myhrtache2's story

18 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 26 - 8PM

myhrtache2

myhrtache2's story

I had been seeing D. off and on for five years. He would dissapear for no reason for months. I only found out why after he proposed to me and I finally let him move in.He was running back and forth to the Ex. wife who he had been divorced from for six years. we stayed together about six weeks then he had a heart attack(he's fine now) and out came all the kids and the Ex. Both me and the Ex. were at the hospital. I could see that something wasn't right.The fact that the Ex. started showing interest made him want to go back home. A few days after coming home from the hospital, he started a bogus argument about why I put a sausage on his breakfast plate. He left my house, stayed out for two days and moved out while I was at work. Now I had the ring, our wedding was booked on an island and the banquet hall had a deposit on it. I had to cancell everything because he had gone back to the Ex. I'm humiliated and embarassed, Everyone was so happy for me. I'm so hurt now that I can't even think straight. All of this happened right before Thanksgiving 2010. So I had to go through the holidays with this plus I lost my brother right before Christmas. How do you get over something like this? I can't sleep and I don't have anymore tears. He used me to make the Ex. jealous so she would take him back and she did. I'm alone now and deeply hurt.

#2 Mar 11 - 5PM

Lisa E. Scott

myhrtache2

FooledNoLonger is right, you are so much better off without this man in your life. I know you are going through hell right now and the pain is excruciating, but please know that you dodged a bullet, my friend. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know, you are not alone. We are here for you. Much love, Lisa

#3 Mar 11 - 2PM

fooled no longer

well i am sorry you had to

well i am sorry you had to experience that horrible man and all the disappointment. I actually married mine, as he backed me into a corner, now i have to deal with his sh.t, and at least you never have to divorce him. let her have him good riddance you will have a new life and another chance at love. Be glad hes gone. I envy you.

#4 Mar 11 - 3PM (Reply to #16)

myhrtache2

my wedding

Thank you fooled no longer. I get therapy from hearing from the many members. I am healing from all of this, i pray that God will soon remove the bad memory of him from my heart. I know this would have been a marriage from hell. He would have ran back to the Ex. even if It had taken place. He did with wife # 2. Ran back to the Ex.the same day as the wedding and never went back to the new wife. It was over in two months. If I had known this, I would have NEVER agreeded to a wedding. But all is good, I'm so much better off now. Yes my feeling are hurt and my heart broken, but I have to keep looking at the BIG picture, I'm blessed. May God bless you too. Hugs.....

#5 Mar 3 - 7PM

gingercat

could have been worse

One of my best friends actually had the ceremony with the N (I was a bridesmaid) and when she went to the airport to meet him for their honeymoon flight and big family get-together in her home state he never arrived! Just left her standing there all alone. Turns out he was in another friends bed.......told her she had issues and almost completely destroyed her. She tried to get the priest to annul (sp) the marriage but it was all such a mess and her heart was utterly broken. Consider yourself blessed that you were spared that level of abuse. It still gives me nightmares to think of how he treated her. Move on and don't think of yourself as a victim but as a winner for avoiding such a person! Hugs, hugs, hugs.....

#6 Mar 4 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

myhrtache2

OMG!

I can feel her pain.He sounds just like Derrick Shannon.And this is something that Derrick would have done. He married wife #2, took her to see his brother,took her home(Her House) and never went back.He ran back to the first wife and she paid for the divorce. If I had known this before I wouldn't have taken the marriage proposal seriously .I wouldn't have even agreed to marry him. His own brother told me all of this , apoloizied and said I was truely blessed that the wedding didn't take place. I know I'm blessed that it didn't happen. I think I'm more upset that he used me, took advantage of my kindness just to make his Ex. jealous so she'd take him back. It worked. When she found out that we had booked the destination wedding in Hawaii, she told him to come back home so he dropped everything and ran back home. But I like what you said...I need to stop acting like a victim, but a winner who was spared from a bigger heartache. Thank-you for the Hugs, I really need them.

