Narcspeak: The Phone(y) Conversation

Here is a short phrasebook I wish I'd had every time I spoke to the Narcissist, and which I hope will be useful to all in sustaining NC.

1.
(Picking up) "Hi!"
(Him) (in a seductive tone of voice): "Hi…."
What we think this means: "Hi, sexy!"
What this actually means: "So… you decided to talk to me after all, you weak woman. You cannot live without me, can you?"

2.
"How are you?"
"Yeah, fine, fine. How are YOU?"
What we think this means: "My life isn't so interesting. But I am genuinely interested in yours."
What this actually means: "Tell me all about your life so I can deflect attention from my own doings."

3.
"Sorry we missed each other last time. Next time I'm in town, let's see each other…" (and not saying when).
What we think this means: "I'm really sorry to have missed you last time…we were both so busy…let's take some time off so that we can really be with each other ."
What this actually means: "I was busy pursuing OW! She was so hot I couldn't refuse! However, if she isn't available next time, I may call on you – or yet another victim."

4.
"So, tell me how you spent the holidays…"
What we think this means: "I thought of you over that meaningful time in the calendar."
What this actually means: "Don't ask me how I spent the holidays. I am a pathetic little creature with no family and no friends."

5.
(after 5 minutes) "I gotta go, I'm walking into a meeting."
What we think this means: "What a busy man, always working, he probably needs someone to look after him…"
What this actually means: "God, this conversation bores me already! Get a life, you sad woman."

6.
"Take care" (in a meaningful tone of voice)
What we think this means: "Relax, take care of your body and your soul. You are valuable to me"
What this actually means: "I don't f…ing care whether you live or die. However, if you do end up living, take care of your body. And lose some of that flab – I need you to be superb supply."