My Story Thereisalight

Hello all,

I began dating my N four years ago and I finally left him for good last month after already reading this site as well as others as a friend advised.

Mr.E seemed to have all the charm, enthusiasm, youthful energy and wit I had searched for all of my life. When we met on facebook (of all places) we discovered we had mutual friends we didn't know about and his Great Aunt turned out to be my Mother's best friend! Everything seemed fated and meant to be. He was a musician, with lots of social outings and he loved to go out every weekend. He was affectionate, loving, he brought me gifts and tended to my every need. I was blissfully happy we had found each other for a the first few months.

Then, the trouble began and I so wish I had recognized what was developing..After a minor argument, he told me that "the relationship wasn't progressing and I wasn't meeting his standards." This made NO sense to me as I was successful, with plenty of money, a house and no children to care for. While He lived in his uncle's crumbling upstairs apartment, he paid no rent, mooched off of the paid electric bill, did not have steady work and did not have enough to care for his teenage son. I was so in love, I begged him to 'give me another chance." Oh what on Earth was I thinking?

Thus, began a three and a half year relationship in which I continuously made efforts to live up to his 'expectations'. I paid almost all of bills, helped with car repair, heat, replaced all that broke, bought groceries, cooked, cleaned, helped with all his son' expenses and eventually Lived there 6 out of 7 days of the week..Only returning to my house (where my brother was staying) to take care of property taxes and minor things. I was loving, nurturing, kind and gave almost all of my attention to him as well as his son.

I listened to him constantly, played "captive" audience to the music he composed on his bass guitar, went to all of his shows, to his family's gatherings and his friends homes. Meanwhile, my friends and family were ignored, My talents were dismissed and I couldn't complete a sentence about myself or my own life.

At the time, I blamed myself because I had become trained to do so. I thought I wasn't listening well, I wasn't affectionate enough, I said things 'wrong' and I was deserving of the 2- 4 week silent treatments and being "pushed" away. I sat countless times after driving home in the night after these arguments crying over how I shouldn't have checked my phone, or walked out of a room or had a certain look on my face because I should have known better than to have upset him.

However, as time passed, I started noticing the attention he paid to exes online, strange messages and texts coming in during the late hours when he was careless and forgot to hide it well. Then, during one of our 12 break ups, he opened his laptop one day to show me some pictures he took after a particular 4 week "split" and he accidentally exposed a naked crotch shot of himself. I had been able to deny most of the other indiscretions, but this is the one that finally drove it home.

Still, I remained with him and I'm still not exactly sure why. Fear of being alone? Fear of losing this "love" I found? Regardless and finally last month my car broke down about 25 miles away from his apartment. We had a minor tiff that morning and I hadn't really been to concerned about it because I hadn't received any "punishment" as I had grown accustomed too. However, when I called him for help that evening, there was no answer. When I texted..no answer. So, I called AAA and received assistance to have my car towed and get a ride home. I fell into bed that night feeling completely fed up and disgusted by his lack of care. I was awakened at 11:30 PM by his only responses..two texts..One stating he wasn't near his phone as it was charging. The second..."Hopefully you're alright." I never received a call..or any greater response.

I broke up with him the next day. I tried calling...However, he still wouldn't answer. So I sent two texts. One telling him I had finally had enough of the treatment I had endured, the lack of care and being such a low priority. The second explained I wanted no contact, NO payments of money owed or anything further.

In the last month he's emailed 25 times, attacking my character, calling me names, then apologizing, then attacking again. He's texted, dropped my things off (in garbage bags)in my driveway and contacted many mutual friends. No matter..I will NOT budge now. It happened to many times with the same horrible results. Now, I want my life back. I want real love. I want to feel happy again, care about me, have friends, listen to my music and feel free. He cannot give me any of those things and I've come to realize no one else can. I felt alone, because I WAS alone. It was only me all along. It was high time I started treating myself as well as I treated him.

-S-