Fes, this article resonates. And Fairy Wings...I think you hit it right on the head here. I too have been living life like narcissism is a research project. I HAVE to understand what happened to me and what it's all about. Not sure if that's ultimately good or bad. But it is what it is at this point.
the pictures Mallory's Narc is sending her made me think of this article for some reason
What a JERK he is Mallory. Pathetic - just pathetic.
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CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily
"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
SEE THE POST
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"Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
SEE TOP POST
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"Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
How come that even though my ex has treated me badly by betraying me that i sometimes think he did it for my sake. He knew he wasn't good for me and that he could see i was being affected by him and losing myself so he thought it would be better for me to leave. Maybe this comes from a text he sent me a year or so ago after he had left for a couple of days it said ' you are a the most wonderful woman i know, i am sorry i drove you to it'
I think i must have a had an angry outburst and he left for a couple of days.
Oh my head spins, just when i think i get it i find something else to say its my fault.
Betrayed me for my sake..............what the hell was i on. I know i'm struggling right now but re reading this.............why would a man leave an 8 month old for my sake. He even told me when he left 'to be honest i wasn't thinking of you' he said this as if i deserved for him to be thinking of himself cos i had treated him so badly. God i find the excuses to let him off don't i. It's really weird to read back some of the thoughts i've had. Thanks for the support and setting me straight.
are you in counseling? This is very twisted thinking and you are DEAD WRONG.
http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/07/hurting-you-isnt-something-narcissists.html
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/10/ten-forms-of-twisted-thinking-from.html
http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/08/21/lying-you-makes-narcissists-feel-smart
http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/09/30/he-said-communicating-narcissists-not-possible
for your sake? Are you KIDDING??? Do you hate yourself that much or has he got you so mind controlled and programmed you will beat yourself up even without him around? I suspect the latter.
That is a very abusive case of blame shifting, excusing his ABUSE and making everything your fault.
http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-blaming.html
http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-phrases.html
http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-doubt.html
http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-dumping.html
NO ONE - I repeat NO ONE deserves the abuse these predators do. It is NEVER FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. NEVER!!
Ellen - you need immediate help if you really think that.
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"Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Thanks Barbara,
I do realise this is not healthy thinking. I said it cos i thought it would be better said aloud than festering in me. It is something i think at times and then i have to swipe it. I wanted to recognise that i do think this sometimes. I do have a counsellor.
I just can't fathom that my ex didn't have my best interests at heart cos he always said he did and behaved like he was thinking of me also. It is hard to realise that it may have been for his benefit in everything that he did. He has obviously been very clever and i have been manipulated and setup for him to leave.
He was seeing a woman since my daughter was 4 months old and i've just clicked at how he was behaving. He set things up to look like he was doing his best before he went. I just can't believe he can be so cruel to me.
Hi Ellen,
hope you are ok at the moment at least. Just reading here some and wanted to add that my guy did exactly the same thing and the first one, 13 years ago too. These two men both have very high IQ and are very clever.
Their manipulation is intelligent and dangerous because of it. One thing though, I'm not sure if someone who isn't so smart would simply leave sooner or any easier than a more "thinking," woman would. Seems to me like the less educated a woman is the longer she might stay, but I really do not know. Still, we all try and figure it out. I think that is a normal human reaction. And all these guys say the same thing, "You are the most giving, kind, generous woman I've ever known," my guy said. "You do not deserve a sicko like me," and blah blah blah. That is what they say. Even after he said this though he sent me an email not too long ago offering to pay me for sex, "if you can learn to compartmentalize your feelings and separate your heart," he said, "then you can earn a lot of money and we can make some new hot memories." I cut him off that day. NC since. I have two dollars in the bank so it makes me mad that he used money to try and get back with me and get what he really wanted, a sex partner without any feelings. Still it is confusing b/c we had such a great time together before the one day when he changed. He did change in one day. A day when I told him I didn't feel right about things. I've never seen or heard from the man I fell for since that day! We had a satisfying sexual relationship. We had lots of good times. We laughed and enjoyed each other a great deal. Yes, he was a bit kinky and was always fantasizing but it never got out of hand until after that day and then came the offers to pay me for nude photos, sex videos and sex.
Seems like if he was really moving on as he pretends to be (any contact I've had with him since that day has always included him remarking on some nude model he recently photoed. I ignored this. Pretended not to hear it. Said I lost his call. In the email when he described their bodies and how much it turned him on I told him I lost the email. I refuse to let him think it hurt me, even though it did. If he was having such a good time photoing these women, why would he be offering to pay me big bucks to do it when I am 45, skinny so pretty much flat unowhere, but he says he needs my slim body for silhouettes. "Even thou my last model was very well endowed," he said in the email, "the camera added extra weight onto her so only pics that were good were of her breasts." Freakoid right? Jerk, a--hole, sigh...
At least one thing is true, we are too good for them. One thing they like is to think that you do not think highly of yourself. I recommend faking this, lying if you have too, and pretending if you must, to have the highest self image you could possibly imagining portraying. Do not let him know that you think anything is your fault (as one would in a normal relationship)-- don't let him ever know that you are so confused because he will love it!
Good luck and I am glad you are still coming here.
calamity gina
Thanks for the help this weekend Gina, i don't know if i've replied to everything you have written cos it disappears of the home page quickly.
This site is helping me, along with reading a lot, i need to break through the denial.
I'm not sure that intelligence makes any difference to when you leave. I have 4 qualifications but i don't think i would have left any time soon. How can you leave something that you don't know is happening to you. If these people show you what you want to see then why would there be anything wrong anyway. I just spent a lot of time crying, feeling angry and not knowing why. I was sure of his love and had no reason to think otherwisw. Like you said, your ex changed in a day. It's that fast.
I really do feel like i am in a cocoon.........not just about his but about my whole life. I wonder what colour butterfly i will finally be lol.
You are right, it's business only from now on, when i have to have contact which will be never i now hope. I won't show my human side, no emotion and will only look positive. I was an open book to be tormented and abused with before and i had no idea as i could never hurt a person who trusted me. I'm so angry now aaaaaaaaaarrrrRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Believe it! He is abusing you and trying to twist it as showing care and concern? He does that so he can go on his merry way, continuing his bad behavior and not having to feel guilty for it. It also affords him the opportunity to come back to you at anytime because you will buy into the fact that his motives are always for your best interest.
This is a con man. Oh, and how they love the game of "I'm doing this for YOUR own good". "Look at what a low life I am. I do not want to cause you pain because I love you so much". He also is making himself a victim so you will feel bad for him. "Look how I cant help what I do." "I need help, not you. You are so good to me."
Oh, I know this game well because it was one of my ExN's favorites.
Believe what he does not what he says. Bottom line is that he has abandoned you for someone else. Take away all the words and manipulations and what do you have?
Do you believe that somehow YOUR narc is different than all the others? That his profile does not match the rest because he cares for you? I mean, look how he tells you so, so it must be true.
They are all the same, Ellen. Open your eyes. Open your mind to the truth. Not HIS truth. But the truth of his actions.
He is no longer interested in you and has lost respect for you a long time ago because you believe his lies. Stop it!
He is a liar, manipulator, and a very sick man. He is no different from all the rest.
You need a wake up call.
Hello, Ellen..this is reality calling. Get clear of this abusive monster. Run, Ellen!
~Free to Be~
Thanks Dolce,
I am running believe me. It's a lot to take in.
I have spent all weekend in self blame.....thanks to everyone who helped me this weekend.. Then i woke up yesterday with a realisation that he had been playing me for a few months in order to set up the leaving.
I am having NC right now and thats when i can think and assess whats just happened in the last two years of my life and how did i not see this.
I really believed everything he said. I thought he was a responsible, caring human being who only wanted my happiness. Why wouldn't i see that. If i thought otherwise i wouldn't have stayed. It's only the way that he left that now makes me see what he is truly like.......this is not something that my body or mind really wants to do though cos it hurts.
That text saying he drove me to it was in the early days of the relationship and isnt recent. Now he blames me, thats why i had been thinking it must have been me cos he knew it wasn't before so now he must know it is.
I have been pregnant and with a young baby for half the relationship so i was probably easy to mould.
It the bit about them watching your emotions i find really eerie. I was always so emotinal, i cried a lot and acted out his anger.
Is this why i used to say dont say 'yes dear' and then as he knew it bothered me he would say it more. And when i was scared when driving along a mountain road he would go slightly faster therefore not helping my fear to subside..........my son told me he had done this as i couldn't remember well didnt even notice.
If i have any more realisations lately im going to burst.
I didn't know he was such a heartless person.
He's a con man. "confidence man". Pure and simple. And you were his victim. Just one victim in a long line of victims.
Sleeping Beauty is waking up. You will be alright. Stronger even for having gone through this. Just keep in the forefront of your mind that it wasnt your fault. That you Will come through this the better.
~Free to Be~
yes - Psycho-Boy used to tell me I was "too good" and "too good for him" and he was "trying to protect me from him."
Now of course he smears & slanders me like I am filth.
Puh-leeze... Ellen THIS IS NOT A HUMAN. This is a creature with ZERO SOUL and NO HEART. It's all TALK for mind control.
WATCH THE ACTIONS!!!
NEVER NEVER NEVER THE EMPTY WORDS!!!
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"Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
definitely relate
the pictures thing reminded me
not normal, not human
Ellen - please read the TOP POST
not normal people!
This one has got me
he did it for my sake yeah right
Ellen - are you kidding?
oh how the abuse takes effect
how the abuse takes effect
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My Blog
thanks Gina
Ellen
i'm running
He's a con man. "confidence
'for your own good'