-Mr. N D&Ds me for

April 2010-Mr. N D&Ds me for gf1 (let's say 1 to keep things simple) October 2010-I see Mr. N, he tells me gf1 is over, she was too controlling. March 2011-gf2 makes an appearance, Mr. N seems very happy July 2011-gf2 breaks things off with Mr. N as she finds out he is not being faithful September 2011-Mr. N is back with gf1
Nov 4 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

TNR1

Thank u for sharing this...may i ask, how did u find all this out? For me, it has always been through old 'friends.' This girl who keeps reporting to me via my home number, I no longer communicate with. As the other groupies of the narcs. lol Just curious how you found out this info?
Nov 4 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
TNR1
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From his profile pics on

Mainly from his profile pics on Facebook...but I got some text messages when gf2 broke up with him.
Nov 4 - 9AM
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

Mine is covert & lazy as hell

But looking back over the last 7 months I have been able to piece together his baiting & hoovering. Here's a short re-cap: March - I left him April - Initial court hearing and he gets 50/50 of our daughter. May - He shows up at one of my son's sporting event as it is our anniversary. I'm at other son's sporting event and never see him (and forgot it's our anniversary). It seems he has lost insta-gf that he's had since before I left him. June - He whines to daycare provider that I won't communicate with him. She promptly reports to me. I don't care. July - I am strict NC this entire month and take him back to court. Appears he has a new gf as I have zero communication from him. August - More whining about lack of communication so I set up an email acct and use it for communication. Very business-like and only about our child. Gf is d&d by end of this month per daycare provider. September - Lots of emails/texts from him pretending to be super dad and mr. wonderful. Again, I don't care. October - Our daughter's surgery and he hoovers/baits the hell out of me the day of it. Even goes so far as to have a 20-something show up to the parking lot while our daughter is in the recovery room. Again hoovers over the weekend after her surgery and the following week. When he realizes I'm sticking with NC except for necessary emails on her condition and not taking the bait he gets pissed. Court hearing 2 weeks later (that I win) seals the deal. He is "done dealing with me" per email. November - I haven't heard a peep from him (either hoovering or baiting) in 3 weeks. Apparently he is getting the hint. I find it funny that he just keeps cycling through the abuse cycle even though we aren't together. He's nice, then he's mad, then he's pissed, then he's nice again. I really wish he'd come up with a new script cause I'm getting bored. lol
Nov 4 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

GAgirl

I laughed for real that the daycare provider was the ‘reporter’ in some cases for the narc. Lol!! They’re such fools. This is exactly what I’m talking about, as far as stories go to share here. Thanks so much for sharing yours. I am so proud of you and impressed at your tenacity to remain calm and NC despite his constant hoovering. My ex was more into baiting me through others…lying about me to others to see if I’d find out, to get reactions from me. For the past nearly 5 months now, I’ve been utterly silent to him. No texts, no replies to his texts, no calls, etc. I haven’t talked to our mutual ‘friends’ in ages, and so his name has not left my mouth, except for posting on this site. I imagine he thought he’d throw some lame bait my way…by trying to text me again. That didn’t work, because I changed my phone number, then he baits me through a friend. That didn’t work. Then, he runs back to a girl, I find out through the friend who left me the initial message on my home voicemail. She said in her message…’’he went back to her dee, isn’t that funny? Guess if he can’t get what he wants, he’ll take who wants him.’’ Lol That was her message. Yep. That sums it up. Again-thanks for sharing!! Everyone--if you could post it like this, that would be great. Like a timeline of events for us to see
Nov 4 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
FINALLYFREE2BME
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Ok, here goes.. 15 years ago:

Ok, here goes.. 15 years ago: N started seeing long term nurse "girlfriend" and reconnected with a married high school girlfriend to cheat on her with while picking up a third supply from bars, malls, etc when he could. Five years ago: I met him and I dumped him and he went back to both long term supplies while hunting for a new Number 3. Now: He's still stringing along both back up women and is on the hunt for another fresh number 3 since they tend not to stick around very long. They really don't change.