The Narcissist with Animals

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#1 Jun 19 - 2AM
Gerri's picture

The Narcissist with Animals

Hi All,

My ex N has a lovely dog, who is very well trained. At first I thought that N was very adoring of the animal and generally loved him.

But as time went on I began to see weird controlling behaviors. I realised that the dog was not there for his own pleasure, but merely a puppet to control.

We were in the car one day off out for a walk and the dog was getting excited - queue an horrendous emergency stop - to which the dog went flying into the back of me.

I also witnessed the inappropriate use of a choke chain and a couple of other overly forced incidents.

His behaviour over the dog was twisted - controlling, cruel but then full of adoration.

Sometimes I worry that, perhaps when I was not there, his behaviour towards the dog would be of some concern.

I should have seen these flags coming a mile off :-(

Did anyone else witness their N being cruel to animals?
Obviously children are the biggest concern under the care of an N - however I myself do not have children, so do not have this experience to relate to.


Jun 26 - 7PM
onwithmylife's picture


Narc had a cute dog and punished him once by putting him in his storage shed because the poor dog had peed on the carpet of his place, the guy worked 8 hours a day and the dog, he was older, couldn't hold it in, he couldn't go outside when narc was working,yet he doted on the dog at other times and gave him the best food and everything. the dog really was very submissive and you could tell didn't really like him ,cause when I cam to visit for a few days the dog was SO happy to see me, they know, that I found out,one of his ex wives said he would kick their dog.
Jun 25 - 1PM
lisalisa47's picture

OMG....Do i ever..

My ex-narc's dog (MY dog now, and I LOVE HIM TO DEATH) started off being showered with love and being treated kindly. My narc also did a good job to an extent of training him to ride in the car, and even took him to puppy training. To this day, I have NO doubt whatsoever he loves him in his own sick and twisted way. BUT....he would confuse my poor dog (who is a pitbull and NOW HUGE) by playing tug of war with him, getting him to be "toy aggressive" then when the poor thing accidentally scratched him or nailed him, turning on him by yelling at him and then kicking him in the chest. My dog got to the point where if he heard the narc raise his voice he would slink off to the closet. If he thought the narc was attacking me, however, his hackles would raise and he would come at him slowly...growling that scary pit bull growl. But as fast as lightening, my narc's behaviour would change and he would be loving again. Luckily, my dog has since become socialized thanks to the great treatment and retraining my new BF has shown him...


Jun 23 - 10PM
ifinallygotit's picture

his dog

He bought a big showy expensive breed dog - he was good with training dogs in the past but this breed is stubborn and makes you work to get him to do things - ex N lacked patience for this dogs temperament and could not get dog to obey easily - this led to negtaive reinforcement and trying to dominate the willful but super sweet dog - IMO he did not spend enough time training or exercising the dog - they were very bonded though (he took good care with feeding, water and grooming) but I just disliked his training of him. I thought he was too mean to sweet dog who had too much energy - I think it hurt narc ego that his dog was not well behaved but still a great dog. EX N would play childish tricks on dog for sport (nothing ugly or mean), silly stuff like a kid - splashing water in his face or on top of his head - dumb stuff like that. Had we lived together we would have fought over the dog - he was a little jealous that the dog liked me so much and when i went to see ex N, the first 5 minutes were always spent with the dog instead of N because dog was insanely happy to see me and it took some time to get hi to settle down - he was an unfixed male so huge testosterone hyperness, but just a super loving dog. Ex N wanted a well behaved, quiet, big macho dog and instead got a lover boy who did not obey well...kind of funny but both me and dog got left behind when he moved for job. He of course visited dog and me when he blew through town - apparently dog went nuts when he saw him. I still miss the dog.
Jun 23 - 9PM
ValiditySeeker's picture

He put his own dog on a pedestal

And wanted to see how the dog liked me. He said dogs had a sixth sense about people. That comment was probably made to remind me that after several years of dating, he still had qualms about my "goodness" or morals or whatever. The dog would sniff me out, though. He could trust that dOg. Btw, the dog loved me so I guess I was supposed to be relieved. On the other hand, my roommate had a pet. He was insanely jealous of the roommate and he killed it. And yet MY morals were constantly being called into question. And I bet to this day, he still considers me to be "not good enough" for him. Sorry to upset anyone. I know that admission is harsh.
Jun 21 - 3PM
Goldie's picture

Psychopaths are more overtly cruel to animals than

Narcs in particular. Narc just give more of a shit about themselves than others and if the animal gets neglected, oh well. The police in MA now ask this question concerning domestic violence victims: Is he or she cruel to animals? Interesting. My X was a P/N and was angry with animals if they did not "behave" piece of shit. Most straight Narcs I've know, aren't mean to them just disinterested unless of course they are doing something cute and then they take all the credit. Phoney bastards. God bless, Goldie
Jun 21 - 2PM
twisted's picture

My exN loved animals. He gave

My exN loved animals. He gave money to the humane society. We had a cat that he was very protective of. But then he would forget that he left the cat on the balcony and leave her out there all night until I found her in the morning. Or he'd lock her in the bathroom without realizing it until hours later. And then he'd be angry at her for shitting in there while she was trapped. He was so self involved that he would spend the whole day at home and not even realize that her food or water dish was empty. He blamed the cat for doing to him on purpose. He'd point at the cat and say "her fault". Thank god I never had children with this man! Can you imagine? (ok, I'm honestly laughing at this nonsense right now. Feels good to laugh lol)
Jun 21 - 11AM
NinjaGirl's picture

My ex didn't particularly

My ex didn't particularly like animals, but he sort of tentatively tolerated my pets. One day he was driving, I was in the passenger seat, and it looked like he had hit a squirrel. I asked him to stop so I could make sure he hadn't (he hadn't), and he seemed really annoyed. I almost backhanded him for it. That was shortly before we broke up. If I had ever seen him actually hurt an animal, I would have killed him. No matter how much I thought I loved him, I have some core values that will ALWAYS take precedence over everything else, and my love for animals is one of them. My current boyfriend, on the other hand, has seven horses, five cats, and a dog, so it's not an issue anymore. ;) They're practically his babies.
Jun 21 - 8AM
cstandsforcunt's picture

Hired a pet psychic and this is what my dogs said about Narc!

In December, I hired a pet psychic from California because my dog Riley was having horrible seizures and I wanted to make sure I was doing the best for her. She was so spot on and I didn't tell her anything about my girlfriend. Here is the background and here is what she said that my dogs said: Background: I have two dogs, Gizmo and Riley- Riley has has seizures since 5 months- she is 5 years old now and on medicine (Phenobarb, Potassium Bromide and now thyroid med). When I was the OW for 3 months before becoming the gf, my narc had no problem with them in my bed but all of a sudden, when we got together, she was so ALLERGIC to them and kept harping on how not behaved they are and how Riley is a bully to her dog Hoku (Um, she is a seizure dog on two meds and loopy, sure, she is soooo aggressive!) Her dog Hoku- Black lab, 10 yrs old, just recently passed away last week June 13 ( I am still sad about this- but when we were together, she was the angel that could do no wrong and went everywhere with us while my dogs were either forced to stay at my house with my roommates or were locked up in her cabana house) Her dog always had to act like a human and she used the dog more for a topic of conversation more than anything. HERE IS WHAT PSYCHIC SAID WITHOUT ME TELLING HER (From my dogs- in fact, she had no idea, and when she told me, she was like, "Um, I don't know how to tell you this, this is pretty bad"): "RILEY" My mom sometimes get confused with me. She doesn't know where to leave me. I wonder if she always is wondering if she should take me or leave me. I usually want her to take me. mom's girlfriends house I feel a little like she wants us to find another home. But I don't like that idea cause my mom is the only mom for me. I am not going to have the seizures one day. I got them first when they gave me a shot that was not good for me. IT made me sick and then throw up and then antzy feeling in my body and then I got those seizures. Gizmo is really worried about mom and her girlfriend. He says she doesn't love my mom enough and that she should stop being so cranky herself (girlfriend). "GIZMO" Tell my mom also that sometimes I think to myself about her girlfriend that she is not very smart and mom could find someone smarter and more fun. She doesn't have good ideas. Her ideas are really bad actually and her dog is upset because her dogs whole life she has to make your girlfriend happy and the girlfriend doesn't smile enough. (about collars) I like blue and brown. I like one with crowns on it. I like anything that symbolizes courage, smarts and honest. sometimes mom puts herself around people who are not honest and I want her to remember what honest is. YOU SEE, even my dogs knew that her dog was only there to make her happy! Crazy, huh? That was in December and that is when I really started to put my foot down about taking care of my dogs finally after treating them like crap just for her! So that is when we really started being strained and I tried to break up with her many times before the final NC started in April. Here is Riley and Gizmo on her facebook-
Jun 26 - 5PM (Reply to #22)
lisalisa47's picture

Awesome that you did that CSFC!!!

may I ask where you found your pet psychic and approx how much it cost?


Jun 21 - 8AM (Reply to #21)
Hunter's picture

Yup, I've realized, my dogs

Yup, I've realized, my dogs have more brains then my Narc! Hunter
Jun 20 - 8PM
Puzzle's picture

My N used to try and tease my

My N used to try and tease my cats, never cuddle them but tease them. He also told me he used to put his cats and dogs in a pillow case and swing them around the room. He laughed once that his dipshit friend fed his chook and ecstacy tablet. I am a vegetarian and have been most of my life. He doesn't understand my passion for animals and is always giving me shit about being a vego. He used to always say "you hippy vegan, wish I was with a girl who would eat a steak with me." I think you are on to something here. My Narc was ok to animals, but always had a laugh at their expense. I was very firm with how he was to treat animals and he liked to test me and get me worked up.
Jun 19 - 2PM
mystwoman's picture

Yes. Xnh didn't like my dog

Yes. Xnh didn't like my dog (mainly because I love the dog - the dog never did anything to him). I never caught him being obviously cruel, but I did find out that xnh was trying to get rid of this dog behind my back just to be nasty to me. This dog was a very starved, traumatized rescue dog when I got him, and the poor thing just adored xnh. I was very upset when I found xnh was trying to give him away without my knowledge. This was a dog that most likely would have been euthanized if I hadn't taken him into our home. He was very loving and sweet, but he is an older dog that weighs almost 100 pounds, and someone had tried to debark him (badly). He was not on the "most adoptable" list at the shelter. I found him and fell in love with him. I still have him, and I think he's beautiful. He's a wonderful, loving pet. Xnh oldest hideous P daughter, on the other hand, was blatantly cruel. Soon before I threw her out of the house for doing drugs, I came home from work early one day to find her sitting on the couch with the remote to one of the anti-bark collars that had been used a few times in both of our dog's early training. She had the anti-bark collar on my poor rescue dog on the highest setting, and when I walked in the front door, I caught her holding the button down and my dog was rolling on the floor screaming in pain. The look of glee on her face was absolutely unnerving. The little psycho was ENJOYING hurting my dog. When I told xnh about the incident, he went and asked her if she did it, and she told him "No" and that I was lying about her. Xnh believed his hideous P daughter. After that, xnh's hideous P daughter was never allowed to be alone in the house with our two dogs again.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Jun 19 - 9AM
Hunter's picture


It's called control! Hunter
Jun 19 - 9AM (Reply to #17)
Gerri's picture


Complete control - the way he used to dominate him - sends shivers. Really bizarre obsessive relationship. God all the red flags - aggghh!! xx
Jun 19 - 9AM
OnlyChild49 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My Dog

didn't like the N and I was always afraid he might do something mean or "accidently" let the dog out to run or get lost while I was gone. I kenneled my dog, but N could get in my home. I also believe he was jealous of the dog and my attention to him. He brought his own dog when he came to visit. I now own her as he decided he didn't want her anymore after 5 years. Said she barked too much and the place he purchased had "rules" (they do) about barking. After going back to his other home, he purchased 4 different dogs and I won't go into what happened to 3 of them.
Jun 19 - 7AM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


I wrote about this before. Mine got a puppy and for about a year took it everywhere with him. Everyone was always sooo impressed with how incredibly well trained the dog was. Over night the N did a total 180 and started to leave the dog at home and had no further interest in it :C He also told me that he used to trap raccoons and throw the trap in the lake and laughed at how when he pulled the trap out later how they were all bloated.
Jun 19 - 7AM (Reply to #14)
Gerri's picture

Same here

Mine would parade the dog round like it was a trophy. Take it into pubs and all sorts. If the dog tried to hump another dog in the park it was always the other dogs fault because it was 'on heat'. (nothing to do with the fact that his dog still had balls) He's really boss him about - in a weird way. x
Jun 19 - 7AM
Littleone's picture

I just realised I skipped

I just realised I skipped over what the n was like with his animals. When I met him he had a boxer, a very playful, energetic dog. He never took him for walks and quite often 'forgot'to give him any water and sometimes food. As our relationship progressed I made him give him away to a good home. We bought another dog - a bulldog who are very lazy and docile. Again the narc never walked him and it was up to me to make sure he had enough food and water. The n never registered or got them vaccinated. He also kicked the dogs if they were naughty. I've left the bulldog behind :( I had no choice, I couldn't take him with me. At some point I hope to find him a home and steal him from the back yard. I don't know what to do... I really love that dog, but I got out with the baby and that was my priority..
Jun 19 - 6AM
Lobo555's picture

Jealous of My Cat

Yeah, for real. CharlieSheenWinning was jealous of my cat. He'd come over here and he and the cat would have these staring contests and territorial disputes over me. It was nuts! The cat would be totally underfoot and clingy to me. And he'd be GLARING at CharlieSheenWinning. I've never seen a cat behave in that way ever. CharlieSheenWinning would be saying, "What's up with that f'n' cat? He's crazy!" And then he'd glare back! At a CAT! Who's the crazy one???? He'd say, "I hate that fuckin' thing!" One time my cat bit CharlieSheenWinning on the foot as he was getting into my bed. :) I never laughed so hard! I think the cat was being protective because he could sense CharlieSheenWinning was a nutball. Usually he's friendly and sweet to other people. He reacted badly to CharlieSheenWinning and to one other guy dated who I suspect might be a full-blown psychopath. My cat wouldn't even go NEAR that one! I swear I'm putting any man I'm interested in through the Cat Test before I get too involved! :)
Jun 20 - 9PM (Reply to #11)
HesAnOldWashedUpLoser's picture

I LOve That !!!

Thats What My Mom And I Said We Were Going To Do From Now On. We Have 4 Indoor Cats 6 Barn cats. 3 dogs(all hers) Mine Passed Away. And If They Dont Like Em "We" Dont Like Em. Although Any A-Hole Comes Round Here EVER (only 1 so far) I Run Them Off. When She Left The Room I Leaned Down And Wispered In His Ear. ( do u think im actually going to sit here and watch u try to "F" my mom? I Said, not on my watch, And Then Slowly Went Into Theres My Mommie Speech When She Came Back Into The Room, He Was So Freaked Out He Suddenly Had To Go.. Hes Never Returned.. It Just Aint Happening Ever Again, To Either One Of Us.. Not On My Watch. Not As Long As I Breath Air Into My Lungs. We Have Alot To Protect..Eachother.. All Of Us Do Now... What The Hell Kind Of World Have I Stepped Into ??? A-Hole World?? Whatever... Not On My Watch !!! Go Cats Go..I Love That
Jun 19 - 6AM
Susan32's picture

Really depends

My Narc grandmother took good care of her cats. She never abused them. She treated them BETTER than people. Some Narcs bond better with animals because animals have simpler needs. My former Narc boss was the same way. He took care of his cats, and one of them had had an abusive previous owner. The ex-Psych prof, on the other hand, said animals were scared of him. He was intensely jealous that I bonded well with animals. He'd claim to be a vegetarian, but then say "only stupid kids and dumb animals like you!" Interestingly, I was reading a biography of TE Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia), and it said that Lawrence disdained most women, children, and animals.
Jun 19 - 3AM
Littleone's picture


YES YES HELL YES!! Mine had the same hot cold attitude towards animals. He like to do things just to get a reaction from them. Any reaction would do. That's the sociopath side of him. But the way he was with our baby well that one really takes the cake! He threw him at 3 weeks of age, yelled in his face, poked him to check if he was still breathing, fed him inappropriate foods that made him seriously choke. Was extremely rough and treated him Like an Object, an inconvienience. He also made sexual innuendos about the baby. This is just to name a few!
Jun 19 - 3AM
londonlass30's picture

Mine loved animals it seemed.

Mine loved animals it seemed. He seemed to like my dog, and when his dog of 13 years died, he appeared very upset. He also seemed to have great love for his nan, would visit her often in hospital when she was ill, and when she died he took it badly and took time off work. He was very quiet for time afterwards as both these events happened together. I hate cruelty to animals it's the worst form of cruelty.
Jun 20 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
HesAnOldWashedUpLoser's picture

My Dog Died In His House

I Had Been Living W/ Him For Only 2 Months Had My Baby Girl(my dog) Her Name was Jerri. I Met Jerri At The Worst Part Of My Life. Three Years Ago. She Had Run Awy From Home And We Bonded Instantly. We Went Every Where Together. She Even Went To Work With Me Sometimes. She Was The Light Of My Life (im crying). She Gave Me A Reason To Come Home at Night, Stay Sober And I Finally Had Some"ONE" To Be Responsible For. She Was That SomeONE..We Were Having A Great Time Together. We Played Like Crazy All The Time. Running Full Speed Through "MY" House. We Called It, Pick You Up, She Hated Being Picked Up But, She Still Though It Was Funny For Me To Try. All Those Fun Things I Can Remember. Never Bad. She Made Me Laugh Out Loud. She Was Almost Human Like. Until The Narc Showed Up. He Was Nice To Her. Not Overly But, Slightly Phony About Bonding W/ Her. She Loved Anyone That Loved Her. She Was Always Stand Offish But, Eventually Gave In. Most Dogs Do. Now, My NARC Only Courted Me For 6 Weeks Before Begging Me To Move In W/ Him(he would deny that,too). I Even Took A Week Off Work For His VACA . He Gave Me $1000.00 & Paid Off My Credit Card.(read about that sht too).I Now Owed Him?? F That. He Kissed Jerri's Ass That Entire Week. Spoiled Her Rotten. And Let Her Sleep In The Bed !!! That Was A Serious Brownie Point. I Thought. The Prick Talked Me Into Moving In W/ Him And It Was Good Until...Well, He Started Isolating Her From Me. Stomping His Foot At Her And Getting In Her Face Until She Tried To Bite It Off One Day. I Thought I Saw Him Almost Lose It And Rear His Ugly Head Then. He Controlled It. It Was Too Soon To Show Those True Colors. He Was Never Into Her Or Any Other Dog At That Matter. He Was Lying To Get Me In. He Called Her "Die". It Pissed Me Off & I Told Him So. When He Would Leave For Work Early In The Morn I Would Put Her In The Bed With Me (breaking pricks rules) And Just Snuggle W/ Her. I Loved Her So Much. On April 28th 2010 At 10:30 pm, She Died In My Arms In His Home From Complications Of Surgergy. I Had Her Fixed So She Wouldnt Mess Up Pricks House. I Thought Something Wasnt Right. I Brought Her Home & Went To Get Cigs. (5 min). When I Came Back She Was Looking For A Place To Hide And Die Under His Bed. I Freaked. He Picked Her Up And Was Helpful Somewhat. I Was Losing It At This Point. Calling The Vet. And Then...She Looked Up At Me, Took A Deep Breath, Cried And Passed Away Right There, In Front Of Me. I Put Her On The Floor, Gave Her CPR, Yelling "Please,Jerri Dont Leave Me" !!! Over And Over Again. I Tired So Hard To Keep Her And I Lost Her Right There And Then In My Arms. My Life Changed For Ever That Night. And So Did The Prick "N"'s. He Was Told By Many A Friend,"Her Dog Is Her World And If Anything Happens To Her, "_____ne" Will Go Crazy". Not By Gaslighting Either. I Did Just That. When She Died, A Part Of Me Died. I Wanted To Go With Her. I Loved Her That Much. I Loved Her More Than Him, Hands Down. I Tried To Commit Suicide 2 Times In 9 Weeks After Her Death. I Needed Her. Not Him. I Felt Sooo Much Guilt After That It Was Tremendous. He Flipped Out And Said, "Its Just A F'ing Dog". Thats When It Was Mother F'ing On !!!! Like Donkey Kong. I See That Sht Head Daily & See My Profile Pic? Thats Exactally What I Look Like. I Didnt Then. I Feel Like He May Have Done Something To Jerri When I Went Out For Those 5 But, Cant Prove It. He Dug A Hole In "HIS" Back Yard And She Is There. I Miss Her More Than Life Itself. I Loved Her Even More. Its Been Over A Year But, So Fresh In My Mind. I Just Lose It Over My Little Bunny Wabbit. Im Heart Broken, Devistated And Can Not Belive She Is Gone. I Had A Break Down Looking For Her One Day After She Had Died. I Thought I Had Seen Her Run Into Another Bedroom. I Went Looking For Her Under The Bed And The Ex N Had To Pull Me Out From Underneith It..She Was Gone And I Was In Denial & Sometime Still Am. My Soul Was Crushed And That Prick Narc's Sht Started In With The Control Shortly After That. I Became A Total Nut Case And Hated His Ass For It.. Thats My Story About My Jerri, My Love, My Baby Gurl...I Miss Her Terribly.. Im So Sorry I Hurt My Baby Girl. I Never Meant To.. Thanks Guys For Listening. Havent Gotten To Greive Normally Since I Left The N Bastard..Thanks
Jun 21 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
Littleone's picture

