The narcissist in therapy

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#1 Jun 21 - 2PM
adoette
adoette's picture

The narcissist in therapy

My Xnarc sees a therapist, I think mostly for depression. But he never gets better. Oh, he "feels" better (temporarily) when he sees his therapist, but honest-to-pete he does not GET better. (Surprise, surprise.)

I think my xN was super-special (Do I get a prize?) in that he saw a therapist.

It's my understanding that most Ns don't bother with therapy (Since they are as brilliant as the therapist and could teach HER/HIM a thing or two).

Did your narc go to therapy? If so, what did he go for? Did it seem to "help" at all? What do you think his motivation was for going?

Honestly, I don't know why he bothers going. Maybe he knows he'd go completely insane if it weren't for therapy. But wait. That would take some self-insight....so, I don't know.

Jun 26 - 6PM
wisdomneeded
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Therapy????

My daughter talked her XN bf into going to see her counselor after a holiday explosion. She sat there with her mouth opened as he proceeded to explain to the counselor how he had no idea why he was there. He had NO PROBLEM WITH HIS MOM WANTING HIM IN BED ON CHRISTMAS EVE AT 10PM TO RECEIVE SANTA PRESENTS (he was an almsot 19 year old freshman in college). The counselor point blank said you two need to take a break from each other. The N broke down in tears saying "i love her so much". boo hoo! After the session my daughter suggested maybe he should seek additional counseling and he pridefully said "NOPE". "Just did not connect with that guy". WTH really!
Jun 27 - 8AM (Reply to #18)
adoette
adoette's picture

wisdomneeded

Wow. That is something! Sounds like the therapist was right on in saying that they needed a break. Funny how the N said that he just didn't connect with that guy. Now we know they can't connect with anyone. Poor souls. Oops, no, they don't have souls. Poor empty vessels...
Jun 26 - 2PM
janine
janine's picture

Narc and therapy

My N begged me to take him to a psychiatrist when he had a breakdown. What had broken down was his chain of supply,i.e.work and money, because he'd wasted heaps on yet another weird project. Plus he had a problem with alcohol. He was taken into the psychiatric ward and insisted I must be there to hold his hand. I did despite having doubts he'd last long in therapy. Everyone deserves a chance. Soon as he got better from medication he started devaluing the therapist. When told he'd need in-patient therapy for several months he left just as I had expected. He stopped taking his pills a few weeks later claiming they were affecting his unique personality, LOL. I didn't try to talk him into continuing therapy, as by then I'd learned how difficult it is with NPD. It helped a little in so far as he thinks twice about biting off more than he can chew. His motivation had been that he simply could no longer cope. That thread hangs over his life like a dark cloud. He's had brief treatment for bouts of anxiety several times. He also reads up on NPD and borderline, which is why I'm careful what I tell on this forum. Adoette, I agree that some have self-insight. When you think about narcissism in depth though, doesn't the N's grandiosity as such simply prevent any chance for healing? Since it is all they have ever had to hold onto it makes sense from a logical aspect they cannot give it up.
Jun 27 - 8AM (Reply to #16)
adoette
adoette's picture

janine

I think that in the big picture that is true, janine. That it would be too too much for them to truly look at themselves, because their fake self is what rules the day. Like you said, that is all they have to hold on to. It's funny, because looking back, my psychopath would dapple in the question, "Was it me or was it him?" (that screwed things up), but it ALWAYS ended up being the other person's fault. Even when he didn't come out and say that, it was obvious he felt that way. I mean, if only everyone else in this world would pursue justice and peace as passionately and honorably as he does, we'd be living in a utopia. lol.
Jun 26 - 6AM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Mine tried the self-help

Mine tried the self-help route in a clear moment (bought and read lots of books on how to make relationships work etc.). That clear moment lasted for about 2 weeks until he met OW and could start his game of hunting women again. That must've worked for him because those books were never mentioned again. Once, when I spoke to him on the phone, I asked him if he was working on his new relationship using those self-help books and he said no. Surprised?
Jun 24 - 4PM
Erali
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My XNP told me that HE was MY

My XNP told me that HE was MY therapist :)
Jun 26 - 5AM (Reply to #13)
adoette
adoette's picture

erali

oh, that's precious!
Jun 25 - 11AM
dolphingirl
dolphingirl's picture

Therapy expert

My ex-narc went to therapy only so that he could declare himself to be a realtionship expert. He told me that I should listen to him and do what he said because he had a few sessions with a therapist and now knew exactly what I was supposed to do to make a relationship work. Therapy made him worse, unbearable really. Of course if I can detach some, it is quite hillarious how he could go off in a rage like a lunatic psycho killer, and tell me that he was just sharing his feelings and I was supposed to listen and not interupt him. I caught him in a blatant lie once about OW and he told me that I subconsiously projected my unresolved issues with my father onto him and that I wasn't "bad" for doing this, just very confused. They will use therapy against you, to make you think you are crazy
Jun 24 - 11AM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I've read that in therapy

I've read that in therapy they learn to be more effective in manipulating other people and disguising their disorder. They hone their game and learn how to better fool others, including the therapist. They will often fake being rehabilitated. I also read that if a couple goes in for couple's counseling, they will learn more about their partner as they reveal themselves in the sessions and more effective ways to abuse them. This is one of the reasons mental health professionals throw their hands up in the air when it comes to treating them, because it's not only useless, it's dangerous.
Jun 24 - 8AM
adoette
adoette's picture

Thomas Sheridan

I'm listening to Thomas Sheridan radio interview that scoop posted. He says that therapy makes the N WORSE. Huh.
Jun 24 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

If you think about it makes

If you think about it makes perfect sense. Therapy, especially couples therapy, teaches better communication skills. And nothing like pouring your heart out to the counselor about your fears, frustrations, innermost thoughts, while your N sits there taking mental notes about how he can further torment you.
Jun 23 - 10AM
Gracerella
Gracerella's picture

My exNH LOOOVES himself some

My exNH LOOOVES himself some therapy. He went before we were married, we went together before our wedding, went back several times whenever issues arose (looking back, every issue was related to his narcissism, and I could smack that therapist for seeing us for YEARS and never catching it). We saw a marriage therapist, sometimes twice a week at his request, in the 9 months leading up to the decision to divorce. It was this woman that suggested he have a psych eval done, which came back with a NPD diagnosis. He began seeing an individual therapist towards the end of that time, and now, 2 years later, is still in weekly therapy. BUT-he's not a narcissist. He prefers the term "selfishness". If he were a narcissist, he wouldn't be in therapy (as he tells me OFTEN). But therapy was, for him, a captive audience. I used to DREAD those joint sessions because he would talk for literally 40 minutes. I would sit and stare out the window at the skyline and daydream until my participation was needed. Now he likes to tell me what his therapist supposedly thinks about me, how I'm the narcissist, I'm awful, I'm selfish and horrible, I'm damaging our kids. Funny...I'm not the one with a professional diagnosis...
Jun 24 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Projection and using others

to tell us how sick we are. Of course we're sick, we've been narced over a period of years, it makes me soul sick to think how I took all the abuse. Classic narc moves--- My therapist said My mom said My bestfriend said My new lover said My old lover said My X said The garbage man said My co-worker said The Minister said blah yak boring predictable....narcky say, narcky do. A narc wants to dominate and control, it is well hidden sometimes, but that is their game...winner-loser Let them find another victim, not my problem, I can't fix it or them. NC for me is the best policy, I've done it and it works better than anything else.
Jun 26 - 5AM (Reply to #7)
adoette
adoette's picture

done sourcing

"blah yak boring predictable....narcky say, narcky do" I love this, DS!
Jun 21 - 8PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

My first N in my early

My first N in my early twenties who was my BF for three years had been in therapy for at least ten years when I met him - he was fourteen years my senior. He was as nuts as the day is long and as cheating and abusive as they come. His therapy was in the form of Jungian analysis rather than good old talk therapy which, if anything could have helped him, that would have. I saw instantly that he did not take it seriously because he had composed comical songs to the name of the doctor, and would laugh all day about how his shrink was now falling asleep in his sessions. I don't think that's a laughing matter. I had a therapist who had begun to take painkillers back in my twenties and one day she like passed out in her chair, and although it sounds hilarious looking back, at the time I left her and never saw her again. I needed serious help for the anxiety disorder that has plagued me for so many years. So I knew the N was full of shit in terms of taking therapy seriously. He saw it as rather a funny thing, a conversation piece when we went out to dinner. Lovely, huh?
Jun 21 - 6PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

useless for them

He went a few time swith me at his suggestion but did not go back when the therapist said he needed to go by himself for his depression and with first wife, went to a bunch of different therapist and she got no where, he acted like he knew more than the therapist she told me, hopeless with them
Jun 21 - 3PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

SUPPLY SUPPLY SUPPLY SUPPLY SUPPLY

IMAGE IMAGE IMAGE IMAGE AND TO LEARN NEW TRICKS! oh and ATTENTION by a professional that is mandated by the 45 minute "hour" to cater to whatever he wants to discuss...and humor him...Narcs like that a lot...it makes them feel "special" I posted this on another thread...and here's what the therapist gets... http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2011/06/16/resource-perspectives-everything-about-the-sociopath-invites-us-in/
Jun 21 - 2PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

My narc went a couple of times with me

No big surprise he stopped going because it wasn't his problem it was mine, lol!!! I know of a couple of Narcs who have been going for years so they can get SSI. They don't get any better either. As Sam says, they simply get better at conning their therapists. I have an example of that in MA. A nurse assigned to the lockdown unit in MAX security Walpole Prison. Just goes to show that they can fool professionals as well. Mass. nurse denied bail in prison escape plot By Marie Szaniszlo The Boston Herald Caption: Deborah Girouard listens to evidence described by the district attorney during her arraignment in the Wrentham District Court in Wrentham, Mass., Nov. 26, 2008. (AP Photo/Robert E. Klein, Pool) BOSTON, Mass. — A 44-year-old nurse and mother of five was ordered held without bail yesterday after she pleaded not guilty to charges of taking part in an elaborate scheme to help one of the state’s most dangerous inmates escape from prison. Deborah Girouard of Ashby allegedly told security at MCI-Cedar Junction that she had given inmate Che Sosa an eyeglass case containing three saw blades, a handcuff key and dental floss said to be capable of cutting through the Plexiglass in his cell, according to court records and prosecutors. In her locker, authorities also found a correction officer’s uniform and badge, a wig, fake fingernails and nail polish - props to be used in Sosa’s planned break-out tomorrow from the maximum-security prison, Assistant District Attorney Jennifer Rowe said in Wrentham District Court. Girouard, a University of Massachusetts Correctional Health nurse on contract at the prison since October 2007, had also given Sosa a pair of her underwear and a cell phone she would charge for him so the two could talk, Rowe said. “It was clear there was a relationship that had been established,” the prosecutor said. “The extent of that relationship is not known.” Girouard also bought a knife for Sosa, but when he asked her to smuggle in a gun, she refused, and he threatened her and her family, prompting her to come forward, Rowe said. Defense attorney Thomas Iovieno said Girouard disputes the charges and came forward voluntarily. Sosa, 39, is serving 40 to 55 years for nine counts of aggravated rape and is awaiting trial for allegedly stabbing his former defense attorney. Judge Warren Powers ordered Girouard held without bail, pending a Dec. 17 hearing. If convicted of delivering an article to an inmate and aiding the escape of a prisoner, she could find herself behind bars for up to 15 years. Mark Shelton, a UMass Correctional Health spokesman, said Girouard has worked for the program since 2005 and is on unpaid leave, pending the case’s outcome. Copyright © 2010 LexisNexis, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. Terms and Conditions Privacy Policy Copyright 2008 Boston Herald God bless, Goldie