My Therapist Said

20 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 7 - 4PM

dabussard

My Therapist Said

I had my first session with my therapist. She told me that she can fix me, but she can't fix my N. I started crying and said I would pay you anything if you could fix him.. Why can't they be helped... If I talked him into therapy would it help?

She told me to take the next week and think about what it takes to find me again. That I need to decide if I want my husband, the narc or maybe neither one. Wow! I truely don't think that i can answer that all in one week. My N consumes my every thought. She also told me to make a pros and cons list for my Narc and bring it back with me..

I asked her what to do when he contacts me again. She told me to go to the barn and spend time with my horses and truely think about whether or not I want to go up there. I told her if I don't jump when he says jump, I will be punished for it. I have to go immediately or just not at all.. I go into a total haze when he calls, I know the consequences that i can lose my husband, farm, house maybe even my job, But I am helpless and I still go... It is like its not even me..

She asked me to name some of the things that i like about him off the top of my head... All I could come up with was fun... Couldn't think of one other thing.. She said he is all about control and manipulation.. If that's the case and he wants control of me, then why does he go days and weeks without contacting me? He can't control me without contact. She also said what you all have been saying to cure an addiction you must have no contact.. I back there, with no contact but I am still very weak and vulerable...

She told me it is not me that he wants, but there is something he can gain from me. Whether it be a cash cow, my farm or just the pure thrill of spliting up my marriage.. I have thought about that and I think that it is the image of a good girl on this arm that he can flaunt to his friends. And also something stable so that he can get his daughter to come around more.. But he has admitted to wanting to split my marriage up before in a fit of rage.

What do you all think?

Sorry to lengthy,
She just has my mind really thinking

#2 Jun 7 - 11PM

enpsychopedia r... (not verified)

Dabussard, I think you might

Dabussard, I think you might need mild meds. I'm seeing a transpersonal psychologist right now. She's not authorized to dispense meds, but is encouraging me to take them for obsessive compulsive thinking on a temporary basis. She's helping me with the spiritual emotional problems, but there's only so much that she can do for problems that are rooted in biochemistry I think I have mild OCD that is triggered by excitement anxiety grief, etc..So being D and D'd by a narc certainly meets the criteria! I so look forward to getting gooned on something other than narc-thought.

#3 Jun 7 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

Arwen

Enpsych you are right on...my

Enpsych you are right on...my psychiatrist upped my anti-depressant today when I told him that I had had the affair with ex N and how shattered and anxious I have been since. I asked him if he thought I might be bi-polar II and he said no, I really just think that you are very drawn to narcissists due to your upbringing with severe NPD in your father. He told me he felt this whole thing has put me in a real tailspin and he upped my standing meds. Great guy and I agree with what you just told Dabussard.

#4 Jun 7 - 10PM

Arwen

I told ex N I was leaving my

I told ex N I was leaving my husband this past January...that was it. They are full of shit. They can't handle taking care of someone and someone else's kids. They can't even keep themselves out of jail. Get into counseling with your husband as I am doing now after affair with narc, and figure things out. But first get rid of that idiot, go NC. You have real life issues to think about such as the real wedding you had, and what you think you need to do about that. I am dealing with the same thing and it's so much easier to go into la la land fantasizing about narc and wishing him back and la la la la la. Then reality hits. Let it hit you too.

#5 Jun 7 - 8PM

naive46

Don't give up on your marriage just yet!

The main points of your story are the same as mine. My N coerced me out of my marriage into a long distance affair. I was totally addicted to him and was ready to give up my marriage of 20 years. We, too, had been sexless for 7+ years and living as roommates. This was a high school thing revisited after 27 years...we met at Christmas for an evening. After our calls, emails, and texts dwindled down (knew we weren't going to see each other for awhile as he is 6 hours away), I had more time to realize what a nervous wreck I had become, how excited I was and how I'd wait for every call, text, email and, yet, afterwards, feel exhausted, depleted, let down. He, at one point, was encouraging me to leave my marriage...then later encouraged me to get counseling ??? I knew this was so out of character for me and regardless of how little passion my marriage had, I owed it to myself to go for counseling. I have talked at length with my husband, read many books on relationships at mid life, etc. etc. With NC I have come out of my fog... Please believe me when I tell you that my marriage is now better than it ever has been. We're in our mid 40's, no worry of pregnancy anymore, just having sex to enjoy it and let go and reconnect. The more you have it with a real man, the more you want it, and the closer it has brought us back together. Rekindling this real relationship is a constant reminder of how kind and gentle my husband is over the selfish and controlling N. This board has kept me sane. Allowed me to be human and forgive myself for being manipulated by the Master Manipulator himself. These guys are SO good at this. He pulled out a dormant codependent piece of my soul and it was RAGING for him. I have never known myself to feel that energy high he put out nor have I seen or heard myself say and do the things I did with him. Like I was on another planet. Stay strong. These ladies know what they are saying. I thank God I got out after 5 months...some of these ladies have lifetimes of these psychopaths!!! Prayers of strength to you....

#6 Jun 7 - 6PM

Four Aces

dabussard

Ok, let me get this straight. 1. You are married. 2. You are in "love" with a narc. Ok, first of all, finish your marriage first. Why isnt it working for you? Maybe you have some issues to deal with before you start dating someone else, right? At any rate, either decide to commit to your marriage or divorce this man. He doesnt deserve the treatment. Why lower yourself to what MEN do most of the time? Run do not walk away from the narc. He is as full of shit as the day is long. End of story.

#7 Jun 7 - 6PM (Reply to #15)

dabussard

Four Aces

I have been in a sexless marriage for 7 years. Guess I was lonely and damn tired of sleeping alone. Once, I find me again and when the therapist thinks i'm ready. She will do marriage counseling with me and my husband. Let me tell you thou, There is nothing there romantically.. We are just good friends as we have been for the last seven years... My husband's choice to push me away

#8 Jun 7 - 6PM

ruby01 (not verified)

dabussard

Realize that right now you aren't thinking clearly, your brain is mush. I think I'm going to tell people i was abducted by aliens for the last 12 years cause that's what it feels like! It wasn't me sitting there silently when I was being verbally assaulted and then going back for more time and time again. Seriously though,think about what you are doing risking everything you have that is honorable for someone so dark. The situation with you and the N will only continue this mass confusion in your life and you will never be at peace until you lay it to rest. Best Wishes, Ruby

Oh my, that is so me right now! Very disturbing... But thank you are posting... I need that right now!!

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews