My worst fears came true :(

KG, I believe you and your husband have tremendous love and respect for each other and both of you are very brave and honest in approaching this. Like every other victim of a narc here, the depth you "in love" you went through for narcette is very typical, it's like we are victims of stockholm syndrome and we can't understand why? Sending much love and hugs to both of you as you go through this journey and hope that this is just one of life's funny tests to make you stronger and closer in whatever path it leads you to :-)

I hope everything works out for the better. You're husband sounds like a kind and understanding man. I will pray for you guys.

The truth will set you free. You never said anything negative about your husband. You we a victim of manulipation! If you are both willing to work thru this it could be a positive! Love & Hugs Hunter

i am so sorry about this.. but what you have to take from this what a good man your husband is and to both be able to come to terms with this situation.. i can only imagine how low you feel. i will be thinking of you and hope this can all be resolved...please please dont think of narcette.. think only of your self and your loved one's.xxxxxx

Oh, KG. I'm so sorry. Hopefully it will all work out for the best, but ouch. It has to be fully painful right now. I hope this will be a catalyst to further healing and not be destructive. What happened? How did he find out? How's he doing? How are YOU doing? You're in my thoughts today. What a tender time you are embarking upon. In addition to letting go of the n-ette., you now need to walk through the pain with your husband. (((big hugs 2 u)))

It is often better for the truth to be out in my opinion. Firstly because you no loger carry the burden of the secret, the narcs like to target married women because they would get discarded in silence and never be able to tell... because they can then blackmail you actively or passively with it... Your husband as you say is a good man and may be able to protect you. I told my husband practially straight away after the spilt. It was just to awful to bear alone. He contacted narc and in no uncertain terms told him that he was "not much of a man" and to never come near us again, that we no longer know him... in the worst of days, he fed me ( literally), dressed me, stuck me in the bath, bought me cigarettes, drove me to the doctors, looked after our son, bought me ID display phones for the house and generally kept me safe and alive...he said to me that he had saw me become hypnotized for two years and there was nothing that he could do to stop it. He told me that he too had fallen for it, that he really believed that N loved me and made me happy. Everyone fell for the bullshit.... I have my own issues with my marriage but in this case, it was the best thing I did... I hope that this helps... Take good care D XXXXX

If there is one thing you've shared is that you love him dearly and essentially was trying to save him from pain which of course caused compounded guilt struggling with not only feeling bad but also keeping the secret and the whole thing...you've been tormented all around. Equally, now that hubby has seen everything, I guess there aren't anymore secrets. Sometimes when our worse fears come true, we are released. You were holding in so much with this - and by default that also had to create a distance...the guilt. BUT now it's all out in the open. NOW yes, you're both hurt, but I don't get from anything you've ever written there is no love. That was never the problem... I shared with you when you first came here, my dabbling with Theosophy, and I will recommend not only for you but for others, a book entitled "Love" by Leo Buscaglia. The book is not about Theosophy; however what the dabbling in Theosophy did for me was view this from a "soul" and "growth" perspective in terms of my spritual calling. On a more universal level KG, LOVE is the answer...not the handmade love that floats around with conditions, not passion, but true and pure love that is respect, empathy, honesty, and loyalty between two people. Love is universal, we can love anyone. Marriage is a piece of paper...what exists between two people and what the are to eachother is the true testament. I really hope that you come to terms with where you stand - but in the interim, there is no doubt in my mind that both of you love eachother, and if you are lucky enough to find real love in this lifetime...be it friend, lover, husband - you've been blessed. If you decide to work it out - both of you...I hope that you are able to find love again...and you will both be friends and lovers to one another...but if not KG -it doesn't sound like you won't be friends regardless. I have a good feeling about this coming out - I don't know why...but do not succumb to fear - it is a situation that has the potential to bring so many good things to light depending upon the direction you wish to travel. We're always here for you KG no matter what - but release the fear and the guilt and look to find your way. This may very well be the catalyst to finally release Narcette as prior to the truth surfacing it was a secret - you're no longer in bondage to that...and that is powerful. Hugs!

How did he find out and read all your posts? I can't even imagine what would happen if my husband found out the same. He would be so devastated. I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm going to say it again. These bastards/bastardettes are wrecking balls in our lives. They are out to destroy all that is good that they don't have, because NOTHING is good in their lives and they have NOTHING, so they want to take all they can and leave us with the same. I hope you and your husband will be ok and get through this. (((Hugs))) Smitten