My Story Tish 50

I am so glad I found this site. I finally left my NH after 8 years of a horrible marriage. Almost 1 1/2 years ago he told me he wanted a divorce and I suddenly was panicked and wanted to work on our marriage. I went to counseling on my own. He refused. I had no idea he was a narcissist. Over the next year and a half he engaged in the push pull- i love you go away we all have come to know. I had no idea why chalked it up to a bad childhood and fear of intimacy now it is all so clear. Are they all made from the same mold or what? I caught him texting other women, hitting on other women at bars, pictures of him and other women in his phone and somehow he always begged my forgiveness and I gave in. I loved his line saying he could not commit to me. Ummmm...we are married you jack a*&. I wish I could go no contact but with a child involved I have to do limited contact. He still does not know I am serious about it being over. I filed for divorce on 12/18 and he cried to me about how it woke him up only to do the same push away again. I am finally happy and know that I need to get rid of him for good. I honestly don't want him anymore. I know what real love is and this was never real love, sadly. I was with an emotionally unavailable man that wanted to control me...not love me. I am so grateful I found this website and you awesome group of ladies. Planning on joining a support group here and hope to get to know you all better!I have been in the day to day don't know if I can get through the day to now I see his text/number and literally cringe that I have to respond. Be thankful if you don't have kids that you CAN do no contact. And hang in there it does get better I promise to other newcomers at the beginning of this hellish rollercoaster!