The Narcissist - The Perennial Martyr

Narcissists almost make a career out of being victims. Ask any narcissist to tell you his story and you are bound to hear about the evil ex-wife, the ungrateful children, the idiotic and exploitative bosses, the crooked partner and every person who has been out to get them throughout their lives - which just about includes everyone they have ever encountered. Get involved with them and you will be the next addition to the list.

Then they get magnanimous and let you know how forgiving they are of all these people. Please realise that the so called forgiveness of a narcissist is a joke. Somewhere they have read or heard that forgiveness is a nice human quality and that it makes you look like a nice, rational person who actually gives a hoot about others.

They go to great lengths to understand the human species and win favour with the bulk of it, so they actually know about things like love and caring and kindness. They simply have no clue what it means, which doesn't really matter anyway. All that counts to them is the results they can get if they know how to effectively use these things.

They know that, "I love you" turns on your wishful thinking, forgiving nature or your guilt and gets them back in the door. The know that "I'm sorry" gets them forgiven and gives them license to do it all again. They know that "I'll change" buys them time to work on you some more. They know that their numerous excuses take the focus off them and get them off the hook.

When we simply accept these things and even protect abusers from the consequences of their actions, we are not only giving them permission to continue, but to escalate to even greater levels of abusive power and control.

If an abuser is going to change, it will be because he is forced to. For as long as he can keep getting away with his behaviours and keep you coming back for more, there will be no incentive to change.

For as long as he can make you feel sorry for him, he has you where he wants you.

We all, to some extent or another, have a need to be needed. We all, to some or other extent have an inner "hero". It is this that the martyr-abuser plays to. He wants us to not only feel sorry for him, but to believe that we can make it better. If he can play on this and nurture it, he is assured of a never-ending supply from us because when he doesn't "get better" we take it as our own personal failure rather than his responsibility.

from: http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-victims.html

AND

You will always be the victim, in every situation where someone tries to get close to you. You cannot relate to women as equals. You look for a strong-willed woman, latch on to her, but envy her strength and ability to express herself openly, so you attack her in vicious little ways. Ways so subtle that you can easily and convincingly deny any wrongdoing and make HER look like the crazy one for even suspecting that you are a passive-aggressive game player.

Read this whole great article here:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/martyr.shtml