NarcsBabyMama's Story

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#1 Mar 2 - 11AM
NarcsBabyMama
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NarcsBabyMama's Story

I really believed, for a very long time, that our story was one that fairy tales are made of. We actually discussed co-writing a book one day to document everything we had been through in order to be together. We met in late 2002 – he was the new guy at work and I can remember every detail of shaking his hand and saying hello for the first time. I didn't know what it was, but I felt the energy when our hands connected and he looked me in the eyes as he introduced himself. We were young, but he had already been married for about two years and had a one year old child. They had moved half way across the country so he could have an almost once-in-a-lifetime starting career opportunity working for a very popular firm in his field. We quickly became great office friends. I had a pretty rocky relationship with a live-in boyfriend at the time, and I quickly gathered that this man was fairly unhappy in his marriage. During a few late evenings at work, he would tell me the stories of his "crazy" wife, and he'd flirt and make me feel the attention that I wasn't getting at home. We started working together more and more, finding excuses to do projects together. We eventually started what was going to become a decade long email exchange, almost throughout the entire day, every day. We'd talk about music, words and their meanings, fashion… anything and everything, we could talk for days. When it eventually became clear to me that this person was falling for me, I was laid off from my job (I was already planning to relocate in a few months afterwards to finish my degree). I asked him, via email, if he was feeling the way that I thought he was feeling – he said that he was. I was confused – I had never been in a situation like that before. I had never known that it would be that "easy" for a married man to fall for another woman, especially one he had only known for a few months. But I felt it too… I didn't want to, but I did. Some snooping from my now (thankfully) ex-boyfriend revealed that I was interested in this man, and I told him that we should definitely not communicate for a while, as I didn't want anyone getting hurt.

Shortly after I was let go from my job, I ended up moving to attend college. I eventually broke it off with my boyfriend and somehow ended up back in touch with this guy from work… let's call him… MK. We talked for a bit and we ended up having some scandalous online activity – I felt HORRIBLE about it. No matter how abusive his wife was, no matter how unhappy he was, it didn't make it right – he had a child! I quickly put a stop to it, letting him know that we could no longer talk. He was not happy about it, but he agreed. Years went by and I eventually met a nice guy and ended up getting engaged. We moved in together and everything was going well. I was still fairly young, and things were moving pretty fast. He was the first guy I had been with that was responsible and had a good job. It was a nice change of pace! Just after I was married, MK came back into the picture. It was slow and we kept it strictly friends for quite some time. After my husband and I were together for a few years, I started to get very lonely (he was in public service and was at work for days at a time). No matter how busy I kept myself with work, school, and sports, I still had to eat dinner alone every night and go to bed alone. MK was now many years into a bad marriage and was more unhappy than ever. We connected hard, fast, and it… was… amazing. He was my best friend. I told him everything, he was there for me and made me feel like I wasn't alone – we talked all day via email and sometimes at night via webcam. We knew everything about each other – we loved everything about each other. It went on for years. Finally, he and his wife decided to physically separate for a while. At this point in my marriage, we had already desperately tried to make it work and it wasn't working. My husband and I got along well, but we never saw each other, and our intimacy and connection had died. MK and I had a crazy connection, a lust like no other, as well as the emotional attachment from all of the years we shared. MK had his own place and since he lived in my hometown, I would travel down to see my family and we would make excuses/justifications as to why we needed to meet up as friends… right. The first time was strange – he was strongly flirty and physical, but I was still fighting the feelings of guilt for both of us. The second time it became physical – we didn't do the deed, but we definitely messed around. It was exciting and just as I had always imagined it – but it felt so wrong. We met up another time or two, again with it being physical but no actual deed. MK was then laid off from the job that we had met at, and everything came to a screeching halt. He had to have his wife and child move back in with him in order to make ends meet, and he decided that he had to cut off contact from me so he could deal with his crisis. He went through about six months of trying to find work and struggling with a mentally ill wife. Meanwhile, I was devastated. We had become so close – I was lost without him. I woke up every day missing him and went to bed every night crying over him. I was completely in love at this point – there wasn't any turning back. It was, at that point, one of the hardest times in my life. I was angry, sad… lost. Eventually he found work again in his home state, and he let me know that he was moving. I thought I would never see him again – I was again, devastated. At this point, my husband and I were in marriage counseling and trying to establish a connection again. We did, for a while – a little. It was nothing compared to what I felt with and for MK. MK crept back into my life again, as his marriage continued to deteriorate and he was personally more stable again with a new job. We went back to our old ways, and we were best friends again, from afar. Eventually his wife and he separated again and I was at the point where I was looking for places to live other than my home. I had gone through some job transition and things were just not right. I needed to make changes – I needed to be happy. MK made me happy, but I couldn't focus on that. I had to focus on MY life. MK's wife finally asked for a divorce, and she meant it this time. She had hooked up with a previous boyfriend, and she and his son were staying in her home state. That same weekend, I was also moving out of my home (unrelated to his situation). It was such a hard decision that had taken me years to make, but I couldn't continue to be unhappy and do things that I never thought I was capable of (betray my husband). I moved in with an amazing gay man who rented the rooms in his very nice, large house out to various people. It was a great environment for me to heal. Only… I didn't really take the time to heal. I went from one relationship to another – MK and I were finally free to be together. We continued our relationship as it had been, a distant connection, when I decided to go visit him. He lived in a great, fun city, and I was so happy to see him again and feel him touch me. We finally made love and it was all overwhelming. It was so… overdue. We were meant to be together. He loved me more than anyone ever had – he told me how beautiful I was, how wonderful I was, how amazing I was… I felt the love. We went through a rough patch when he admitted to me that he had kept something from me – that he had also been with another woman/friend around the time that we were first physical (when he was separated the first time), and it killed me. I couldn't believe that he hid that from me… ME? He told me everything, so why would he hide that – he had no reason to? I felt totally betrayed… me, the betrayer. I quickly forgave him, but it was definitely a red flag that I buried. We decided that I would cash out my 401K, pack up everything, quit my job, leave my family and friends and move across country to live together. It was crazy! But I had to do it – I had no choice – he was my soul mate. And then we began our real life, adult relationship.

We had so much fun enjoying my new city together, fixing up our apartment, and hanging with friends. We were totally in love. It was awesome. About four months in, his ex-wife decides that she can no longer take care of his son, and he moved in with us. WOAH! I was all of the sudden a step-mom to a 10 year old boy. It was hard. He has emotional and behavioral problems from his family life when he was growing up, along with some hereditary mental stuff. I was up for the challenge, and I quickly realized that it was going to be tough. We tried very hard in the beginning to collaborate on the best methods for dealing with him, and at the time, MK was open and willing to listen to my advice. After about six months of me trying to find a job, I finally got one and was settling in. Our little family, though unexpected, was working. Since MK and I had known each other for so long, and since I wasn't a spring chicken anymore and had always wanted children, we started talking about it. I was getting to the point where it was nagging at me internally, like my body was trying to tell me something. At that point his very delusional, prescription-drug-addicted sister was getting a divorce and asked if she could move in with us. I hesitantly agreed as long as she was working towards a better future and we weren't going to end up enabling her. She lived on our couch for six months and never really did anything to improve her life, in fact, I ended up asking her to leave because she wrecked her car at 8am one morning after being up partying all night and got a DWI. MK's son and his sister had been a major source of stress in our very tiny apartment. It stressed me out, and I was vocal about it. It stressed him out, too, but since it was his family, he was able to ignore most of it. He did get stressed out by me being stressed out, though, and it wasn't healthy. We limped along with the craziness, but we were still completely in love. Finally, one night, MK told me that he also wanted to have a child with me. I was so happy – I never wanted to force it upon him, but it had been something I had wanted for a long time. We knew that we didn't want to get married (since we had both been through divorces), but we were just as committed to each other as a happily married couple. I was excited to embark on this new adventure with my best friend, and the same night that he told me he wanted children with me, we made a baby.

He was shocked, but excited when I told him that we had gotten pregnant on the first try. I knew it would shock all of our family and friends – it was a bit unconventional, but so were we, and so was our little family. He made me promise that I would have two, back to back, so we didn't have an only child. Little did I know that I was about to go through a very tough pregnancy (emotionally – hormones!). MK was always happy and excited when he would tell people about the baby on the way, and we were looking forward to it. Once the nesting phase kicked in, I was very much consumed with it. I'm already pretty OCD, and I had been living with two very messy boys for so long in a tiny apartment – I needed to make a comfortable home for my family. Since I couldn't drink or go out like we used to, I focused all of my free time and energy on nesting. I started to notice that when I asked MK to help me with it, be it just give his opinion on furniture or help paint the nursery, he would always complain and it was like pulling teeth. It was another red flag – it seemed like it should be easy for him to want to help get the house ready for his new baby (and to make me more comfortable). He was always saying how "everything had to be on (my) schedule," so I attempted to change up the way I would request things from him. I thought that maybe if I put things on a whiteboard and he could choose when he completed tasks, it would help. It didn't. It was like any task that he had to do which wasn't important to him personally was a big deal. He then started wanting to hang out with friends and go out EVERY second– any chance we had free time. He didn't seem interested in having family time or just chilling at home with his pregnant and tired partner. It started to eat at me – why was he so interested in going out with other people at this point in our lives? Couldn't we get back to that after the baby was born? I am very open about how I feel, and I don't have a problem communicating how I feel. I thought that if I just expressed how I felt and tried to compromise whenever I could, we could get past this tense period. It didn't get better. Any time I had an issue with anything (which was fairly often, to be fair, as I was a crazy hormonal pregnant woman), he would always get stressed out and make it seem like I'm never happy. It was hard for him to empathize with my situation – I wasn't myself, and I didn't like it as much as he didn't like it. Don't get me wrong – I was a normal pregnant woman – I needed affection, reassurance, understanding and support. I told him I needed those things, especially as my body was changing and I was feeling really insecure for the first time in my life. He never once told me that he was still attracted to me or that I was sexy during my pregnancy – any attempts to tell him that I needed to hear those things resulted in him thinking I was trying to control him. He would say "I don't operate that way – I'm sorry I don't tell you the things you need to hear or give you what you need." It baffled me – why was it so hard? I couldn't understand why a person who chose to have a child with me was not wanting to really support me through this pregnancy. We butted heads quite a bit while I was pregnant, and once I reached about 6 or 7 months, I started to suspect that there was something strange going on.

He started working with a new group which consisted of three young single people. They worked very closely together all day long, went to lunch together, and even hung out together in their free time. MK started to always want to hang out with his work crew on the weekends, etc. His co-workers, being young and single, didn't understand or necessarily respect the fact that MK had a family at home. I also noticed that there was one particular co-worker, a girl our age, who was uncomfortably close to MK. From the moment I met her I got a gut feeling. I have never been a jealous person, but my internal alarms definitely went off with this chick. One day I asked MK if he had ever gone to lunch with her alone and he said that he had a few times. I told him that it made me uncomfortable, and that I hoped he understood that I would prefer he not do that. He fought me on it – said I was trying to control him again. I eventually caved and said that he should do whatever he thought was right, but it did make me uncomfortable. As time went on, I started noticing that he was being much colder to me. I also noticed around this time that he never left his cell phone around, he never left his email up on the computer, and other little things that were sketchy. In my pregnancy haze, I noted it, but chalked it up to pregnancy paranoia. I would make comments from time to time about this other woman at work – let's call her SB. I would tell MK that it's so easy to become close with a friend at work and then it turns emotional, and then more – to be careful. He just ignored me and acted like I was crazy for thinking that way. One day I was feeling really, really low – I was crying in bed and told him that I felt like I didn't want to be alive (hormonal overload – it wasn't a suicidal thing), and he proceeded to leave me there to go to a dinner at SB's house with his son and co-workers for 5 hours and didn't once call to check on me. This was another huge red flag… they were stacking up quickly. I knew that wasn't normal – I knew that's not what I wanted in a relationship – but I was so consumed with being very pregnant that I didn't really have much energy to focus on that. I only kept thinking… if I can just make it through the pregnancy, we will work out these kinks like we talked about doing after the baby was born and we can finally get back to normal. I couldn't wait – it was the longest stretch of my life. MK had been sleeping on the couch for months - saying he couldn't sleep with me since I was pregnant and always getting up at night. I understood, but it didn't stop me from begging him to at least sleep with me on the weekends when he didn't have to get up for work the next day. Sometimes he would "try," but would get up in the middle of the night and go to the couch. Finally the baby arrived via emergency c–section, after I had spent 9 long months mentally and physically preparing for a natural, unmedicated water birth. It was devastating, but I had a beautiful and healthy baby.

SB was the first person to see me after my baby was born – she had volunteered to watch MK's son while I was in the hospital. Looking back on it now, it makes me want to throw up that she spent the night at my house and saw me in the hospital when my baby was born. MK spent most of the time when I was in the hospital playing on his cell phone. I had had so many fantasies of this time in my life, and nothing was working out like I had planned. I felt unsupported and misunderstood throughout my pregnancy, the birth of my child was very traumatic, and the partner who I loved and adored for so long was not being the partner I envisioned he would be. When we got home from the hospital MK was fairly helpful with the baby, though I was breastfeeding so there was only so much he could do. My parents came to visit for 10 days and I knew that it would be stressful (small space, too many people, new baby, etc.), but it was also a great help to me while trying to recover from the c-section and handle a newborn. MK became extremely withdrawn around this time, and I chalked it up to stress and change. After my parents left and his son was visiting his mother, MK and I were left alone for the first time with the baby. It was approaching our 2 year anniversary, and I was so excited to start getting our life back on track. MK was growing colder and colder, and it got to the point where he wouldn't even have conversations with me – we had never experienced any trouble making conversation before. I tried to cuddle with him on the couch one day and he jumped up as he realized I was going to lay down next to him. All affection was gone. He was still mostly sleeping on the couch, blaming it on the baby being in the room or he was sick… any excuse he could find. We had not had sex for several months anyway due to me being pregnant, and we both have very high sex drives. I thought it was strange that he had never expressed interest and excitement in being able to have sex again soon – he never brought it up. I was SO looking forward to connecting again and being intimate. Around this time I received word of a devastating family issue, and I was very much sucked into how depressing that was. It was major, life-changing stuff, but I needed to focus on my baby. I didn't want PPD to have any fuel, and I needed MK's support. He wasn't supportive – he was just going through the motions. Finally I sat down and said "OK – tell me what's happening, I can take it." He looked at me and told me that we had major issues and that he didn't know if he was in love with me anymore and he didn't know if he wanted to work it out. Um… what?!?!?!?!? Our baby was only a month old. This was the love of my life – my soul mate – what was he talking about?!?!?! I cried, and cried, and cried. I cried more than I've ever cried that day. He just sat there. He wasn't empathetic – he was cold. This was the beginning of the very worst period in my life – an earth-shattering maternity leave and beyond.

I had always wanted children, but I took it so seriously that I could never bring myself to have children with someone who I wasn't 100% committed to spending the rest of my life with. I was so looking forward to the whole process – I knew that it would be the best time of my life and that I could always have that to look forward to. I can now, very sadly say that the entire experience was the deepest, darkest, most confusing and stressful time of my entire life. Don't get me wrong – I do realize that I have a beautiful baby and am probably much stronger and better because of the experience, but it was just something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I was robbed, completely robbed. MK said that he needed time to figure out if he wanted to work out our issues. I was still confused as to how we got here so quickly – I hadn't even known that we were even close to deal-breaker type problems. I tried very hard to be patient for a week or two. I also called and started seeing a therapist right away – with my family blow, PPD and this, I knew that I needed to keep it under control for my child. My therapist called it the first time I met with her – she told me I was with someone who was very broken, and probably a narcissist. I always knew that he had narcissistic traits, but I thought he had it under control. She asked me how I could ever forgive someone who could do this to me at the most vulnerable time in my life… and I knew that I could because I loved him. I really loved him. I loved him as much as I ever had, and I told him. I wrote emails. I tried to talk about it. I made it clear that I was willing to do whatever it took to work it out. Some days I gave him space, some days I lost it and cried a lot. I didn't know how to handle this and a newborn. He would be very cold but friendly, encouraging me to go out and he'd watch the baby. He didn't understand – I didn't want to go out – I wanted to spend time with my family and be with my baby. But I would take it him up on it and walk down to the local bar and have some drinks. I'd sit there alone and try to make sense of it all. I couldn't tell anyone – what if this was just a phase and he was going to try to work it out? He hadn't told anyone either… he had never even bounced this idea of leaving off of any friends or family. I encouraged him to get a different perspective, because in his mind, it made perfect sense to leave your newborn and partner because of some "issues that will never change." Each time I met with my therapist, she would assure me that these were his issues, not mine, and when I would present that perspective to MK, he would bash it and say that it's only because she's only getting my side of the story. Eventually it became too difficult to be in the house with him, and it was becoming clear to me that he had one foot out the door no matter what I did or said. I decided to go home to be with my family and friends for a while, despite it potentially being a bad environment for me as well. My hope was that he would have a chance to miss us, and wake up. Before I left, as he was getting ready to take us to the airport, he made it clear that he had made his mind up about leaving and that he would be looking for a place to live. I tried to give him a hug and I told him that I still loved him, and he pushed me away and grabbed the baby. My best friend was long gone, and this person I was dealing with was very much a stranger to me. He dropped us off at the airport and patted me on the back and said "Have a safe trip" and walked off. Being home was devastating and such a helpless feeling. My life was completely upside down and I didn't hear anything from him. He didn't even text or call to check on the baby because he "thought that I would let him know how she was doing." I hopped around from my friends' houses to my family's house – no where felt comfortable. Nothing made me feel better. One night I saw Facebook photos that one of his co-workers posted and it was of SB in MY HOUSE. There were also photos of MK and SB at a co-workers party, etc. I was livid. How could he just be partying it up while I was completely devastated and living in a nightmare? I tried to ignore it and focus on my baby. A few days later I saw more photos of SB at my house again, and I lost it. I called him and told him to get her out of my house and for him to get out too. I told him I was returning home early and that he would need to be moved out by the time I got back. He was cold and didn't seem to be phased, and agreed to be out. He told me that night that it was definitely over, for good, forever. I still didn't even understand what had happened – I had no idea how we ended up here. I called his parents that night and told them that he had decided to leave me and that I welcomed them to stay in touch anytime they wanted to see the baby. I didn't speak poorly of MK, but I just wanted them to know. They were very disappointed, and they said that MK had not told them anything. The day I returned home, he and his son spent their first night in their new rented home.

We went through many weeks of hell after I returned home. We tried to balance sharing care of our daughter while he was slowly still moving stuff out of my apartment, and we had to keep seeing each other. It got ugly – more hostile than it had ever been. He was angry at me, and for the life of me I couldn't understand why. He found out I had told his parents, and he screamed at me and tore my character apart. He attacked everything about me – all the things he used to love about me were suddenly faults. Everything was my fault, he took no responsibility for anything. To this day I have never gotten a sincere apology or any empathy for what he decided to do. I wrote emails, I texted, I was angry, I was sad, I pleaded with him to not do this, I went through every shock and grief emotion known to man. Nothing reached him, and he only seemed confused as to why I wasn't handling this well. I struggled to get out of bed, and I definitely couldn't eat. I had to abruptly stop breastfeeding because I couldn't eat enough to produce milk. I started questioning who I was and what had happened – when someone you love tells you enough times how horrible you are, you start to believe it. SB had become very "close" to MK's son since I had the baby, even coming over to take him to laser tag one day. I thought it was strange, but I certainly couldn't put her down for doing something "nice" for the kid. MK told me that one of his major issues with me was that I never bonded with his son, and that I always complained about him (not true). His son was and is very difficult and disrespectful, and I tried to create an environment of stability and rules for once in his life. I also never anticipated having a step-son live with me, so that transition was difficult and I always knew I could and wanted to continue to be better with it. MK never once gave me credit for having to adapt to that new lifestyle or deal with his crazy sister for 6 months, I only got put down because it stressed me out at times and I tried to communicate about my concerns. I admitted all of my faults to MK, I took responsibility, and I apologized. Despite all of his faults, I loved him, and during this whole thing he kept the focus on me and my "faults" (in his head), so I never even got the chance to talk about what he contributed to our relationship issues. It became clear to me that something was behind all of this – it didn't make sense.

When some of Mks and my shared friends basically ditched him once they found out what he had done, he accused me of manipulating them and making him look bad. Again, the attacks and hostile arguments continued. He didn't (still doesn't) have a proper vehicle to transport our baby and his son, so anytime he wanted to watch the baby, I had to give up my vehicle for the weekend. Not only did I have to give up precious time with my newborn, but I had to sacrifice my transportation because he didn't plan well before he made this decision. He moved into a rough neighborhood and spent all of his paycheck trying to furnish the home with used furniture and make it suitable so he could watch the baby. He suggested that he have her every-other week… I thought he was on drugs! Did he really think I would give up my newborn child every-other WEEK? He agreed that he would go along with the schedule that was best for me for now, but we'd "discuss it more later." Long story short – he wanted to have her half time so he wouldn't have to pay me child support. I also noticed that he ALWAYS held the baby or walked around with her in the carrier any time we were out in public, and I thought it was strange. He would walk around like he was in a parade, and you could tell he enjoyed all of the attention. While I do believe he loves his children, I now see that to him, they are extensions of himself, and a source to feed his need for attention. I decided that I needed to focus on myself and keeping it together for my baby. I found a nice loft apartment closer to where he now lives and has a great creative community. It was expensive, but the thought of it was the first thing that created excitement in me since this went down. I figured that I would be paying for my sanity, more than anything else, as it wasn't healthy to stay in the home we had created together. When he found out, he came over and told me how horrible I was with money and blah blah blah… I'm the one with no debt, a decent vehicle, furniture, savings, etc. He has none of that. I quickly picked up on the projecting – it all started to make sense. All of those things that he was telling me I was – controlling, everything had to be on my schedule, etc. - it was all the things that HE was. He started complaining about me buying furniture when we lived together (with my own money), like it was a horrible thing that I wanted to make a nice home for our family. He attacked the way I "lived," and said it wasn't compatible with the way he lived. I work hard – I'm 33 years old – I bought some decent furniture that I liked and could afford that wasn't over the top – but somehow I'm a horrible person? It makes no sense… nothing he says makes sense…

I had to go through his computer one night to get all of our photos off so he could take the computer – it was a hard task that I knew I was avoiding for a reason. We had so many awesome photos of the good times, and I ran across a video from our one year anniversary. We were so in love – hugging and kissing, telling each other why we loved each other and why we were the perfect match for each other. He told me I was "extremely logical," but somehow, one short year later, I was someone who could make sense of nothing. I also found an email he had written me about four months before he decided to leave me, and it said that he wanted me to be his best friend and partner forever, even when we don't see eye to eye. Anytime I put this evidence in front of him, he couldn't explain it. He would say "I don't know what to tell you. Nothing I say will make you feel better. I can't tell you what you need to hear." I dropped the baby off at his house one Saturday and left to go have lunch. It had been about an hour when I decided I should go back over to see his place so I can feel more comfortable about my baby being there, and when I drove up, SB's car was there. I told him he was a "liar and a cheater," and he looked at me like he was going to beat me and said "I am NOT a liar or a cheater." We had words and I left. The next day, I was supposed to pick up the baby around 9pm. I showed up at 8pm and SB's car was there, in the same spot, it hadn't moved. I knocked on the door and he opened it and looked at me with those hostile eyes again and said "What the fuck are you doing?" I walked in and she was at the back of the house in the kitchen. I very loudly started saying things like "I hope you both can sleep at night…" she never once turned around. I again told him he was a liar and a cheater. Everything I had suspected, everything I had warned him about, everything I had predicted and he had denied, was finally confirmed. He left me for another woman… he left me with a one month old baby.

He wrote me an email – the first since he had left me – and said that he would never leave me for another woman… that he would try to work on things and if he felt they would never change, he would leave. He basically denied being with her and still placed all of the blame on me. I couldn't believe it. Not only had he done all of this to me, he was still being dishonest and cold about it. He is not human. The more my therapist continued to tell me that he was a narcissist, the more it started to sink in. I started learning more about NPD, and everything I read (with very few exceptions) was exactly how MK operates. I had no idea. I consider myself a reasonable, intelligent person, and I was always so confused as to how this could happen to me. Well, I now know that this is not my fault. This could potentially be the karma I am owed for past mistakes, but I will no longer blame myself, believe his lies, stroke his ego, or give him the benefit of my emotions. I now have the power to move forward in my life and only look back when I want to remember the good times, or how this experience has made me stronger than I ever thought possible. I have kept it together for my baby, and my therapist has said several times that 90% of women who have experienced what I have in the past several months would have had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital. At times I felt like I was going crazy, certainly, and I'm definitely still in the beginning stages of my grief work, but I'm confident that I will make it. I honestly feel sorry for MK, as I know he'll never have any real or meaningful relationships that last, and I worry that my daughter will be influenced by him in many ways. I have a long road ahead of me trying to co-parent with this person who I have no respect for, but it is what it is. I will do it for my child, and I will try to keep it civil. I have recently contacted a lawyer and I'm trying to get that process started so I can have my bases covered. I've also been very good with NC this week, and it's definitely helped me. I'm done trying to convince someone who is running away from me that I'm worth their love and attention. A person who can coldly walk away from their partner and baby, out of the blue, for a co-worker is a pathetic shell of a person, and our fairly tale love story has certainly come to an abrupt end. When I remember the MK that I knew and loved, I mourn that loss, but I realize now that it wasn't even real. What is real is that I have an amazing little girl to love and who loves me and we're going to kick ass in this world and be happier than ever, eventually.

I should also note that throughout this whole transition, as long as I play his game the way he wants it to be played, he acts "friendly" and like nothing ever happened. He told me he hopes we can be friends one day… right. He's made jokes with me in the midst of this like everything was normal – such an insult. He also acts jealous in certain ways when he sees that I can take care of myself and can move on in certain areas of my life. It's like he's saying he just wants us to "move on and be happy," but I really believe he just wants to be able to move on with his life without any guilt and doesn't give a crap about me or my happiness. He's also recently friended his ex-wife on Facebook, after continually telling me when we were together that wouldn't be a good idea. He told me that he talked to her to tell her what was happening and she said she was "Sorry, and that 99% of their issues were all hers, and that he is a good dad." The woman he bashed and said was crazy for 11 years is all of the sudden his voice of reason? Pathetic.

"Nobody can be kinder than the narcissist when you react to life in his own terms." ~ Elizabeth Bowen

Best of luck to all of you who are dealing with people with this problem – it's scary how easy it is for them to hide it and suck you into their fake world. MK is such a great person to most people who know him… he's extremely intelligent, does "good things" for the community, is funny, always in a good mood around others, and loves to be social and will talk to anyone. There are many reasons why I fell in love with this person – and it seems like over time, all of the things that you loved about them, they keep from you so they can torment you. They deny you their best "self," because you've in some way stopped being their supply of attention, or they're bored with you and moving on.

Mar 30 - 3PM
Journey
Journey's picture

What a nightmare! so much of

Journey on...

Mar 29 - 4PM
hope29
hope29's picture

At first when i started

Mar 4 - 1PM
Tara30
Tara30's picture

we need to talk

Mar 4 - 11AM
NarcsBabyMama
NarcsBabyMama's picture

Sad to read now, but...

Mar 3 - 10PM
Garden
Garden's picture

wow. How brave of you to

Mar 2 - 3PM
murphyagnes (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Divorce

Mar 4 - 8AM (Reply to #10)
NarcsBabyMama
NarcsBabyMama's picture

Thank you so much for all of

Mar 3 - 7AM (Reply to #7)
murphyagnes (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Mirroring

Mar 3 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
NarcsBabyMama
NarcsBabyMama's picture

Also, he now says (of

Mar 3 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
NarcsBabyMama
NarcsBabyMama's picture

He always knew that I wanted

Mar 2 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
redflagswaving
redflagswaving's picture

yes!

Mar 2 - 1PM
comingundone
comingundone's picture

Wow

Mar 4 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
NarcsBabyMama
NarcsBabyMama's picture

Thank you very much!

Mar 2 - 1PM
redflagswaving
redflagswaving's picture

NBM

Mar 4 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
NarcsBabyMama
NarcsBabyMama's picture

Thank you so much. I believe