Narcissism vs Immaturity & Selfishness

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#1 Sep 23 - 1AM
TNB201's picture

Narcissism vs Immaturity & Selfishness

Hi, I am new to this Forum. My name is Tiara.

I know that N's are immature and selfish, but all selfish and immature people are not N's.

How can you tell if you are really dealing with an N or are you just dealing with a person who is immature and selfish?

Sep 24 - 7PM
ValiditySeeker's picture

Remorse is a big difference

I would probably describe my husband as immature. But the big difference between him and ny exn is that when I point out that he's being selfish, he feels bad about it Narcissuses and sociopaths have no empathy. Their brains process emotions poorly abd in a limited fashion. Therefore they can't feel bad about how they treated you.
Sep 25 - 1AM (Reply to #9)
ifinallygotit's picture


Instead of feeling bad for you that they hurt you, they feel bad for themselves that theri bad behavior reflects negatively on that ever important image.
Sep 23 - 12PM
peacelily76's picture

My 44 year old ex...

could have been described as selfish and immature but by the age of 44, you would have thought he might have learnt from previous mistakes. From what I could garner over our three year relationship, he was learning more methods with which to manipulate me and throw blame back on to me so this therefore is one of the behavioural traits which made me conclude I had been living with a disordered character.
Sep 24 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
KeshaN's picture

Peacelily made a great point

Peacelily made a great point and I feel it is the best way to know if you are truly dealing with an N. The same thing was the case with my Nhusband. It was like he made the same mistakes over and over again and never learned anything from them to not do it again. I would confront him on the things he did and expressed how hurt and I and would even cry to him about it and he would always ALWAYS end up doing it again and not only that he would somehow indirectly blame it on me. Even when I was pregnant and became moody he would do hurtful things and blame it on the fact that I was moody. No, he never learned from his mistakes. He just learned how to manipulate and blame me better. He got better at doing his hurtful things and didn't care at all about how I felt about it.
Sep 23 - 10AM
TNR1's picture

Good may want

Good may want to look at the traits listed in the DSM. Below are the proposed revisions that will put narcissism in a spectrum of personality disorders (including psychopath). At the bottom are the traits that they use in their assessment: Welcome to the board.
Sep 23 - 7AM
KeshaN's picture

I don't know how to explain

I don't know how to explain it. N's have other trait besides selfishness and immaturity as well. They usually are manipulative, exploitative, abusive, liars, and controlling. A selfish or immature person who are not N may not have these other traits. Also, N's tend to take their selfishness too far. They do what they please to even when they see it is deeply hurting to someone else. They don't even care about how others feel ever not for one second. They may even like hurting someone or playing with peoples heads. Selfish people may not act this way. Also the dead give away is if they learn from their mistakes and do they realize when they have hurt someone and sincerely apologize. This is the best way i can describe it from my understanding. Everything an N does is somehow for their benefit. EVERYTHING. However in your situation I feel that it doesn't really matter. IT was just not a healthy relationship for you and finding out that he is just immature and not N will not change the way he has treated you. It will not change all of the abuse he has put you through. We'll help each other through this
Sep 23 - 1AM
tresor2's picture

Info on NPD Here's a good site to begin with if you want to learn about N's. It's not so much about if they are a N or not; it's more about if they are causing you harm. There are many good sites on the internet and there's good info on this site too.
Sep 23 - 1AM
dulcinea441's picture

What's your experience with

What's your experience with this person? Are you in a romantic relationship? Are you a friend or co-worker? The signs as to what to look out for in spotting a narc might differ a bit, depending on the circumstance. If you're in a love relationship, you will know you're dealing with a potential narc or other personality-disordered person in the beginning because he or she idealizes you out of all reasonable proportion. They will do this instantly -- i.e., declare their ever-lasting love for you after the first date -- and it's overwhelming. I've only been in a romantic relationship with a narc (as far as I know), so I don't know how to spot them in other environments, but the grandiosity that they project about themselves is probably the same.
Sep 23 - 1AM
foreverfun1's picture

first thing that comes to

first thing that comes to mind is how they forget about you when you're not around. they make u feel ignored. not in the beginning of course thats when they are trying to get u hooked but once ur hooked they get bored with you. thats when u start to see how weird they are.