Narcissists Are NOT Normal People

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#1 Mar 31 - 11PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Narcissists Are NOT Normal People

by Kathy Krajco

Here is an example of what I mean when I warn against 'assuming that narcissists act on normal human premises.'

The victim thinks she can get through to him, because, "After all, why would he want to hurt me?"

Stop. She has made a wrong assumption. She is assuming that it's about her. Wrong. She is assuming that her welfare matters. Wrong.

It's ALL, ALL, ALL about him, the narcissist. Abusing her to treat her like dirt makes him feel grand. It has the same effect on him that a hit of heroin has on a drug addict. The pain in her eyes at being shamefully treated makes him feel powerful and grand to dominate and kick her around so. (Insert his inner Tarzan yell here.) Her pain has a pain-killing effect on him. It makes him feel good, because this delusion seals over his deep-seated knowledge that he is scum.

So, since this balm of treating another like dirt feels good, she does it. Period.

That's all there is to a narcissist.

Nothing else matters. It's ALL, ALL, ALL about getting the next hit of his drug. Nothing else even gets considered. Which is why narcissists even damage their own children and their own business just to get a hit of their glorious drug.

Oh, and by the way, it hurts her? So what? What's that to him, the Center of the Universe? You might as well expect him to consider the consequences to some bug of not making sure he doesn't step on it.

Ask a three-year-old to consider the consequences of her actions on others. She won't, will she? She'll just refuse to. You will get just as far (= nowhere) with a 50-year-old narcissist.

He thinks you're a sap. It ain't wrong unless you get caught, and he knows how to NOT get caught. And he thinks that if you're too stupid to figure that out, you deserve whatever he does to you.

In a way, it's the victim's own ego that does her in. She won't admit that, in his esteem, she is nothing, zip, nada, zilch. That's degrading, humiliating. But it's the truth. And until she faces that fact, she is dead meat.

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/07/malignant-narcissists-are-not-no...

Apr 29 - 1AM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Scary true

I've never encountered anyone else in my life that didn't care if they hurt someone...and not only that....will straight out tell you to your face that they don't care if you are hurt, that they were "righteous" in hurting you, and oh my the way, they don't plan on stopping what they are doing because it is due to some higher, "righteous" cause. It is sick and demented. I made it so clear to him how hurt I was when he sent me hateful emails when I was in the hospital and implied very kindly that I would like at least an acknowledgement that what he did was heartless. He couldn't even acknowledge that those were heartless actions (and I was very calm and kind in discussing this, it would have been very easy for him to at least acknowledge, I wasn't even asking for an apology). He couldnt' do it. I can't think of anyone on the planet that would even say these kinds of hurtful things in these types of circumstances to begin with....let alone, when it was brought to their attention how hurtful it was - not even apologize. It is mind boggling, unbelievably true! Ask a three-year-old to consider the consequences of her actions on others. She won't, will she? She'll just refuse to. You will get just as far (= nowhere) with a 50-year-old narcissist.
Apr 28 - 4PM
foolmeonce
foolmeonce's picture

So true!

And he thinks that if you're too stupid to figure that out, you deserve whatever he does to you There were so many times I asked him why he treated me the way he did - I asked him how he would feel if I did the same to him. He told me "I would never allow myself to be treated that way" Other times he would say mean things then tell me that I was stupid to put up with it. Guess that's the one true thing he ever said.
Apr 28 - 7PM (Reply to #44)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

not human

this is why we all must realize we will NEVER figure them out - or know WHY - even the experts can't figure them out what we do know now is that their brain structure & chemistry is NOT LIKE OURS. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 28 - 4PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Narcissists Are NOT Normal

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Feb 21 - 8PM
tasha
tasha's picture

....

I think one of the hardest things to grasp is they are indeed 'not normal'. I always blamed myself, thought I could have done things better or different. Truth is-nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome. Absolutely nothing. You can't expect anything from these people. Not understanding or proper reasoning or compassion. They don't care. Physically they look the same, pychologically they are different. It's unfortunate that most of the women here have seen what makes them 'different' from us. Hardwired differently is the best way to describe them or just not right.
Feb 22 - 8PM (Reply to #41)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

This is so important to remember

They are hardwired differently on the inside. They do not build relationships with people, they seek their destruction. Great description you provided, thank you Tasha!
Feb 21 - 3AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

not normal people

firstly...Narcs and Psychopaths are not human......period... when i try to explain this to people...that the psychonarc is not human.....i use the Terminator as an analogy......looks like the Governor of California.....but is not......is a MACHINE disguised in flesh..... they are NOT human...and they are NOT animals...they are living breathing machines.....because they LACK what makes people and animals what they are.....a SOUL... IMO all these machines are defective...and need to be recalled and recycled into something useful...like fertilizer for rose bushes..........
Feb 21 - 5PM (Reply to #39)
rache
rache's picture

could it be

That these are those who's conscience hAs been seared???????
Feb 20 - 4PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

narcissists - not normal people

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Nov 3 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NOT NORMAL PEOPLE

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Aug 13 - 7PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I have Always wondered

distinguishing the difference between mentally sick and highly disturbed, I once asked my counselor if my N was mentally ill and he said NO, HIGHLY DISTURBED is how he labeled him, I fail to see the difference but I guess I could settle for highly disturbed both are not good. How does a highly disturbed person function in society, hold down a job for 20 some years, accumulate wealth, success, invest well, his lacking ability to love and walk around without remorse or conscious hasnt hindered his rank and achievements and what he appears to be. While he is vacationing on some remote beautiful tropical island sipping a drink with an umbrella in it, we the ones that can love and are decent human beings seem to have more share of our struggles than the highly successful narcissist. Yet he is labeled "highly disturbed" or mentally ill? I think society is quick to assume because an individual has acquired status, wealth, that they are stable and secure and must be doing something right to achieve such things, they are smart, educated, who would think such an individual would be disturbed until you enter their world. Mine told me he owned several apart buildings at one time and I commented, oh so you are a "slum lord" huh? and he replied no just THE LORD, he did that for several years I guess and made a fortune until he got tired of it taking up all his time and sold everything, he probably took sex for rent knowing him, I wonder if all their business transactions are shady, they are always out for themselves. As much as I hate to admit this my N was highly intelligent, very educated with stock markets, investments, has wealthy friends and associates, yet again dont forget this man is highly disturbed and mentally sick and in the end we are left mentally unhealthy and deeply wounded from associating with them at least I was. He probably viewed me as a complete idiot. THis frustrates me to no end
Nov 19 - 6AM (Reply to #35)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

cynthia

Hi cynthia, The film the American Psycopath actually has a character like that in it, wealthy, good job nice apartment, mixes with up market people. You should see what he was doing on the side yuk.
Aug 13 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

WHO GIVES A RAT'S A** ABOUT THE OPINION OF A DISORDERED PATHOLOGICAL PERSON??!?!?!?! HOW CAN YOU GIVE WHAT THEY SAY OR THINK ANY WEIGHT KNOWING HOW SICK THEY ARE?! HELL, THEY ARE NOT EVEN HUMAN! To them everyone is an object. They think everyone else is a complete idiot. Of course this is complete projection. The idiot is not you or anyone else. Let him think what he wants - and continue on in the hell of his own making. The very oxygen he breathes IS ALL A LIE. Listen to last night's BlogTalkRadio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 13 - 9PM (Reply to #33)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

true

when I can stop caring what the pathological think I will be better off, it is the opinions of healthy people I seek and care about. Never thought about it that way Barbara, I am too occupied with seeking his approval when i must always remember who wants approval from a non human sick person its sort of like wanting approval from a psychopath and that is just not right
Aug 13 - 11PM (Reply to #34)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

let me relate yet another story about my Histronic NarcMother... one day she was going on & on that some other woman in the condo complex where she & my Dad lived was spouting off a very nasty opinion about her. She was angry. I said "Ma, first of all anyone who carries stories back & forth isn't your friend." She gave me that lazer-beam death glare that by then, had ZERO effect on me. Then I said, "and do you like this woman?" She said "No... I never liked her and I can't bear to even say hello to her." So I told her, "why are you interested in the opinion or validation of someone you neither respect or like?" My NarcMom RAGED at me and I just left and went shopping for a while. When I got back she said "You're right... I shouldn't care." But then she added, "Is that why you never listen to anything I say about YOU?" I hope my smile, silence and walking away answered her question. She raged but I just acted like I didn't even hear her. Who cares what he thinks? You can't make sense out of a disordered mind... so worrying about his f**ked up opinion? or what he says? Puhleeeze. When people tell me what Psycho-Boy says about me these days I just laugh and say, "he said that? LOL!!" and then I leave. If they say "well, how does that make you feel?" I respond, "I don't feel anything but very sorry for anyone that actually listens to him." That usually puts a quick end to the 'bystanders.' and, btw - if they think or say I am a bitch... I say "thank you. Bitch stands for Babe In Total Control of Herself." AND WALK AWAY!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 12 - 6PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

good for deprogramming

some good literature my therapist wanted me to read, part of seeing thru the con and illusion, I think I am headed in the right direction, This is why I do not refer to Free-Beingness as “enlightenment” or as a “spiritual” teaching, and do not hold myself up as a leader of any kind. In order to get to real and true Free-Beingness you have to get beyond the rank deception that is in words like those, and all that those words mean, and all the con games that those words hide. You have to get beyond looking to a leader or a guru to bring you to some promised land. All of these people are psychopathic con artists looking only for their own self interests. They are enlisting you to play the game. You have to see that it is not your game, it is theirs! They are evil manipulators – many of them using heightened psychic and spiritual energies in their games (like Hitler and the Nazis did) – who are only out for themselves, no matter how much they might talk about Oneness and Love and Bliss, etc. These are just bullshit words to fool you, to reel you in to the universal con game.
Aug 12 - 6PM (Reply to #23)
April (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

vengeful and venting

Thanks for saying that, Cynthia. I am needing of a lot of reminders today. Absolutely. My ex N has "oneness, love, and bliss" all over his twitter page and is an aspiring spiritual writer. I know people believe him; I did and so many many others did as well. He used energy very often to manipulate his prey, at least I know he did with me and I am quite certain he did others. I was very much thrown off my game and didn't know what was happening. I know this kind of thing sounds like, woo, woo stuff, but it really happened to me. I feel like he syncronized us in some strange way. For many months afterwards, I could feel him, literally feel him from afar. I could feel his moods, his anger, his vengence and when he needed me, etc.. I predicted the DAY he returned. I told a friend of mine one hour prior to his call. He is not gone; I just know it. He called one hour later. This was before the site. he could call all day long now and there would be deafening silence on the other end. I dreamed of him every night for months. I couldn't shake it; I was like haunted woman. I thought it would never end. Now, I only reflect in terms of reframing what I thought was real. I don't want him in any way now. Nothing. I wish to never come across his path again. I am trying to assimilate all that I learned from him, definitely. I am coming out of a fog. I was walking dead for a year. I was truly traumatized. The saddest part of the whole thing was my blaming myself. I generally tend to take too much of the blame for things anyway; that is my deal. But, the complete flip flop and the D&D. He was MORE than happy to have me take the blame. He loved that in fact. I was never given an explanation and I what if'd over and over and over. I cried more tears than culminated throughout my entire life and for what- A FARCE. That is what is so sad. I lost so much time in self blame, shame, and depression. Some days, I still don't know if I will fully recover. I am still in process. He felt nothing and goes on with his life stronger than before, having fully benefited from our relationship. I gave him everything I had. He saw the most gentle, vulnerable, fragile parts of me. He saw the most beautiful parts of me and all the while, it wasn't respected or even cared for in the slightest bit. I struggle with not being bitter. I don't want to be bitter, not because it is not justified. If ever it was justified, it is in our cases! I just don't like the way it feels and I damn sure don't like him to have further control of me. This is last time I am going to say it, F**K HIM! He won't beat me! I will get up from this place and I will own my life again. I don't wish for his demise, but I damn sure won't feel sorry for his inevitable ruin. He will ruin himself, in his stupidity and self denial. Oh yes, he might be high on the hog today, but he will fall again. He will perhaps have someone else to pick up the pieces just as I did. I know what comes around goes around and I am getting closer to not giving a shit what will be coming around for him. I feel like I have had a relapse in negative thinking today. I just needed to vent.
Aug 12 - 7PM (Reply to #30)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i hear ya

after Barbara stressed these men MIND CONTROL it really hit a nerve why my recovery was STUCK for so long as it has been. You have to go back and UNDO all the brainwashing they did, its a hard hard journey and I know now that is where my pain is coming from, I have to remove the man that presented this illusion to me, I can still have my dreams but I must remove HIM, he was in human form but he was far from human behavior as normal people know. I too look back at all the WASTED love and tears I did, for NOTHING, it was all for absolutely nothing, we were never loved back. Traumatic and walking around like a zombie unable to feel, just numb. I am getting further and further away from blaming myself, why should we blame ourselves April, what possible reason? Because we loved like a normal human being and gave them the love they will never feel? We loved a very disturbed person but we werent aware they hid it very well, they are quite aware or they wouldnt go to the great lengths to hide it and put the act on. This was the worst experience I have ever had in my life and by far the most difficult to recover from, some days I still feel dead. I know and expect bad days but then a good day comes and thats another step for me to move forward to erase everything he did to me mentally, one step backwards, two steps forward I can handle that. They are not truly happy, they are not truly ANYTHING, happy is an emotion that cant really experience, happy to them is power and control and winning, its not a fuzzy warm feeling normal people can feel, they smile when they know they have screwed someone over and conned them, not only do they not care but they truly enjoy causing pain to others and we know what that is called projection. I want to be rid of this sick man in my thoughts and replace him with good thoughts about myself that is exactly why we are chosen by these people because we are unique and special and I am still that same person he just wont be around anymore to take away all my good virtues so he can feel normal, he is someone elses problem and heartache that is all they are is a problem to everyone they encounter. I will not let this deformed person destroy my life, it makes no sense. I am better than that. Maybe tomorrow we both will have a good day and I hope the good days get more frequent but we should both thank god we are out
Aug 12 - 7PM (Reply to #24)
baddream
baddream's picture

This is all true-April.

Yes, I can so relate to these words you have written. He is so evil and you were so good to him. You showed him and gave him the best parts of you, you opened up to him and he used you and discarded you, no explanation given. If that wasn't bad enough, he hasn't let you go. His evil spirit follows you everywhere you go. I too get that weird psychic energy thing and I feel the moods,know when he needs to "feed", know when he is lonely and know when he is going to set a trap, start another manipulation game, or contact me. He started it all up the other day, and I know he will be coming for me again. I get a creepy feeling all over--yes, he is living inside me and I'm having a hard time exorcising him.. Yes, the vampire will be coming again to feed. I sit here, drained & worn, writing in my journal, reading the messages on this forum and gathering my strength to push him away and not cave in when he returns. Oh, they are such evil monsters, all of them.
Nov 4 - 9PM (Reply to #29)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

The deep implant thing

Wow,,I have that "possession" experience as well,,it is difficult to explain to people who have not been abused,,it is like they dig a hole deep within you, and fill it up with their evil.. The evil is them, it is not you,,go on and be happy!!!!
Aug 12 - 8PM (Reply to #25)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Oh Wow

This gave me a chills up and down my spine. Because it's true. I can't quite tell how long each of you have been out of these relationships, but a few of you have said a year or so. I've only been a month and not even really because he keeps showing up (not in person). But I remember the other day that I wrote he contacted me... I knew he was going to. I just woke up and knew it! But that's the way our whole relationship was... I knew when he would be silent, I knew when the day was going to be "okay", I knew that something was gonna blow on other days. It's like I could "feel" him or him me. And it was very creepy, but for a long time I thought it was a deep bond that allowed me to keep forgiving. And he was out of town playing piano gigs about half our relationship so these feelings were often had and right on the money when he was hundreds of miles from home. It's the strangest thing I've ever experienced and it just seems to go on. I know I haven't heard the last of him.... not by a long shot. But I can tell you I won't hear from him for the next couple of days. But unfortunately... Sunday is my birthday. I'll hear from him... but he'll try to ruin it somehow. He always did. But ladies and gents ... my friends are taking me (making me) go out Saturday night. Sunday is the actual day and i was originally planning on staying alone Saturday night and feeling sorry for myself... seriously - how pathetic is that? But I'm going out and I'm planning on whooping it up at this point. Why not right?
Aug 13 - 6AM (Reply to #28)
tina
tina's picture

Happy Birthday finallydone

You share a birthday with my daughter! Glad to hear you are going out with friends, do not let him get the best of you, he is not worth you sitting by yourself when you have the opportunity to spend time with people who truly care about you. Honestly, if he shows up, you and your friends should not even acknowledge him. If he calls and acts sweet because it is your birthday, hang up on him and better yet...DO NOT ANSWER the phone. You deserve better than a self absorbed middle aged momma's boy that thinks he's Billy Joel... :)
Aug 12 - 8PM (Reply to #26)
baddream
baddream's picture

Twilight Zone

It has been 5 months for me, finallydone. It was scary--the other day when his friend wrote me an e-mail telling me that N had dropped in after all those months of ignoring him, I had been reading old e-mails from that same friend, it was a strange psychic connection. I don't know why that stuff happens. They definitely planted something inside us that they can activate. I know this sounds outlandish. I am actually an intelligent person with 2 master degrees!! (I am not trying to sound narcissistic--an educated woman should not be making statements like that, I think maybe what happened to us is what happens to people who are in a cult) I do believe that successful therapy needs to involve hypnosis or some other form of deprogramming. I do not think normal "talk" therapy is going to work because what is inside of me defies rationality. very, very scary.
Aug 13 - 12PM (Reply to #27)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i have a great counselor

he is amazing, he addressed co dependency issues within myself, my past abusive and current abusive relationship and reasons why I was always attracted to these types, eww these bad boy types are exciting arent they but ewwwwww so dangerous they are just everything we ever wanted arent they? WRONG, when I reached within myself I truly discovered what I have always wanted with a partner not what I was pre conditioned with past abuse to accept. I dont want a push over for a partner one that I can walk all over that I would not respect but one that can stand firm and guide me and be respectful at the same time. And oh yes you are a smart woman two master degrees, it was never our lack of intelligence that allowed us to be played we can only put trust in what we hear, it crumbles when their actions dont match what they say and promise us. I They know the words but not the music, well WE know the music and how it is supposed to be played, they never will. Getting back on track during my couseling I do believe he tried to deprogram what this man did to me by mentally, my counselor would take away the sugar coated charm and translate what he was REALLY trying to do, the evil guts of the brainwashing, he tried showing me how ugly, and evil this man really was, its hard to deprogramm when you are in a deep spell and you have been brainwashed. Now its easier for me to deprogramm because I woke up. Normal talk therapy wont cut it, it can soothe you but it wont deprogramm and reverse anything and that is what must be done to free ourselves, only my opinion
Aug 11 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

never assume with a narcissist

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Jun 27 - 1AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

narcs are NOT NORMAL PEOPLE

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 7 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

this is important to remember

DO NOT 'JUDGE' or try to 'FIGURE OUT' the Narc based on your experience with OTHER NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS. They aren't NORMAL. Neither are they truly HUMAN. IMHO - they are a horrid dark spirited life form that must be avoided at our own peril. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Aug 11 - 6PM (Reply to #18)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

does it matter the reasons why we were used

Here is the sting, you have advised its best not to figure them out, when I came to terms why I was charmed and conned for the purpose he had for me that was the center of my pain and to this day still is. I was merely used for the purpose of future orgies with this man, his actions have made that clear. He established my trust, love, then the brainwashing began to participate in this experience with him, he used his girlfriend to entice me, and many other clever tactics in his bag of tricks. While I realize its not important the WHYS its quite a far picture from the prince charming he was pretending to be to how it ended wanting to watch me degrade myself in such activities, that is hard to accept, it was the extreme opposite of what I thought he was, NO I NEVER PARTICIPATED, if I had it wouldnt have made any difference, only for him to call me a whore I am sure with good reason. THis is what he wanted, he wanted to take my good virtues and destroy them and be part of his sick world. A far cry from that mr right I thought he was, for a man to cultivate and carefully plan this is the sickest form of human behavior I have ever encountered. Some days I cant even believe it the pain is so overwhelming
Aug 11 - 7PM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

did you read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS yet? are you in counseling? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
May 11 - 4PM
fairy wings
fairy wings's picture

Victim's ego

A friend of my once said she thought my intellect had been my downfall. At the time this puzzled me, however I now understand what she meant. I stayed to try and make sense of it all; my son observed I began to live my life like a research project, however I couldn't leave until I could understand what he did and how he did it. My friend said someone with less intelligence might have thought, 'this feels wrong I'm ending it!' The above article brings this home to me. Thank you.