My god I'm so sorry. I had

My god I'm so sorry. I had tears in my eyes reading this. Personally I thought the same thing about that 5 mins, it was the first thing that sprung into my mind. What an evil monster. He will burn
Jun 22 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
HesAnOldWashedUpLoser's picture


That Was The Begining Of Mt Endin. I Thought.Until The Pathforward. Its Been So Damn Hard For Me To Cope And I Cant Wrap My Mind Around Why Still , Tey Do What They Do. Sorry Ass N !!! Thanks
Jun 23 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
onthebrink's picture

N Mean to Animals

When I got a puppy he HAD to get one. He kept the dog locked up in an airplane crate all day> When the do got big the crate was too small and the dog could not even turn around. When the dog would get loose, it would run the neighborhood for 30 minutes, enjoying its freedom. He would beat the dog when he caught it. The dog was never walked, played with or let out unless to go to the bathroom. He also use to bite the dogs ears?! When we moved in together, the dog was so unsocialized I made him get rid of it. I, of course, was the evil woman who mage him get rid of his beloved dog. I Moved out ten moths ago and feel 10 years younger already.
Jun 23 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
Redhead1's picture

I think the ex-narc liked

I think the ex-narc liked dogs because they were less needy than a human. We had a chihauhua (sp?) mix that was so needy. He toted her around in the car like she was his baby. He would go pick my kids up at band practice and they would die of embarrassment. They were just teenagers, so I will forgive them. He whined and whined until he got this new dog that was the dog of his dreams. It was an anatolian shepherd, supposedly a rare breed. When he got his new dog, he dropped the other little pup like a hot potato. That really upset me, so she became my little pet. I guess he does dogs like he does women. LOL Its amazing how I can look back and see all the disordered things he did. These narcs are useless.
Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
HesAnOldWashedUpLoser's picture

Yes Useless

Yes They Are Usless. I Realize That Daily. Im New Here Too And This Has Become A Great Place For Me To Start The Process Of Healing..The N Is A Deceitful Person. Its Hard To Wrap My Mind Around The Things They Do..Disengage !!!