My Story TooStrongForThis
My Story TooStrongForThis
I want to start by saying how good it feels to finally speak my mind..to finally share my feelings..and most importantly, be able to be understood by others who are like me.
I am a victim of an N. boyfriend, or at least I think he is..
I will refer to him as "T".
"T" was originally a very good friend of mine for 6 months before we started dating. He would call me between 6-12x DAILY (red flag), for about two months prior to our relationship. I thought I was his savior for helping him cope with his prior crazy ex who had yanked him around, abandoned him for her friends, etc. What made me fall in love with T, was his stories of how much of a "gentleman" he was to her, bringing her gifts/flowers and such.
The first month of our relationship was great. It was full of morning/bedtime texts, flowers, dates, and quality time. I thought I had honestly hit the jackpot with him. He would talk in such a mature, respectful manner, often elaborating our future together. He treated me like gold.
After a month of our "honeymoon phase", I found that T would arrange plans to come and see me but at last minute ditch me to hang out with his guy friend (confirmed). Slowly other things would begin to happen in this relationship that felt off..
I would find T receiving texts from his ex. Though he didn't care for her persistence in trying to split us up, he wouldn't care to block her number or stop replying either. She would text often and he would mention how happy he was with me. But then there would be times where pictures of his exes would mysteriously be saved to his computer during the course of our relationship....as well as deleted texts on his phone. He would make excuses claiming his computer was messed up or that his phone automatically deleted messages. Whatever pal! I almost broke up with him then, but thankfully he was able to rid her from his life.
Things were going decently and I had then moved into T's house. Out of the kindness of my heart and respect to the home, I would clean up/wash laundry and supply fresh clothes to him each morning before work. Pretty soon he was expectant of his clothes and very angry when I wouldn't retrieve them for him. Every morning, the first words out of his mouth were "Wheres my clothes?" or "Get me clothes".
The affection faded and I would often find myself confused as to why he wouldn't kiss me, hug me, tell me he loves me, or compliment me. He had observed me weaknesses and instead would make snarky and snide remarks, knowing that how I would feel. If I had reached out to hold him, he would grunt with discontent. If I had kissed him, he would avoid it at all costs and wring his face as if he were kissing his sister. "Your breath stinks", "You didn't say two words to me today", "You don't deserve it.", "You're the clingiest girlfriend I have ever had", "Look at those love handles!"...for example. He went from facing me in bed to turning completely around and facing the opposite direction each night after our first 3 months together. If I had held his hand, he would not close his fingers...sometimes he would squeeze until I cried out in pain. Hugs would be a death grip to crack my back, again until I cried in pain. So I learned to stay away from that. If I had gotten near his face in an attempt to cuddle, he would close his eyes or look the other way as if he didn't want to see me. Sex was often only when he wanted it, again closing his eyes, looking the other way, or wanting to do it from behind. He has no sense of remorse if I tell him it hurts and I want to stop. Sorry to be too personal.
I learned to find that T was not the guy who I had hoped for him to be...he had put on a face to the outside world, but on the inside - he was ugly. He has a very negative outlook on life..that all people are jerk**fs and everyone is out for themselves. He is also very much a hypocrite.
His once proud, mature, and bold demeanor had become easily swayed by his friends.
He rekindled his friendship with his old friend, a 50 year old bully who is a bad influence - as he is selfish as they could come. Failing marriage, downgrading spouse in front of a crowd, and stealing from his own fathers company to name a few qualities of this man. One time, this perverted pig slapped my beehind in front of T; but T did not say anything about it to "said friend", until I flipped out on T for not doing anything about it. Recently, this perv told T and I outright that I was a b**ch and T wouldn't stick up for me..instead telling me to stick up for myself.
There was a point in time where I had broken my knee from a serious riding accident. After coming home from the hospital, T would throw the blame on my carelessness of riding my horse the day before I was expected to start a new job. Everything was always spun around on me, there was little to no compassion. T abandoned me that night to play video games with his friend down the street....I remember those three weeks being hell, because T would ditch me after work to hang out with his 50 year old friend. I didn't have anyone else and had to crutch my way around the house, up and down the stairs, cook my own meals without a chair. T had the nerve to ask me to retrieve him his clothes from downstairs and to wash them too! Very, very painful time in my life.
T often puts himself on a pedestal, claiming that nobody works as hard as him. He feels a sense of entitlement because he is an employee of his dads company..and he also owns a small part of it. Whenever I have a job, T would tell me how easy I had it and that if I want to get paid more, I would have to have a job like him. If I had ever mentioned how tired I was or how much my body hurt from aches, he would tell me "from what? You don't do anything at work" or "You didn't work today!"..everything was always related to work in his eyes.
T has a buying problem and sometimes he competes with his 50 year old friend...they each buy a new truck and feed off each others jealousy...we have 7 trucks in our backyard and 80% of them cannot be driven. However, when my vehicle breaks..he does not think to let me use his extra trucks, he will instead buy another to rub it in my face that I can't afford to fix mine. T is also very excessive in everything...using too much of anything: shampoo, soap, TP...he buys a pizza pie EACH DAY because nothing I cook is ever good enough.
He will often tell people that I don't do anything and that I am very lazy. The truth is, I do anything that T asks of me..including faxing his receipts, calling his customers, getting his mail, doing his taxes, paying the bills, taking his vehicles for inspection, auto parts, shopping, etc. you name it, I do it. RARELY do I get a thank you. But when I ask T if he can do me favor, it's like pulling teeth. Sometimes he stalks me to see if I am at a certain place like I said I would be. I notice the more I ignore him and push him away, the more he is inclined to read my texts, show affection, and talk to me like a normal human being.
He sounds very rude and nasty to me whenever I call him for something important. My phone calls to him are restricted to two or three per day, that's my personal limit to avoid confrontation with his behavior. Whenever I am upset and cry, he yells at me instead of comforts me. He is very unsympathetic.
T is obsessed with looking at porn on his phone as well as looking at other girls on FB. He will say that he knows the girls on FB personally and adds them often. I never find conversation between them, but he gets very flustered when I mention his business. He does a lot of deleting on his search history.
I know how bad it sounds that I look through his phone. I always say to myself that if I find one text or message on FB to confirm he is cheating, that I will give myself a valid reason to dump him. How bad is that? I feel like if I left him, the idea of "what if" would forever haunt me. Today that is different (see below). I find a lot of calls between him and his 50 year old friends wife. In the past, she used to show up at our house often...mainly talking to him, almost in a flirtatious manner. She would bring soups to him...and there was some suspicious activity going on one day when he had to drive her to her car, but showed up 2 hours after he said he would be there. I still wonder today.
I know how back and forth I sound with all of these encounters..this is how messed up my mind is currently. This is how I am forced to think, by being all over the place. I believe my bf is a N.
It feels so good to put a label to a personality that I had delt with for over 2 1/2 years. I thought his behavior was from a past heartbreak and that he would change eventually when he understood that I wouldn't hurt him.
His idea of marriage is corrupt and he feels strongly against the idea of me being his wife. THANK GOD is all I can say!
I have plans to leave him in the next 2-3 weeks. I am waiting on an upcoming interview with a job in another state...my dream of moving south is coming together. Everything is falling into place, as I am slowly moving my stuff from our home together..all under the radar. I will never look back. I am too excited to turn back to these ways. No longer will I be depressed, walking on egg shells, feeling controlled, or feeling hurt.
This is my story and I am ready to recover.
Does he sound like an N to you?