#7 Mar 11 - 3PM (Reply to #13)

michele115 (not verified)

I disagree myhertache2

I think that you need to embrace the fact that you were victimized and go through the process...you were mistreated and abused...taken for a ride, lied to...there is no sweeping it under the rug and moving on...skipping over... If you approach it that way, it remains UNresolved and just haunts you longer and re-surfaces much later down the road and takes you DOWN right back to the beginning. Do the work, feel the feelings, process, reasearch, share, vent, get it out and heal... And when you feel you are finally done...then say..."Okay I'm a survivor" There is too much "shame" in being a victim and society in many respects re-victimizes the victim... No, you feel what you need to feel for however long you need to feel it...it's all about YOU now and the heck with anyone else... Hugs!

#8 Mar 11 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

myhrtache2

Thank-you Michelle, This

Thank-you Michelle, This whole ordeal has me not knowing which way to turn, I guess I feel if I just ignore it, it will go away. But you're right, it doesn't go away. Yes, I Really want to heal, like NOW and for it to be over completly. I've NEVER been hurt this bad EVER. I consider myself one of the Kind and caring women. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. He totally took advantage of my kindness.But I want to be a survivor, I pray on it constanly. Thank-you again and my God bless you. Hugs....

#9 Mar 3 - 10AM

MyNaturalState

OMG...

I'm sorry I just read this. I am so sorry for all you've been through. I know how hurt I am and I was no where near as invested as you were. I'm truly very sorry.

#10 Mar 3 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

myhrtache2

Thank-you

Thank-you MyNaturalstate. I have been through total HELL. I have some good days but lately I seem to just be feeling really down. I don't want to be depressed but I really think I am. I'm so hurt. I pray on the matter daily and pray that God will heal my heart. It's been almost four months but it seems like it just happened. I posted my story on Dont date him girl.com about him. I really don't care who knows at this point. The post has over 400 hits. It's almost unbelievable what he did. But again, thank-you for reading my story. Take care and my God bless you in everyway.

#11 Jan 31 - 1PM

ShaynasMommy

MyHeart.....

First off, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I can't imagine losing someone so close to the holidays like that. I am so sorry this Narcissist tried to destroy you. I too, was a girl dumped at the altar by a nasty Narc. I can relate so so much of what you are feeling right now, even though our circumstances were not exactly the same. I know the feeling of utter embarassment of having to "clean up" after him and everything he did. My family and I had to cancel our plans. We had a big traditional wedding planned with all the trimmings. I had to endure over and over again the pain and humiliation when a guest would call me to RSVP for the wedding and I had to explain that it wasn't going to take place. He broke it off 6 weeks before the wedding, and took up with an old girlfriend from his highschool. I had to cancel with vendors. I had to return gifts. I had to tell my employer the story when I requested time off to deal with it all. I had to face friends and family after that, and meet with a look on their faces of pure pity and incomprehension. Believe me, I know what you are facing. And the only thing that is going to truly make it better is going no contact with him forever, and time. It will get better. You really dodged a BIG bullet when he cancelled your wedding. Let his ex wife deal with him. Be prepared for him to try to use you yet AGAIN, because he will. Mine tried to get back in my good graces, but after 7 years of push-pull, enough was enough. Don't waste 7 years of your life with this asshole. You deserve much better. Life is not meant to be a prison cell. He lives in one of his own making, but you don't have to join him!!!!!!My (own) heart goes out to you. Keep sharing with the ladies here, keep reading and understanding, and ou will come to know peace in your own time.

#12 Jan 31 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

myhrtache2

Thank-you

Your comments gave me some hope. I don't why I thought this only happened to me.I wasted 5 years with D. I was afaid to go back to work.Everytime someone asked about the wedding it was like a knife going through my heart. I was so embarassed and humiliated. Reading on this site and reading comments on the dontdatehimgirl site about Narc's has helped.I pray soooo much for God to un break my heart and take this pain away.I'm really trying to move on. Talking about it helps. I'm getting out more now. I was getting afraid of my health. I couldn't sleep and when I did sleep, I'd wake up crying. Now, I'm excepting that D. never loved me and he never deserved me. He was the worst choice for a husband.God was saving me from a bigger pain. I showed D. real love and kindness and I didn't deserve any of this. I was so angry.I wanted him to suffer like I was. But I'll let God take care of him. Thank-you again for your comforting words. I really appreciate it.

#13 Jan 26 - 9PM

Hunter

My heart

Hi, Im sorry for your pain, All I can say is be glad you didn't say I do. You would be more humiliated had you married this guy. You deserve better than what this man has to offer. In fact he has nothing to offer you but hard ache. Yes, it feels bad. You are in the right place. We all understand what you are feeling. All of us are at different stages of recovery. I was in your shoes this past August. May I suggest you see a therapist and get on some anti depressants . Im sad to say you will have to go through some tough days to get to a better place. I just had dinner with friends and they can finally say I look happy. I am happy and Narc free.I still have moments but since Ive go NC for 6 months each day became better. Stay here and learn all you can. NC is the key. Start now and begging to heal. Good luck. Idealk

#14 Jan 27 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

myhrtache2

Thank-you

Thank-you Idealk...I just really need someone to talk to right now. I'm really trying to forget this nightmare and move on. But my feeling are so hurt because I still love him. That alone makes me not like myself because I should hate him for what he's done. Maybe I'm more upset with myself for being taken in by all the lies. I know I'm better off that the wedding didn't take place. I just pray that God will unbreak my heart.

#15 Jan 28 - 9AM (Reply to #3)

Hunter

My Heart

I still love my Narc to, well as least the person I thought he was. The damage they cause is aweful. I've been there, twice, they dont change. I'm here to tell you. You Must go No contact, you must! It's very hard, get a calendar x off the days that pass. At 3 or 4 weeks you will feel better and see the reality of who this monster is. Look at this long term. It could have been much worse for you. The people here care more about you and your life than he ever can. Stay here and learn. It will be ok I promise. You must stay No Contact. If you feel the need , please go on the other site and friend me. I will give you my contact information,if you need a support system. I am passionate about this. I am a strong woman ( narc would tell me this all the time) what I've just been through no one should have to experience. There is a light, it takes time and you must listen to all of us here. The only one who can help you 100 % is you! Be Strong Idealk

#16 Jan 29 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

myhrtache2

Thank-you again

I'm trying my best to get through this. He broke the relationship off two days before Thanksgiving 2010. Which has been way too long feeling miserable and hopeless. Now that I know I was dealing with a Narc. I can understand things better.It was just so hard trying to get over the way he used me, took advantage of my kindness and just ran back home to the Ex. with no reguards to our wedding plans. The last few months have been pure Hell for me. He humiliated and embrarassed me by running away with no explination.I had to cancel the Flight to Hawaii,plus return the ring with people watching. Then to drive by the Ex.'s house the next morning and see his trunk in the drive way. My brother passed away two days before Christmas and he didn't even respond to me after sending him a text. I need all the help I can get. I'm so angry now. I'm going to take your advise about the calender.I want to finally be able to sleep.

#17 Jan 31 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Hunter

Re read what you wrote. This

Re read what you wrote. This guy is the worst of the worst. How could he not respond to the loss of your brother? YUCK, you deserve better, you will find better. I'm sorry for your loss, you have been getting hit hard. These guys try and break our souls. I honestly don't believe they feel. They have no idea the damage they cause, they roam and leave scars intheir path. As far a canceling your trip, heck I would have gone with you. Ask Happy, we would have had a rockin time. Teehee. Your first step. Is to realize his actions have nothing to with anything you did. This is a disordered man, hold your head high, feel proud of your decision. As far as what other people think.... Who cares, this is YOUR life.People love other peoples drama it takes away from their own. We all have skeletons. Worry about you. You need to focus on getting better. What they do is very difficult to overcome. It takes work on your part. Again once you step away soon you will see the light. To the curb with the trash. Hugs idealk

#18 Mar 11 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Hope

Sleeping...

Everyone is right about this, you got lucky, just don't realize it yet, you could have been ruined both emotionally and financially. I wish you well, if you can't sleep, try melatonin, it's natural and it helps you sleep, you can take a few each night. I went through a whole bottle the first month, I also could not sleep, I could not eat, I lost weight fast, I was only about 125 lbs, and I went down to about 110, I'm now a healthy 120 lbs and in the gym every night I'm at work. I got sick too, heavy bleeding for two months that led to surgery, I think my body was reacting to the shock. I had a very difficult first six months, but it's getting better. Also try yoga, this saved me literally, whatever you do, keep it positive, no drinking, etc. The best revenge is that you look beautiful and are doing great!!! Believe me it will bother him if you ever run into each other some day. You had a lot to deal with between that and your brother, I hope you have family support. Hugs!!

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews