My take on cognitive disodence

I was thinking about this the other day and reflecting on a hypnosis session I had, one in which even when in direct contact with my subconcious I had a hard time actually calling what he did abuse.

In thinking about this, I realized on one side is this man who appears to be everything and on the other side is this knowing that something is really off. The mind cant put the two together so it goes to the middle, where I blamed myself. It has to be me, I did something ect ect.

I realize that I was trained by my dad for this experience as it was the same with him. He was loving and kind (or so it seemed) and he was really quite evil in the things he did and since he was my dad and was suppose to love and protect me the only way I could make sense of it was to blame myself, if I was a better kid, If I wasnt so much trouble ect ect.

It was abuse, No matter how much they may or may not have meant to do it, It was abuse. The sad thing to me is that because I was abused as a kid, it set me up for more abuse. NO MORE I am DONE with that, thank you very much