A Narc's perspective - "I am Special"

http://forum2.aimoo.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/THE-TARGET-Healing-Survival-Tactics-Read-Only/So-You-target-Think-You-Are-Special-1-660027.html Your post reminded me of this article...it's the opposite of what you elude to...it has to do with the OW thinkings she is so special and has the ability to change him.

"I am special" The Narc would frequently talk to me about how all his past relationship ended explosively, usually with the woman blowing up at him and banishing him from her life after an accumulation of crap he was putting her through. His take on the whole thing?: "I make women so mad, they completely shut me out of their lives and vow never to speak to me again. I wonder why I get such a strong reaction from them... this doesn't happen to anyone else I know. It must be because I'm special, right?" Actual words from a Narc.

Regarding my own exN - I could give a number of examples for each of those items in your list. These assholes should just be born with "My shit doesn't stink" tattooed onto their bodies.

"Since I am so superior, I am entitled to special treatment and privileges": One time he was ranting about how his brother’s family was taking a vacation to a theme park. He said he told them that they should not be wasting their vacation time going to theme parks, they should be going to visit historical sites…blah blah blah. I said “But it’s THEIR vacation…they should do what THEY want to do…not what YOU would want to do…” He got all superior and said “OH WAIT A MINUTE- You don’t understand my role in this family. Sometimes I am the big lovable teddy bear and sometimes I am my mother’s son and I tell everyone how it is and they listen.” I "I don't have to be bound by the rules that apply to other people." One time he took his daughter to the gym to sign her up for a membership. The procedure was that new members have a brief orientation to the equipment, rules etc. He decided that wasn’t necessary (but the gym manager said it was) and proceeded to make a huge scene which ended with him storming out, his daughter feeling embarrassed and humiliated and no gym membership for her. "Other people should satisfy my needs." He was constantly harping on his wife for not catering to him.He wanted her to be at his beck and call - if he wanted to watch TV, she was supposed to sit with him and watch TV. I feel like she could not do anything right at all for him. And yet…the things he complained about her doing were not any different than any of us would do. He would say “She is always doing bills and laundry” to which I would reply, well someone has to pay the bills and make sure there is clean underwear in the drawer." When I asked why he didn’t help her out - he "works" from home, he could do the laundry - he scoffed at that notion. "I shrunk a sweater once. I'm not going near the washing machine." "Other people should recognize how special I am."- He told me one time that his wife didn’t appreciate how great he is and he actually said these words “I am a catch”. (I’ll say. We all should have THROWN YOU BACK when we had the chance.) You know, I honestly used to think he was kidding when he said some of the stuff he said becauseit was almost comical hearing him say stuff like that but I realize now he was totally serious.

The ex-Psych prof was ESPECIALLY finicky on this one. He took it as a MAJOR narcissistic injury if his fellow professors called him by his first name. He once gave the silent treatment to a prof (who was older than him&male) because this prof called him by his first name instead of "Mr. T---." The ex-P thought that since he was the teacher, and I was the student, he was entitled to treat me as he wished. He saw my declaration of love as the unforgivable sin that HAD to be punished. He'd talk A LOT about his family, and after the final D&D, I mentioned how he was a brother&a son, not just a teacher. His response? The command "Think of me as just a teacher!" Well, talk about telling me waaay too late. He said he brought up his family "in order to look human." The ex-P didn't just treat his students with a sense of entitlement. He treated his colleagues the SAME WAY. So, by the final D&D, he was a lone wolf. And anyone who knows how predatory canines act is that they NEED their packs. A coyote without his pack is totally vulnerable;a mountain lion can ambush him&make him lunch. The ex-P had alienated EVERYBODY by the final D&D. His colleagues didn't defend his behavior;I was surprised.

I don't think this latest was my first narc. My ex-husband I married when very young. he was twice my age. Giving birth to our daughter at home, I almost died of blood loss, but my midwife threw me in a tub of cold water because I wouldn't go to the hospital. I knew there would be worse consequences if I wasn't home to take care of his needs. Sure enough, as soon as the midwife left our home, he had me up and cooking his breakfast. Right now, every one looks like a narc to me. I've got some serious boundaries, and am learning not to give any sort of trust out carelessly. Amen!

I am a mother of 5. When my baby was 2 months old I started back to work. I'm a care provider and the kids can come with me. I use to leave the big kids at home with their father the Narc. (Never should have done that.) 4 years ago he lost his job. We lost properties and we went on welfare. My job got us out off of that. So, we're barely making it, I'm homeschooling 4 kids, have the new baby, we are struggling financially, and he takes his OW to a concert, buys a new $800 suit, $200 tickets, restaurant, hotel, the whole 9 yards. Need I say more? (and in my own defense, I got with this man as a teenager. Looking back he was always a Narc. I had no idea who i was dealing with. I've been brainwashed for so long! But once you awaken, life just rolls. It's amazing how when you live in reality and truth that wonderful things happen and opportunities open up to you.)

The ex-N in my life with his salesmen like techniques was able to 'borrow' hundreds of thousands of dollars from both his and my sides of the family. This was to the point where they would take loans out against homes they worked 35 years to own. With promises of repayment in 2-3 years, he was unable to follow through with that. So, when some of them needed the money back or at least have him make the payment on the loan they took out he refused. He talked and talked and they were convinced that 'something' would happen, he'd have a big deal coming through or a plan that was going to take off. Years passes. He believed that his dreams (what he spent the money on), was more important that the retirements and lives of these other people. He could have sold his investment and tried to repay these individuals. Maybe this is a sense of entitlement? His need for his extravagant dream was more important that the daily quality of life for these people who out of love tried to help him. It's sad.